Hey, Man - The Advice Podcast for Men

We're joined this week by 20 year veteran of the FDNY and organizer of the NYC Prepper's Network, Jason Charles. Jason shares what he's learned from his experience in the FDNY and his longstanding interest in disaster prepping. In the second half, Jason lends a hand in giving advice to a man who can't let go of a workplace betrayal.

New York City Preppers Network Meetup
The Angry Prepper Youtube
The Angry Prepper Podcast

Hey Man,

I’m 40 years old and am having an issue with a coworker. I work as a project manager at a tech company and have been with them practically since the beginning. A few years ago, we hired someone as a part time receptionist and I really liked him. He was a solid kid and seemed like he had potential despite never graduating from college. I took him under my wing and he steadily took on more responsibilities and better job titles. In the last couple of years, our company has done really well and we’ve moved past the stage where we would be considered a startup. We had a leadership transition and my friend has actually been promoted above me and joined a more senior leadership team. I admit, I have some jealousy about this, but even worse - I was up for a promotion recently and didn’t get it! I feel like I’ve helped this kid out for so long, the least he could do is look out for me too. My girlfriend thinks I should just let it go. Am I in the wrong here?

Signed,

Resentful in Ridgewood

This week we're joined by the New Yorker's Andrew Marantz. Andrew has a book out this fall: "Antisocial: Online Extremists, Techno-Utopians And the Highjacking of the American Conversation." We discuss how he spent the last couple of years interviewing and hanging out with alt-light and alt-right media figures (he educates us on the difference between the two terms), their distorted ideas about manhood, and how he kept his sanity being surrounded by people who hate what he represents. Then we answer an advice question from someone who is being bullied by a roommate. Oh, and we also embrace our inner soy boys and get deep into our love of salad.

Hey Man,

I find myself in a confusing and uncomfortable situation and I don’t know what to do. I recently moved to New York from Maine (where I grew up and went to college) and I’ve been living with the same group of guys for about 9 months. I like them all and I feel a bit of pressure to fit in. I’m not a typical bro, but I know how to act that way and I want everyone to like me. Since I’ve lived there, I’ve become really good friends with one guy. We hang out 1 on 1 and have had some real, honest conversations that feel deeper than the usual bro-ey banter that we all engage in as roommates.

Lately, though, something’s shifted and Greg has been teasing me in front of our other roommates in ways that feel like more than just ballbusting. I’m 5’7, skinny and am almost always the smallest guy in the group. It’s something I’ve always felt self-conscious about. Greg’s been teasing me about my size in ways that feel humiliating, especially since it’s in front of our roommates and sometimes their girlfriends. This isn’t the first time something like this has happened. In high school, some good friends also bullied me, in much worse ways but again by humiliating me in front of other people. I’m not sure what to do. Am I just being extra sensitive to this situation because of what happened before? Is there legitimately something wrong with me since I’m being targeted again? How should I handle this and what should I do?

Signed,

Wimpy in Williamsburg

Andrew @ The New Yorker
Andrew's Book

Our first episode with co-hosts Avi Klein & Sam Graham Felsen.

We go over the premise of the show, what we hope to get out of it. Avi talks about his work as a psychotherapist and Sam talks about his background and novel. Then we get to our first advice question before each sharing a piece of advice that matters to us.

But I also feel embarrassed by it and embarrassed by how much I like it. Sometimes I wonder if I should take charge more, make plans for the two of us, etc. but I can tell she gets annoyed and doesn’t like it when I try. Is this okay? Is this a normal relationship and how do I figure that out? I also notice that my friends are a little weirded out by this relationship. They’re polite, but I can tell something is off. What do I do about this?

Signed,
Soft in South Brooklyn

A few things we talk about:

Getting beaten by your wife in poker, “soft”, Freaks and Geeks, having a tutu collection, Marv Albert & Eddie Murphy, not liking your friend's partner, Advice Not Given by Mark Epstein, leaving your friend's NFL fantasy league, being a vegetarian at your friend's BBQ, Sam calls Avi out for not liking him when they first met, how annoying it is to watch how your friends act in new relationships, Buddhism & Mindfulness.

Send us an email at [email protected] or give us a call at 917-426-4326 to have your question featured on the show.

Avi's website and articles about masculinity and Louis C.K.
Sam's novel

We're joined this week by professional dominatrix Dia Dynasty. We discuss sex, kink and the power that comes from knowing your sexual self. In the second half, Dia helps us with an advice question from a man whose relatoinship struggles are leading him to wonder if he's not cut out for monogamy.

Dia's Website

Follow Dia on:
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Hey Man,

I’m looking for some help in figuring out my priorities in romantic relationships. I’m 36 years old and am about 8 months into what feels like a serious relationship. My longest relationship lasted a year and a half when I was 30. Mostly, I see people in a more casual way and things fizzle out on their own after a few weeks or maybe a couple of months. I’m almost always the one to end things and even when I’m not, I don’t mind that things have ended. But things feel different in this relationship. Part of it is just that I know I’m tired of what I’ve been doing and I see my friends partnering up and settling down. I know this is the time to do that. If anything, I’m behind everyone. But this person checks a lot of boxes for me on paper.

The problem is, despite there being so much that I like about the relationship, I think about breaking up with her once a week or every two weeks. It’s not all the time, but it is every time she does something that bothers me. I’m neater than she is, so when things are messy, I tend to just think about how life would be easier without this person. Or, any time there’s tension around making plans or our sex life (we don’t have it as often as I’d like), my mind just goes to “this would be so much easier if I was on my own.” If I’m being honest, I’ve had the same thought many times before, which is why I’ve been happy to let relationships just fizzle out. Is this a sign we should end things? Am I not made for long term monogamy?

Signed,

Fearful on Fifth Ave

Sam is out this week but Avi is joined by acupuncturist Noah Rubinstein . Noah is clinic director at the Yinova Center in New York City, where he specializes in male reproductive and sexual issues. We discuss his background as a paramedic and the importance and challenges of cultivating balance. Our advice question this week is from a man who is struggling with feeling like the black sheep wherever he goes.We discuss his background as a paramedic and the importance and challenges of cultivating balance. Our advice question this week is from a man who is struggling with feeling like the black sheep wherever he goes.
Yinova Center

Hey Man,

I need help with a problem that has plagued me for most of my life and gets in the way of enjoying it.

I grew up in a family that’s always placed a strong emphasis on money and achievement. And while my siblings and I are all managed to realize this in different ways, I’ve always been a bit of an outsider. I’ve had lots of ups and downs along the way and it took me longer to find my footing in life. I’ve also just been different in the interests I’ve had, caring more about exploring the world and caring deeply about art. As a result, I often feel like the odd man out and there’s something wrong with me. I feel embarrassed about my hobbies and interests and I diminish what I do that would be considered good. I just assume that people don’t get me or understand me, which on some level I know is ridiculous.

I’m over 40 and this gets in the way of most relationships that I have. How do I let this go to enjoy the rest of my life?

Signed,

Black Sheep of Boerum Hill