The Mel Robbins Podcast

How do you know if the thing you’re holding on to is something you should keep fighting for or if it’s time to let go?

Phenomenal question. I’ve got the answer.

The truth is, most of us never let go.

You spend a lot of time adding things into your life – new projects, new relationships, new stuff – but when was the last time you *subtracted* something?

I’m talking about all the things you hang on to, even when they’re no longer serving you or helping you grow.

The stuff that you know is weighing you down and sucking your energy dry, but you can’t seem to drop it.

I’ve got the solution for you.

I’m about to walk you – literally – through a strategy that nobody talks about. It will help you let go of what’s a pain or a drain in your life.

Are you staying in a job you hate?

Do you keep hanging out with that friend who brings you down?

Holding on to those too-small pants because you’re hoping to one day fit into them again?

As the late, great Pulitzer and Nobel prize winner Toni Morrison wrote, if you “want to fly, you got to give up the shit that weighs you down.”

By the end of this episode, you’ll understand how to start letting go of what doesn’t serve you to create room for growth.

And, you’ll learn the two things you must let go of today.

Get ready to step into your new potential and unlock the magic of your life.

Aren’t you ready for that? I know I am. Let’s do it!

Xo Mel

In this episode, I’m getting brutally honest with you about relationships.

Our conversation begins with a question from a listener who asked me for advice on how to make your relationship go the distance in this messy modern world.

I’ve always shied away from giving relationship advice, mainly because after 26 years of marriage, I know the only secret is this: it takes a lot of consistent work.

I also don’t consider myself an “expert” on the topic because our relationship seems to always need attention. It’s so easy to silently retreat to your corners and not address the issues. And there were years where we did just that.

In fact, over the past few years, Chris and I have been working through some really heavy issues with a couples therapist.

Today I share very personal revelations I’ve had about my own role in causing problems between us. After all we’ve been through, I’m really proud of my husband, Chris, and me for making it this long and doing the work to make it better.

In the process of working hard to improve our relationship, I learned six powerful lessons that I felt compelled to share with you. Not because I hold the magic wand, but because I hope these lessons will save you the pain and heartaches I’ve caused myself and my husband.

No matter what kind of relationship you might be in, working on, struggling with, or hoping to save, these six lessons will provide a roadmap to make it better.

Whether you are married, dating, divorced, happily single, or experiencing a falling out with a friend, this episode will have something for you.

About halfway through, another listener asks,

“What do I do if my partner doesn’t want to do the work?”

In that case, there’s just one rule for when it’s time for you to move on.

Oh, one more thing, if you and your partner are having a hard time... Share this episode with them. It’s a simple way to open the door for a much-needed conversation.

Xo Mel

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• 0:30: The one question you often ask that I put off answering for a long time.
• 3:30: Here’s the hard truth you should know about my marriage.
• 6:30: Here’s what I think about “staying in a marriage for the kids”
• 8:30: The concerning relationship trend I see happening.
• 15:00: Would I be better off without my husband?
• 18:15: This is the only way relationships work out.
• 24:30: What I was doing wrong in my own marriage.
• 28:00: 6 pieces of advice for any relationship.
• 37:30: Here’s why the way you react to your partner’s good news matters.
• 43:00: What do you do when your partner isn’t growing with you?

I was lying in bed one morning, and all of a sudden it hit me...

If I ever want to be truly happy, I have to stop doing THIS.

So do you.

What is this thing we need to stop doing?

I call it the “Campaign of Misery.”

In the background of your mind, there’s a campaign of misery running on a loop. And until you stop it, you will never experience the happiness, joy and contentment you deserve.

I promise you - it is there. In the background - talking to you all the time.

This is the missing piece to true happiness.

When you remove the campaign of misery, you create room for joy.

I recorded this episode the same morning I had this profound insight. What you're about to hear is a conversation with me and two friends and colleagues, Amy and Jessie. Pull up a seat at the kitchen table; I want you to hear me unpacking this breakthrough about happiness in real time.

My two friends saw their “campaign of misery” immediately and started describing in detail the ridiculous ways they torture themselves. You’ll laugh, you’ll nod along, and you might even cry a little. We sure did.

Because when you realize how much you rob yourself of the happiness you deserve, it is sad.

I always say, this isn’t just a listening podcast, it’s a doing podcast. So by the end, there’s something specific I will be asking you to do with us while you listen.

In three simple steps, you will join us as we put down the sword, grab a book of matches, and pick up the pen to write new default programming into our minds.

Don’t worry, I’ll explain why you need matches near the end of the episode.

And you’ll be so happy that I did.

You have the power to change the way you think and the way you talk to yourself. You have the power to stop seeing all the reasons your life is hard and teach yourself to see how this could be easier.

Yes, you can be happy.

You can be content.

But first, you have to stop making yourself miserable. Let’s support one another on this.

If we fight this battle for happiness together, side-by-side, I am certain we will win.

Xo Mel

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• What happens when you get caught up in your stories
• My profound breakthrough around the importance of mindfulness
• How to start celebrating yourself right now, no matter your mindset
• The 3 incredibly powerful mindset hacks I did with my friends and colleagues, Amy & Jessie

Go deeper:

Today you and I are digging into three things you must accept about other people.

