"This is what the war was" with Adam Linehan

Explicit content warning

12/04/19 • 72 min

We're joined this week by writer and Army veteran Adam Linehan. We discuss his experience serving in Iraq and Afghanistan and his struggle with survivor's guilt and PTSD after coming home. Later, Adam helps us give advice to a man who is worried about his bad habits when his girlfriend is out of town.

Adam's website
Adam's piece in the NY Times

Hey Man,

I’ve started to notice a habit that I’ve slipped into that is worrying me. My girlfriend and I live together and she travels semi-regularly for her job. When she’s away, I tend to do the same thing every time: I smoke some weed, play video games and order way too much food on Seamless. I might do this for a day or two and then I feel totally gross and disgusting. The food in particular stresses me out. I feel remorseful and regret it and think about it during the week. I feel like I have to make up for it the rest of that week or month by eating really healthy, but then that almost fuels the desire to get stoned and get takeout again. As if I’ve somehow earned it by being good. I know a lot of guy friends who do something similar when their girlfriend’s go out of town, but I feel really guilty about this. She doesn’t know or has never mentioned it to me and I wouldn’t want her to know. What should I do?

Signed,

Munchies in Midtown

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Adam's website
Adam's piece in the NY Times

Hey Man,

Signed,

Munchies in Midtown

★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Previous Episode

"Are we animals?" with Professor Matt Gutmann

We're joined this week by Matt Gutmann, professor of anthropology at Brown University and author of the recently published book, "Are Men Animals? How Modern Masculinity Sells Men Short." This book takes a look at the broad range of masculinities across cultures and questions whether biology can really be to blame for male misbehavior (spoiler: it can't). We talk about his book, his background and how he became interested in the field of men and masculinities. Later, Matt helps us answer an advice question from a college student who winds up on a bad date after a disagreement about money.

Matt's website
Matt's book

Hey Man,

I’m 19 years old and have just started dating a girl that I go to college with. We’ve been dating and hanging for the last 6 weeks. On our first date, I asked if she was cool with splitting everything and she seemed fine with it. On this last date, though, I accidentally forgot my wallet in my dorm room. It wasn’t until it was time to pay for our food that I realized I didn’t have my wallet with me. I told her I would pay her back later when I got it and I was surprised that she was really annoyed by this. She said something like, “If anything, you should be offering to pay for me, not the other way around.” I kept trying to explain that it wasn’t intentional, I felt embarrassed and I wasn’t asking her to pay for me. It didn’t do anything to get her out of her bad mood and the date was pretty much ruined. We were supposed to go to the movies afterwards and she basically said she wasn’t going to buy my ticket. Instead, we went back to my dorm room and I paid her back on the spot. It’s only been a couple of days since, but things have obviously chilled between us. What should I do?

Signed,

Cash-poor in Columbia

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Next Episode

"The country of the blind" with Andrew Leland

Our guest this week is Andrew Leland. Andrew is currently writing a book about blindness for Penguin Press. He’s a contributing editor of the Believer magazine and hosts the Organist podcast. We talk to him about the experience of slowly going blind over his adulthood - ways in which there is loss, but also ways in which it's simply changed things. He also takes about the changes in how people engage with him as his blindness worsens. Later, he helps us with an advice question from a college student in a complicated friendship.

The Organist
Andrew's episode on 99 Percent Invisible
Andrew on Twitter
Andrew's Website

Hey man - I'm a 19 year old college student, and recently I've been really enjoying the relationship that I have with one of my female friends. We have been very mutually supporting of our respective dating lives recently, and supporting in other aspects of our lives as well. It feels like a very healthy dynamic that we have. However, I'm worried that she may have more than feelings of friendship for me at this point. She recently sent me a song which, in context, seemed like a confession. I'm really enjoying our friendship, and would very much prefer it to simply stay as such.

I have no idea how to deal with this situation! I can pretend I didn't listen to the song, and I could just play dumb and deflect, but neither of those seem like wise options. I also dont want to say something about her having feelings for me, and have that go south in the many ways it could.

Please help, I'm hopeless here!

Signed,
Just Friends on Monteith Ave

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