Wisdom Cafe

INTRO

In this episode, we look at how our mind fuses thoughts, feelings and reality so that it can cause us some challenges in how we see things, and what we believe. People who want to develop greater mastery in their lives, realise the key is to separate out the elements of a situation, and see things more clearly.

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WHAT WE TALK ABOUT

• The principle of the thing vs the thought
• How our brain fuses together elements of a situation
• We are sense-making machines and how that affects our perceptions
• How judgements colour our experience
• Learning to recognise our tendencies and choose how we feel
• The freedom that comes from reality-based living
• How to be more tolerant and accept differences
• “There is no such things as bad weather, just bad clothing.” (Anon)
• How to have more free attention and energy
• Breaking through to a more present awareness
• Meditation is a great way to increase presence and reality
• You are thinking a lot, and your brain can’t help it
• Exercising better choices
• Using the ‘right-hand’ and ‘left-hand’ technique to seperate thoughts from things
• Reactive behaviour versus proactive.

HOW TO WORK THIS INTO YOUR LIFE

• Cultivate the ability to notice yourself making unnecessary judgements
• When you hear yourself, or feel yourself being negative (or overly positive) pause.
• Hold out your left hand and in your imagination place the thing/person/event into your hand
• Say something like, “OK, this is the (insert the object/subject) and it is as it is.”
• Hold out your right hand and in your imagination place the thing/person/event into that hand
• Say something like, “And this is what I’m adding to the reality. I am thinking/saying/feeling (insert). However, that is seperate to the reality.”
• This will help you become more aware of what you’re adding to the ‘thing.’
• Then you have put yourself in a position whereby you are aware of the two elements.
• You can then alter whether, and what, you add.
• You’ll notice a gradual ability to hold something without judging it any further.
• You’ll notice you’ll become more tolerant, less reactive, more real.

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The view of many in society is that when you get older, your life is mostly over and it’s time to go out and play bowls or something. However, there’s a growing mass of people 50+ who feel they’re only just getting started! In this episode, we celebrate the next chapters.

WHAT WE COVER

• The wonderfulness of being young
• Life in front of you vs behind you
• Believing you’re past it
• The wisdom of saving 10%
• Being happier at 60 than at 40
• The psychological U-curve of happiness
• Life’s best moments over time
• Society suggests older age is not so good
• A good life doesn’t consist of just things, holidays or career highs
• Measuring the clarity, contentment and peace you experience
• Inner states versus outer experiences
• Deciding what you want from now on.

HOW TO WORK THIS INTO YOUR LIFE

• Take a few minutes to have a cuppa
• Consider ‘What is my overall experience in life right now?’
• Decided what you really want in life
• Perhaps take a big sheet of paper and imagine yourself living the next 20 years.
  • Where will you be?
  • Who with?
  • What’s the overall spirit of it all?
  • What would you be doing?
  • What would be some things you’ll really enjoy seeing?
  • How will you want others to see you?
• Imagination helps creation.

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INTRO

Do you wish you had less stuff? Less clutter? Less to deal with? More time to spend on what you really want? Many people would love to lead a clearer, simpler life in their middle age and beyond. In this episode, we talk about how you can achieve that, but warning: It will require some work. But the payoff is fantastic. 

WHAT WE TALK ABOUT

• The common garage scene
• Moving is a great opportunity to downsize your stuff
• Story: The infernal knitting machine I couldn’t shake
• How we accumulate
• Why we keep stuff we no longer use
• Wanting less as you get older
• Wanting life to be simpler in midlife
• Website: The Senior Nomads - https://seniornomads.com
• Website: Allan Karl: www.allankarl.com
• Quietly wishing you were more free
• Lightening your physical load
• Saying: “Have fewer possession-commitments.”
• Paperwork - you don’t need most of it
  • Digitising your paper
  • Stopping paper mail coming in
  • Creating a naming taxonomy
• Clothes - you don’t need as many as you think
  • Unnecessarily high-priced clothes
  • The economics of having a few good things vs many average things
  • Freeing up your money
• Stuff in cupboards - Freeing up your space, time and energy
  • Keeping too many items = more to deal with
  • Using the three-box system
  • How to deal with too many books
• Gaining a sense of lightness and freedom
• Website: www.TheMinimalists.com - keep what you truly enjoy, ditch the rest
• The psychology trick to getting on top of things - blocks, not whole categories.

