"An extreme version of a classic conundrum" with Ben Mathis-Lilley

Speaking with Ben Mathis, daily news blogger at Slate and formerly of New York Magazine. Topics covered include: Growing up in Midland, MI - home of Dow Chemical, maintaining confidence as a writer, writing for the newspaper in junior high, how to balance the pressure to produce on a short deadline, inspirational teachers, writing advice, dealing with trolls and being called a cum stain, an “extreme version of a classic conundrum”, strip clubs and strippers at parties, the burden of keeping a secret, being a coward, white lies and being a good friend,“it’s not for me." Ben's advice: “never waste an opportunity to give a sincere compliment”

Hey Man,
I have an awkward situation that I need some advice on how to handle. I should note - I’m 30, work as a project manager for a high end contractor and am straight and live with my girlfriend of 3 years. A good friend’s bachelor party is coming up soon and he’s having it in Vegas. This is part of a friend group that I spent more time with when I was younger, but I feel a lot of loyalty to them even though I don’t seem them very often. Part of the reason I don’t see them is that I’ve gone in a different direction in my life and these guys seem to have never grown up (although I should say they’re all professionally successful). The problem is this: I just know they’re going to Vegas to have a real Vegas experience - there are going to be strippers, blow, gambling. Someone, or maybe even many of them, will hire escorts. None of this is my vibe, but the strippers/hookers thing is really not something I’m into. My girlfriend has an even bigger problem with it and doesn’t want me to go. I don’t know what to do. If I don’t go, I’ll really hurt my friend.
If I go to some things, but skip out on the strip clubs, I’ll be a total loser in their eyes. I guarantee no one else is skipping out on that. What should I do?

Signed,

Drip on the Strip

Ben Mathis Lilly

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