Nothing is Set in Stone

10/19/21 • 9 min

Our lives are filled with possibilities and yet we often forget that nothing is set in stone. We can make changes to areas of our life that just don’t work anymore. In this episode, Rob discusses the kinds of changes that people who want a better life have made.

WHAT WE TALK ABOUT

The newness of Spring
Nothing is set in stone
We act as if things are unchangeable
From here on, everything is up for grabs
Relationships, work, religion, lifestyle can all be changed
Stop acting like you don’t have a choice
Video: Julia Sweeney - Letting Go of God
Changing your industry
Looking for what gives you life again
Feeling stuck may be due to fear
Fear of the unknown, making a mistake or taking full responsibility.
Who is telling you you cannot change?
You have options.
Yes, perseverance is good but…
Don’t keep waiting on the dance floor alone.
Old friendships that have changed.
Minimalism brings clarity and simplicity.
There is more life, love, and experience to come.
Give yourself permission to change.
Embrace the journey.

HOW TO USE THIS IN YOUR LIFE

Take some time to review your life.
Think about areas like work, love, friendships, activities, lifestyle, beliefs, and so on.
Identify any area that isn’t working for you anymore.
Don’t spend too much time analyzing it.
Instead, try to imagine what you do want instead.
Compare that to what you’re currently experiencing.
If there’s a significant enough gap, start to deconstruct your notions about that area.
Strip away all the parts you don’t want.
Give yourself permission to change it.
Take a step towards what you want instead. Do something to make it happen.

WHAT WE TALK ABOUT

The newness of Spring
Nothing is set in stone
We act as if things are unchangeable
From here on, everything is up for grabs
Relationships, work, religion, lifestyle can all be changed
Stop acting like you don’t have a choice
Video: Julia Sweeney - Letting Go of God
Changing your industry
Looking for what gives you life again
Feeling stuck may be due to fear
Fear of the unknown, making a mistake or taking full responsibility.
Who is telling you you cannot change?
You have options.
Yes, perseverance is good but…
Don’t keep waiting on the dance floor alone.
Old friendships that have changed.
Minimalism brings clarity and simplicity.
There is more life, love, and experience to come.
Give yourself permission to change.
Embrace the journey.

HOW TO USE THIS IN YOUR LIFE

Take some time to review your life.
Think about areas like work, love, friendships, activities, lifestyle, beliefs, and so on.
Identify any area that isn’t working for you anymore.
Don’t spend too much time analyzing it.
Instead, try to imagine what you do want instead.
Compare that to what you’re currently experiencing.
If there’s a significant enough gap, start to deconstruct your notions about that area.
Strip away all the parts you don’t want.
Give yourself permission to change it.
Take a step towards what you want instead. Do something to make it happen.

Previous Episode

You Go First - On Repairing Important Relationships

Retrying, repairing or restoring broken relationships with parents, children or close friends is difficult. But given the importance of these connections in our lives, try we must. The question is, why should we and how do we? In this episode, Rob explains how he developed loving, good relationships with his birth mother after being abandoned by her when he was two, and his father after a cold patch emerged.

WHAT WE TALK ABOUT

Important relationships are worth more than anything else
Life satisfaction research
The role of close relationships
Friendships are dynamic over time
Quote: “Relationships are a living thing”
The commonality of relationship fractures
Giving and receiving love is central to life
Silence eats away those involved
Even if it’s not your fault
Time is a healer
Quote: “Time heals many wounds, and can change minds.”
Nothing stays the same
Carrying heavy, unnecessary burdens
The story of my birth mother - making contact after 35 years
The key is this: you go first
Having reasonable expectations
Taking it slow
Watch and see what happens
What to do if you get a negative response
Making some effort can soften hard hearts
The value of important relationships
Investing time and energy moving towards the other person
Free online chat/session www.robbialostocki.com

HOW TO WORK THIS INTO YOUR LIFE

Don’t focus on the problems, focus on the possibilities.
Don’t focus on the injustices, focus on interest.
Don’t focus on expecting, focus on accepting.
Take one step towards the other person.
Enquire, don’t require.
Keep it short
Be kind.
Repeat.

Next Episode

Better Understanding - the key to better outcomes in life and work

Understanding brings insight that can vastly improve the quality of our approach and actions, and the outcomes we can achieve. But first, you need to want to cultivate this kind of mindset. In this episode, Rob Bialostocki explores how better understanding can lead to better community change, a better divorce, and even better use of time and energy.

WHAT WE COVER

Understanding brings insight and that enables compassion
Understanding circumstances allows you to make better decisions
Relationships based on mutual understanding are more rewarding
It also brings clarity that helps you carve your own path
Things happen for a reason, even if we don’t know what it is
Why do we do what we do?
What are the options?
You can in fluency more when you understand more
You need to want to understand - curiosity
Pushing back on initial or first impressions, or easy answers
Ockham’s Razor
Know yourself and how you operate
You have beliefs, preferences, an agenda
Knowing how you’re blind
Confirmation bias
Ask better questions
Eg. What’s behind this?
What’s causing this?
What other factors might be at play?
Taking a more useful approach that aligns to cause
Assess work, family, community group scenarios before choosing a solution
Developing empathy for the other party brings understanding
How to be nicer during divorce
Knowing that reactions have an emotional basis
You don’t have to agree with them
Fostering compassion
“Responding out of compassion is going to be far better than reacting out of self-preservation.”
Seeing cause and effect allows you to cut them some slack
The agenda behind advertising
Knowing the game being played allows you to choose whether to play.