"The lobster that hunches his back" with Andrew Marantz
Explicit content warning
07/08/19 • 89 min
This week we're joined by the New Yorker's Andrew Marantz. Andrew has a book out this fall: "Antisocial: Online Extremists, Techno-Utopians And the Highjacking of the American Conversation." We discuss how he spent the last couple of years interviewing and hanging out with alt-light and alt-right media figures (he educates us on the difference between the two terms), their distorted ideas about manhood, and how he kept his sanity being surrounded by people who hate what he represents. Then we answer an advice question from someone who is being bullied by a roommate. Oh, and we also embrace our inner soy boys and get deep into our love of salad.
Hey Man,
I find myself in a confusing and uncomfortable situation and I don’t know what to do. I recently moved to New York from Maine (where I grew up and went to college) and I’ve been living with the same group of guys for about 9 months. I like them all and I feel a bit of pressure to fit in. I’m not a typical bro, but I know how to act that way and I want everyone to like me. Since I’ve lived there, I’ve become really good friends with one guy. We hang out 1 on 1 and have had some real, honest conversations that feel deeper than the usual bro-ey banter that we all engage in as roommates.
Lately, though, something’s shifted and Greg has been teasing me in front of our other roommates in ways that feel like more than just ballbusting. I’m 5’7, skinny and am almost always the smallest guy in the group. It’s something I’ve always felt self-conscious about. Greg’s been teasing me about my size in ways that feel humiliating, especially since it’s in front of our roommates and sometimes their girlfriends. This isn’t the first time something like this has happened. In high school, some good friends also bullied me, in much worse ways but again by humiliating me in front of other people. I’m not sure what to do. Am I just being extra sensitive to this situation because of what happened before? Is there legitimately something wrong with me since I’m being targeted again? How should I handle this and what should I do?
Signed,
Wimpy in Williamsburg
Andrew @ The New Yorker
Andrew's Book
This week we're joined by the New Yorker's Andrew Marantz. Andrew has a book out this fall: "Antisocial: Online Extremists, Techno-Utopians And the Highjacking of the American Conversation." We discuss how he spent the last couple of years interviewing and hanging out with alt-light and alt-right media figures (he educates us on the difference between the two terms), their distorted ideas about manhood, and how he kept his sanity being surrounded by people who hate what he represents. Then we answer an advice question from someone who is being bullied by a roommate. Oh, and we also embrace our inner soy boys and get deep into our love of salad.
Hey Man,
I find myself in a confusing and uncomfortable situation and I don’t know what to do. I recently moved to New York from Maine (where I grew up and went to college) and I’ve been living with the same group of guys for about 9 months. I like them all and I feel a bit of pressure to fit in. I’m not a typical bro, but I know how to act that way and I want everyone to like me. Since I’ve lived there, I’ve become really good friends with one guy. We hang out 1 on 1 and have had some real, honest conversations that feel deeper than the usual bro-ey banter that we all engage in as roommates.
Lately, though, something’s shifted and Greg has been teasing me in front of our other roommates in ways that feel like more than just ballbusting. I’m 5’7, skinny and am almost always the smallest guy in the group. It’s something I’ve always felt self-conscious about. Greg’s been teasing me about my size in ways that feel humiliating, especially since it’s in front of our roommates and sometimes their girlfriends. This isn’t the first time something like this has happened. In high school, some good friends also bullied me, in much worse ways but again by humiliating me in front of other people. I’m not sure what to do. Am I just being extra sensitive to this situation because of what happened before? Is there legitimately something wrong with me since I’m being targeted again? How should I handle this and what should I do?
Signed,
Wimpy in Williamsburg
Andrew @ The New Yorker
Andrew's Book
Previous Episode
"We need to tell our stories" with Aymann Ismail
This week we talk with Slate's Aymann Ismail, host of the podcast "Man Up" and creator of the web series "Who's Afraid of Aymann Ismail." We talk about: Why he hasn't told his parents about his podcast, growing up in Newark, going to an Islamic school in Jersey City, having “brilliant geniuses, valedictorians, overachievers” as siblings, making cartoon in the early days of the internet and becoming interested in story telling, going to art school without telling his parents, being a shitty teenager to your parents, the violence of playground games & how he handled getting attacked by a group of teens in Brooklyn. Our advice question this week is from a man whose family immigrated to the United States and are practicing Muslims. He is not and worries about how some of his life choices are going to affect his relationship with his family. Finally, Aymann passes on some advice that he got from the Kenyan photographer Boniface Mwangi.
--
Hey Man,
I could use some advice on how to address an important issue with my parents. I’m 32, am finally finished with medical school and work in a hospital in a big city on the east coast. I live on my own and am dating around but not with anyone at the moment. My parents are immigrants from Northern Africa and are observant Muslims. They live on the West Coast, where I was born. I’m not religious and have mostly lived apart from my parents since going away from college. I was a quiet, studious, nerdy kid growing up and have changed a lot since I left home. The problem is that I feel a lot of pressure from my parents to 1. Get married, 2. Marry a Muslim woman, 3. Ideally marry a Muslim woman from the same country/community as my family.
I don’t know if I want to marry anyone, let alone commit to monogamy. I’m interested in exploring my bisexuality. In short, there’s a big gap between who I am and what I envision for my life and what my parents want for me. I don’t know what to do. I think the tension is making me feel a bit stuck. I do date, but I haven’t had a serious relationship and I think it’s because I’m afraid to tell my parents and live with their potential disappointment. I love my parents and want to make them happy but I also don’t want to have this decision made for me or to compromise what I want in life. What should I do?
Signed,
East Coast Atheist
--
Aymann Ismail
Man Up
Aymann on Slate
Next Episode
"The Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus trap" with Avi & Sam
Avi and Sam get deep on a classic relationship dilemma. A listener wants to know what to do with a girlfriend who is angry at him for choosing to spend time with his friends instead of with her. Sam shares lessons he's learned from his own experience and we really drill down into the subtext of this question.
Hey Man -
My girlfriend and I have been dating off and on for 3 years. We broke up briefly after about 6 months, but got back together a few months later and have been together ever since. We just moved in together. The problem is, I think my girlfriend is very possessive, or we have different ideas about how much time to spend together, and it often leads to conflict. I have hobbies that I like to do on my own and I also have a great group of friends (who I used to live with before I moved in with my girlfriend) and we often get together at least once a week to hang out, watch a game, drink beer. My girlfriend really hates it when I hang out with my friends. When I get home, she’s mad at me. She says I’m choosing them over her, that we don’t spend enough time together.
On the one hand, I can see her side somewhat. I see these guys a lot - some of them are in a softball league with me, so we see each other for that and then we often hang out all day on a Saturday or Sunday if there are games on to watch. But I also see my girlfriend a lot. I thought moving in together would help things, but it hasn’t at all. I see her every other night! How can she possibly say we’re not spending enough time together? I should add, this is also why we broke up in the beginning of our relationship, so it has been a problem practically since the beginning. Honestly, it just seems like she’s jealous and I’m not sure what to do about that. Please help.
Signed,
Torn in Fort Greene
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