HOW TO WORK THIS INTO YOUR LIFE

Paperwork

• Get a scanner to digitise your paper
• Use a consistent naming format
• Put aside a block of time to scan, save and toss each week

Clothing

• Choose some cheaper clothes for mucking around in
• Decide on ‘If I buy one thing in, I take one thing out’
• Doesn’t fit, no longer wanted or no good anymore, take.it.out

Stuff in cupboards

• Choose one cupboard to sort, and sort it until it’s finished.
• Don’t try to take on a whole room, garage, or very large category like ‘all my clothes.’
• Spend one block of time, do the job, then stop and treat yourself. 

Use the power of imagination: Picture the end goal often - your paperless office or kitchen bench, your tidier wardrobe, and your clearer cupboards and garage. Imagine also, how that feels. This will engage more of your sense which makes achieving the outcome more likely. No woo-woo here, just science.

SHARE & CONNECT

Please share this podcast with others and on your social media

And do leave a comment, send me a message, or email me with anything you'd like to share, or any question you'd like an opinion on.

Love to hear from you and am always happy to help.

Regards

Rob

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INTRO
Life coaches should have their act together, right? After all, they offer support to others on how to live well. They hold themselves up as someone to possibly emulate. In this episode, I open up about my own struggles to focus and follow through on one thing. Maybe, it’s because I don’t fit well into a standard box? And we look at imposter syndrome, how to live large, and stories of ordinary people doing cool things to make a difference.

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SHARE
To help me grow the audience, and share the ideas more widely, please share this with people you think will enjoy it.  Use the social links provided. And thank you!

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WHAT WE TALK ABOUT

• People in the digital world try to create a ‘brand’
• The struggle to nail down the ‘one thing’ you do
• Is having 13 irons in the fire, worse than only 2?
• Life coaches and mentors experience the imposter syndrome
• Showing confidence doesn’t mean you always are confident
• Self-doubt may be built into your DNA
• It’s also reinforced by your upbringing
• You can walk with it successfully
• “What if I’m wrong?”
• “What if no one wants to know?”
• The tendency to place more weight on other’s ideas
• Education involves absorbing other’s ideas
• The fear of having your own ideas rejected
• Accepting who you are now as well
• Society isn’t warm to being vulnerable or failing
• Being a better person - you go first
• We all have a lot of potential
• Maybe we don’t all have the same level of potential
• We can waste a lot of it, though
• Having a direction for personal growth, not a destination
• “Expand all the way to the end” (RB)
• Living a larger life - connection with others
• Our lives are also not just our own
• We live in various communities
• Reconnecting with my birth mother
• Falling in love with my Dad again
• “The better the quality of our connections…the larger our lives can be.” (RB)
• The practical elements of better connecting
• Make more of a difference
• John Wood
• The Minimalists
• Brené Brown
• Chefs for Compassion
• Sea Cleaners
• Richard in Budapest
• Rob’s Solo world trip in 2016
• Become more aware
• Start doing small things

How to Work This Into Your Life

1. Accept that it’s OK not to be perfect
2. Accept that you are a combination of all your strengths, weaknesses, ups, and downs.
3. All of it is you.
4. Try not to teach or lead out of what you know.
5. Instead, teach or lead out of who you are.
6. The real you offers more value than a constructed brand or curated expertise.
7. Be appropriately honest with those you work alongside, serve through your work, or live with.
8. Show your questions and doubts as part of the mix of your offer.

Our lives are filled with possibilities and yet we often forget that nothing is set in stone. We can make changes to areas of our life that just don’t work anymore. In this episode, Rob discusses the kinds of changes that people who want a better life have made.

WHAT WE TALK ABOUT

• The newness of Spring
• Nothing is set in stone
• We act as if things are unchangeable
• From here on, everything is up for grabs
• Relationships, work, religion, lifestyle can all be changed
• Stop acting like you don’t have a choice
• Video: Julia Sweeney - Letting Go of God
• Changing your industry
• Looking for what gives you life again
• Feeling stuck may be due to fear
• Fear of the unknown, making a mistake or taking full responsibility.
• Who is telling you you cannot change?
• You have options.
• Yes, perseverance is good but…
• Don’t keep waiting on the dance floor alone.
• Old friendships that have changed.
• Minimalism brings clarity and simplicity.
• There is more life, love, and experience to come.
• Give yourself permission to change.
• Embrace the journey.   

HOW TO USE THIS IN YOUR LIFE

1. Take some time to review your life.
2. Think about areas like work, love, friendships, activities, lifestyle, beliefs, and so on.
3. Identify any area that isn’t working for you anymore.
4. Don’t spend too much time analyzing it.
5. Instead, try to imagine what you do want instead.
6. Compare that to what you’re currently experiencing.
7. If there’s a significant enough gap, start to deconstruct your notions about that area.
8. Strip away all the parts you don’t want.
9. Give yourself permission to change it.
10. Take a step towards what you want instead. Do something to make it happen.