The Thing and the Thought

07/22/21 • 12 min

INTRO

In this episode, we look at how our mind fuses thoughts, feelings and reality so that it can cause us some challenges in how we see things, and what we believe. People who want to develop greater mastery in their lives, realise the key is to separate out the elements of a situation, and see things more clearly.

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WHAT WE TALK ABOUT

The principle of the thing vs the thought
How our brain fuses together elements of a situation
We are sense-making machines and how that affects our perceptions
How judgements colour our experience
Learning to recognise our tendencies and choose how we feel
The freedom that comes from reality-based living
How to be more tolerant and accept differences
“There is no such things as bad weather, just bad clothing.” (Anon)
How to have more free attention and energy
Breaking through to a more present awareness
Meditation is a great way to increase presence and reality
You are thinking a lot, and your brain can’t help it
Exercising better choices
Using the ‘right-hand’ and ‘left-hand’ technique to seperate thoughts from things
Reactive behaviour versus proactive.

HOW TO WORK THIS INTO YOUR LIFE

Cultivate the ability to notice yourself making unnecessary judgements
When you hear yourself, or feel yourself being negative (or overly positive) pause.
Hold out your left hand and in your imagination place the thing/person/event into your hand
Say something like, “OK, this is the (insert the object/subject) and it is as it is.”
Hold out your right hand and in your imagination place the thing/person/event into that hand
Say something like, “And this is what I’m adding to the reality. I am thinking/saying/feeling (insert). However, that is seperate to the reality.”
This will help you become more aware of what you’re adding to the ‘thing.’
Then you have put yourself in a position whereby you are aware of the two elements.
You can then alter whether, and what, you add.
You’ll notice a gradual ability to hold something without judging it any further.
You’ll notice you’ll become more tolerant, less reactive, more real.

Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/wisdomcafe)

INTRO

WHAT WE TALK ABOUT

The principle of the thing vs the thought
How our brain fuses together elements of a situation
We are sense-making machines and how that affects our perceptions
How judgements colour our experience
Learning to recognise our tendencies and choose how we feel
The freedom that comes from reality-based living
How to be more tolerant and accept differences
“There is no such things as bad weather, just bad clothing.” (Anon)
How to have more free attention and energy
Breaking through to a more present awareness
Meditation is a great way to increase presence and reality
You are thinking a lot, and your brain can’t help it
Exercising better choices
Using the ‘right-hand’ and ‘left-hand’ technique to seperate thoughts from things
Reactive behaviour versus proactive.

HOW TO WORK THIS INTO YOUR LIFE

Cultivate the ability to notice yourself making unnecessary judgements
When you hear yourself, or feel yourself being negative (or overly positive) pause.
Hold out your left hand and in your imagination place the thing/person/event into your hand
Say something like, “OK, this is the (insert the object/subject) and it is as it is.”
Hold out your right hand and in your imagination place the thing/person/event into that hand
Say something like, “And this is what I’m adding to the reality. I am thinking/saying/feeling (insert). However, that is seperate to the reality.”
This will help you become more aware of what you’re adding to the ‘thing.’
Then you have put yourself in a position whereby you are aware of the two elements.
You can then alter whether, and what, you add.
You’ll notice a gradual ability to hold something without judging it any further.
You’ll notice you’ll become more tolerant, less reactive, more real.

Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/wisdomcafe)

Previous Episode

Confessions of an Imperfect Life Coach

INTRO
Life coaches should have their act together, right? After all, they offer support to others on how to live well. They hold themselves up as someone to possibly emulate. In this episode, I open up about my own struggles to focus and follow through on one thing. Maybe, it’s because I don’t fit well into a standard box? And we look at imposter syndrome, how to live large, and stories of ordinary people doing cool things to make a difference.

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SHARE
To help me grow the audience, and share the ideas more widely, please share this with people you think will enjoy it. Use the social links provided. And thank you!

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WHAT WE TALK ABOUT

People in the digital world try to create a ‘brand’
The struggle to nail down the ‘one thing’ you do
Is having 13 irons in the fire, worse than only 2?
Life coaches and mentors experience the imposter syndrome
Showing confidence doesn’t mean you always are confident
Self-doubt may be built into your DNA
It’s also reinforced by your upbringing
You can walk with it successfully
“What if I’m wrong?”
“What if no one wants to know?”
The tendency to place more weight on other’s ideas
Education involves absorbing other’s ideas
The fear of having your own ideas rejected
Accepting who you are now as well
Society isn’t warm to being vulnerable or failing
Being a better person - you go first
We all have a lot of potential
Maybe we don’t all have the same level of potential
We can waste a lot of it, though
Having a direction for personal growth, not a destination
“Expand all the way to the end” (RB)
Living a larger life - connection with others
Our lives are also not just our own
We live in various communities
Reconnecting with my birth mother
Falling in love with my Dad again
“The better the quality of our connections…the larger our lives can be.” (RB)
The practical elements of better connecting
Make more of a difference
John Wood
The Minimalists
Brené Brown
Chefs for Compassion
Sea Cleaners
Richard in Budapest
Rob’s Solo world trip in 2016
Become more aware
Start doing small things

How to Work This Into Your Life

Accept that it’s OK not to be perfect
Accept that you are a combination of all your strengths, weaknesses, ups, and downs.
All of it is you.
Try not to teach or lead out of what you know.
Instead, teach or lead out of who you are.
The real you offers more value than a constructed brand or curated expertise.
Be appropriately honest with those you work alongside, serve through your work, or live with.
Show your questions and doubts as part of the mix of your offer.

Next Episode

The Stoics Were Right - Cultivating Virtue in Your Life

INTRO
You know when you see it, someone with great character. But what is character, exactly? In this episode, we look at the ideas of the Stoics and realise that although they were around millennia ago, they were right all along. Cultivating virtues is the key to being a better person and living a better life.

WHAT WE TALK ABOUT

Stoicism is not about the stiff upper lip
Stoicism is a philosophy from around 300BC onwards
The underlying principles are to be real, be virtuous, and grow wise
The philosophy of today’s world is wrecked
Four main types of virtues are courage, moderation, justice, and wisdom
Sometimes you need to push the boundaries and sometimes you need to pull back
Wisdom tells the difference
The Stoics suggested we actively cultivate these virtues
Wandering and wondering is a good way to think and talk
Stoics included:
Zeno
Seneca
Marcus Aurelius
Epictetus
Don’t become a Stoic, use the principles in your own life
Book: The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman
Website: dailystoic.com
Book: Meditations by Marcus Aurelius
Ideas should be cumulatively absorbed over time
Saying: “Repetition is the mother of skill” - Rob Bialostocki
I regret that I was so judgemental when I was younger
Compassion is a better mindset
What you do on a daily basis is what your life’s like
Do it because that’s what you do
Living an examined life - Socrates
Wisdom is context-dependent

HOW TO WORK THIS INTO YOUR LIFE

Do a periodic self-check
Schedule it into your life - weekly or monthly
Ask yourself, “How well am I doing?” in relation to virtues in your life
Ask with your head, listen with your heart
My list:
- Kindness
- Compassion
- Fairness
- Integrity
- Generosity

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