Hey, Man - The Advice Podcast for Men - "Are we animals?" with Professor Matt Gutmann

"Are we animals?" with Professor Matt Gutmann

Explicit content warning

11/27/19 • 55 min

Hey, Man - The Advice Podcast for Men

We're joined this week by Matt Gutmann, professor of anthropology at Brown University and author of the recently published book, "Are Men Animals? How Modern Masculinity Sells Men Short." This book takes a look at the broad range of masculinities across cultures and questions whether biology can really be to blame for male misbehavior (spoiler: it can't). We talk about his book, his background and how he became interested in the field of men and masculinities. Later, Matt helps us answer an advice question from a college student who winds up on a bad date after a disagreement about money.

Matt's website
Matt's book

Hey Man,

I’m 19 years old and have just started dating a girl that I go to college with. We’ve been dating and hanging for the last 6 weeks. On our first date, I asked if she was cool with splitting everything and she seemed fine with it. On this last date, though, I accidentally forgot my wallet in my dorm room. It wasn’t until it was time to pay for our food that I realized I didn’t have my wallet with me. I told her I would pay her back later when I got it and I was surprised that she was really annoyed by this. She said something like, “If anything, you should be offering to pay for me, not the other way around.” I kept trying to explain that it wasn’t intentional, I felt embarrassed and I wasn’t asking her to pay for me. It didn’t do anything to get her out of her bad mood and the date was pretty much ruined. We were supposed to go to the movies afterwards and she basically said she wasn’t going to buy my ticket. Instead, we went back to my dorm room and I paid her back on the spot. It’s only been a couple of days since, but things have obviously chilled between us. What should I do?

Signed,

Cash-poor in Columbia

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Matt's website
Matt's book

Hey Man,

Signed,

Cash-poor in Columbia

★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Previous Episode

"The Track Will Tell You" with Boyd Varty

We're joined this week by lion tracker and coach, Boyd Varty. Boyd recently published a book called, "The Lion Tracker's Guide to Life." We talk about the art of tracking, his recovery from PTSD after several traumatic events (including getting attacked by a crocodile), his shift to doing coaching and his experience of meeting and living with Nelson Mandela as a boy. Our question this week comes from an actor whose work has dried up.

Boyd's Book
Boyd's TED Talk
Boyd's Website
Instagram

The question this week:

Hey Man -

I’m 47 years old and have worked my entire adult life as an actor. I know I’m lucky to have made a career out of it, but I’m struggling. Like most working actors, I’ve had good years and lean years, but the last couple of years have been particularly lean. In the past, even if I only booked one “big” job a year, I still got steady work with commercials, etc. But in the last few years, everything has dried up. I work maybe once a month. I’ve supplemented it with some other gigs, but otherwise have a lot of time on my hands.

This all also coincides with some big life changes: my wife and I had two kids and moved to the suburbs. Luckily, her career has taken off, otherwise we’d be really stressed. Basically, to be useful, I spend a lot of my free time taking care of our home and kids. I’m left feeling like a house husband. I love our kids, but this is not how I envisioned my life. But I’m dependent on other people to do the work I love. I think other people might say it’s time to find another career, but I’m not ready to let acting go. Still, I can’t just stay at home and be depressed waiting for more work to come my way. What should I do?

Signed,

Wasting Away in Westchester

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Next Episode

"This is what the war was" with Adam Linehan

We're joined this week by writer and Army veteran Adam Linehan. We discuss his experience serving in Iraq and Afghanistan and his struggle with survivor's guilt and PTSD after coming home. Later, Adam helps us give advice to a man who is worried about his bad habits when his girlfriend is out of town.

Adam's website
Adam's piece in the NY Times

Hey Man,

I’ve started to notice a habit that I’ve slipped into that is worrying me. My girlfriend and I live together and she travels semi-regularly for her job. When she’s away, I tend to do the same thing every time: I smoke some weed, play video games and order way too much food on Seamless. I might do this for a day or two and then I feel totally gross and disgusting. The food in particular stresses me out. I feel remorseful and regret it and think about it during the week. I feel like I have to make up for it the rest of that week or month by eating really healthy, but then that almost fuels the desire to get stoned and get takeout again. As if I’ve somehow earned it by being good. I know a lot of guy friends who do something similar when their girlfriend’s go out of town, but I feel really guilty about this. She doesn’t know or has never mentioned it to me and I wouldn’t want her to know. What should I do?

Signed,

Munchies in Midtown

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