Your 1-Minute Call 10 Years Ago

09/08/21 • 7 min

INTRO

We’d all like to be able to turn back the clock. Why? Because then we’d do things differently that would give us better outcomes than we’ve had. What would you change? In this episode, we zero in on that and ask, “Why not use that insight to ensure we have a better next 10 years then?”

WHAT WE TALK ABOUT

Most people would want more money
Some might have relationship advice
Giving yourself career advice
Advising yourself - what would you say?
Our hopes reveal our values
The value of extracting what’s important
Saying - “We’re not too good at thinking about what’s important in the future, but we easily recognise it from the past.”
Use your insights from the last decade to shape your next
For me:
- Creating more time for close friendships
- Improving your financial wisdom
- Stop doing work you don’t enjoy sooner
What is your advice to yourself?
In 10 year’s time, what will you

HOW TO WORK THIS INTO YOUR LIFE

Clarifying your values and what’s most important to you is a core exercise for living a life that matters to you from hereon.

One good way of doing that is to reflect on what you don’t like from the last 10 years, and turn it around into a positive commitment.

Take some time to evaluate the highs and lows from your last decade.
Identify what you like that you want more of.
Identify what you didn’t like.
Think about why that is the case.
What’s the underlying value that that situation did not support?
Ask yourself, “So, based on that, what commitment should I make to how I want to live my next 10 years?”
Repeat the exercise as many times as necessary to clarify your values.

INTRO

WHAT WE TALK ABOUT

Most people would want more money
Some might have relationship advice
Giving yourself career advice
Advising yourself - what would you say?
Our hopes reveal our values
The value of extracting what’s important
Saying - “We’re not too good at thinking about what’s important in the future, but we easily recognise it from the past.”
Use your insights from the last decade to shape your next
For me:
- Creating more time for close friendships
- Improving your financial wisdom
- Stop doing work you don’t enjoy sooner
What is your advice to yourself?
In 10 year’s time, what will you

HOW TO WORK THIS INTO YOUR LIFE

Clarifying your values and what’s most important to you is a core exercise for living a life that matters to you from hereon.

One good way of doing that is to reflect on what you don’t like from the last 10 years, and turn it around into a positive commitment.

Take some time to evaluate the highs and lows from your last decade.
Identify what you like that you want more of.
Identify what you didn’t like.
Think about why that is the case.
What’s the underlying value that that situation did not support?
Ask yourself, “So, based on that, what commitment should I make to how I want to live my next 10 years?”
Repeat the exercise as many times as necessary to clarify your values.

Previous Episode

Getting Real - Offering Connection Rather Than Content

INTRO

We’ve become consumers of content on a massive scale. What’s behind that? While it might be curiosity, it’s also likely that we’re trying to meet some deeper needs we have. In this episode, we look at whether we all need more content in our lives, or whether we need, and can offer, something far more useful. Something more…human.

WHAT WE TALK ABOUT

There’s an avalanche of content out there
The new habit of scrolling
Getting real in today’s noisy world
We all want others to listen to, and engage with us
The Wisdom Cafe podcast as a platform for open, real ideas
Share out of who you are, not what you know
Our new rescue dog called Ava
She failed her conservation dog training!
Being open to meeting new people
Being more authentic
Noticing what we have in common with others, not what’s different
Similarities pave the way for connection
People respond to care
People are thirsty for “I see you” connection
We all want to be noticed
We love to offer others content
Connection is better than content
Being more real is more powerful
Helping others be authentic is very freeing for them
Covid-19 has forced us into each other’s real lives more
The legion of success messages out there
How we avoid showing weakness
Vulnerability is ok
Let’s get real, or let’s not play.

HOW TO WORK THIS INTO YOUR LIFE

Give yourself permission to just be you.
Ask yourself, “Who am I really?”
“What do I really think about this?”
“Do I really want to do this?”
“Is this for me, or not?”
Give yourself permission to say ’No.’
If you don’t want to, say ‘no thanks.’
If you don’t agree, say ‘my opinion is a bit different.’
If you would prefer something else, say so.
Gently, but with clarity.
Be more real, and you can expect others will more likely be as well.

Next Episode

Dealing with Parental Lament

INTRO

The empty nest is a hallmark feature of your middle-later years. It can be tough for many. You might ask, “Where did they go?” In this episode, we look at how to come to terms with this, and your perceived parenting mistakes. We also explore the question, “Where did I go?!”

WHAT WE TALK ABOUT

The natural tendency to ask yourself what you were like as a parent
Your children turning out differently from how you planned
We have less control than we think
We do have influence, but there are many others as well
Three children, three very different people
Each person processes differently
Wrapping your identity up in your children
Too much identity - but whose?
Being marooned by yourself
Having family ideals that are unrealistic
Saying: “There is no should, there is only is.”
You can easily come across as projecting onto your children.
Asking ‘What do I do wrong?
Accepting the sadness and grief that comes from your kids ignoring your advice
Psychological research suggests that DNA has the upper hand
Google search: Nurture vs Nature recent findings
Book: Blueprint by Robert Plomin (How DNA makes us who we are)
Fostering your selfhood in your middle years
You are fully absolved right now!
Accept the past
Live in the now
Free yourself and your children to be as they are.

HOW TO WORK THIS INTO YOUR LIFE

Get and read Robert Plomin’s book (although it can be quite scientific at times)
Think about what you perceive as parenting mistakes you’ve made
Write them down and then look at that list
Accept that it’s in the past and you did the best you could at that time
You’re different now
What would your adult children want from you these days?
Resolve to give them that in your best way possible
Rest of the time? Create the life you want from now on.
What does that look like?