It took me years to understand these truths.

It sounds horrible, but I always wondered, “What’s wrong with people? Why don’t they change?”

I know you can relate. Because today I’m taking your questions about trying to change other people.

You’re frustrated by the fact that your spouse or partner won’t exercise more. You get angry seeing how much money your daughter wastes going out every weekend. You’re annoyed by how stubborn your parents have become the older they get.

Me too.

I’ve tried every tactic you can imagine to get other people to change. And recently I realized the true source of my frustration: It’s not them, it’s me.

I’m refusing to accept three things.

These things are hard to accept, and they’re true.

Once you hear them and you apply them to your life, your relationships will be way easier.

In addition to the three truths about other people, you’ll learn research that explains why it’s so hard to get other people to change. And like all episodes, this one is packed with tactical advice and takeaways that you can put to use immediately.

And, if you’re the one who’s busy making changes but your loved ones are not being supportive, I answer that question from a listener, too.

I feel compelled to answer your questions because so many of you are improving your life with the tools you’re learning on this podcast and your family is starting to get annoyed with you. That’s okay. It shows you’re making progress (but it doesn’t make it easy).

Hopefully today’s episode will.

Xo Mel

Key lessons:

3:12: 3 powerful truths you have to accept about people.

4:33: Rule #1 explained

6:02: How do you deal with people who don’t want to change?

9:00: Why some people can’t change.

12:42: I’m embarrassed to tell you this story.

19:49: Rule #2 explained

20:37: Rule #3 explained

21:44: My “6-month rule” for any complainer

32:03: What do when the people around you don’t support the changes you’re making

40:23: The science of “Myside bias” and what it says about human nature

The biggest secret to getting the life you want is understanding 3 words I hope you never forget:

Motivation. Is. Garbage.

Right now, think about something you want to change or improve.

I bet you know WHAT you want to change – and what you need to do.

But the 100 million dollar question is: HOW?

How do you get started?

And how do you keep going even when you don’t feel like it?

Look, if change was easy, we’d all have six-pack abs, a million dollars in the bank, and healed our trauma.

And that’s where this episode comes in: I teach you the HOW.

I cracked the code on motivation, and in the next hour, I’m sharing everything I know with you.

You’ll learn the secret to breaking old habits, creating new ones, and how to hack what neuroscientists call “activation energy.”

You’ll also learn one simple but incredible tool, that’s grounded in decades of research, and will change your life forever. This tool is a “cheat code” for motivation. It’s worked for millions of people and it will for you, too.

I wish that what I was about to tell you was something I had read in a book, but unfortunately, that's not how I tend to learn things.

I'm the kind of person who either has to fall into a hole that I didn't see to learn a lesson, or more likely, I screw up my life so badly, I dig the hole for myself.

This was me back in 2008. I was digging the biggest life hole ever. And that’s where this episode begins.

I was at the lowest point in my life. My husband’s business was failing, I was unemployed, on the brink of bankruptcy and divorce, I was drinking way too much, and to top it all off, I couldn’t even get up in the morning. Not the Mel Robbins you know today.

This is the exact moment I discovered the secret to hacking motivation – because I had to if I wanted to fix my own life.

And if I can do it, you can too.

If you're a new listener, you'll learn more about how I got to where I am today.

And if you've been a fan for a while, this episode will be a reminder of the power within you to make any change you can imagine.

How do I know if I’m in a relationship with a narcissist?

Are certain personalities more drawn to narcissists?

Can I heal if I was raised by a narcissist?

How do I handle narcissists at work?

Why do I keep attracting narcissists into my life?

How can I keep a narcissist in my life... and not go crazy?

And, most of all:

What EXACTLY do I do to cope with narcissists?

You have been flooding my inbox with questions since Dr. Ramani Durvasula, the world’s leading expert on narcissism, spoke about it on the podcast.

You asked to bring her back and I’m listening: Dr. Ramani is here with answers to all of your questions.

This episode is for you if you...

• Have no idea what narcissism is
• Were raised by a narcissist
• Are married to a narcissist
• Think you might be dating a narcissist
• Work with/for a narcissist
• Want to know the telltale red flags so you’re better prepared
• Are afraid you’re a narcissist

Today you get:

• Two important tools to help you start your own healing and create boundaries
• Key takeaways to help you move forward
• One solid truth that will ground you in your confidence

You’ll also learn:

• What you can do today to begin your own healing
• How to stay in a relationship with a narcissist and maintain your sanity
• The signs to watch for to know if you’re with a narcissist
• What gaslighting looks like in real life
• The situations that make you more susceptible
• How to coach your friend who’s dating a narcissist
• If you’re more prone to attracting narcissists
• Why you ditch the “good ones” for the “bad ones”
• About “trauma bonds”
• The signs of “love bombing”
• About the “Golden Goose” phenomenon in the workplace
• What yellow rocking and gray rocking are

Listen in on today’s conversation. You will not only be glad you did – you’ll also leave armed with the knowledge, tools, and resources you need to diffuse the impact of a narcissist, get your power back, and know that whatever it is that this person says or does – it’s not your fault.

Xo, Mel