Therapy: Deconstructed
Dr. Bonnie Wims
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Top 10 Therapy: Deconstructed Episodes
Goodpods has curated a list of the 10 best Therapy: Deconstructed episodes, ranked by the number of listens and likes each episode have garnered from our listeners. If you are listening to Therapy: Deconstructed for the first time, there's no better place to start than with one of these standout episodes. If you are a fan of the show, vote for your favorite Therapy: Deconstructed episode by adding your comments to the episode page.
Helping Men to Build Relationships and Express Themselves, with Owen Marcus
Therapy: Deconstructed
02/07/24 • 39 min
Men often get left behind when it comes to therapy.
Owen Marcus, a coach who works with men to connect so that their relationships work, believes men are hungry for an environment where they can feel safe, and get connected in authentic ways to other men. Owen trained and often taught with leaders in the fields of somatic and relationship therapies in the late 1970s and 1980s. Ron Kurtz and Peter Levine, Ph.D., taught him how to use body awareness as a powerful yet gentle way to produce significant change.
Men have been trained in different ways to perform, to fix, to solve problems; they are indoctrinated from a young age to do so. Female partners and spouses often ask for men to be able to empathize with their emotions. Owen believes that men can be both masculine AND vulnerable, once they understand that it is okay to discuss emotions and feelings.
Sometimes you can't go in straight in the front door. This therapeutic approach is a window that allows people to start thinking about things in a different way!
Notes
🧔 Owen is a coach who works with men: it seems like men often get left behind in therapy. 01:06
👨🦱 He was immersed in the somatic psychotherapy approach: men hardly talk about their emotions. 02:06
⚡ Hakomi method: using the body as a vehicle to create emotional change. 05:20
🌞 Men are good at fixing things, but they need connection: emotional connection with women happens when men are authentic in their own emotional language. 08:33
⚠️ We aren't innately flawed: men do not feel they are enough, and they think they are trapped. 13:49
🚩 Men think they’re being emotional, by using emotional words, but they are not connecting emotionally. 18:37
😇 Men are hungry for an environment where they can feel safe, and get connected in really authentic ways to other men. 24:56
🗣️ Practicing with other people and having a practicing arena for therapists and couples: learning new skills and having mutual help. 29:58
🤓 Physiology of stress, the emotional aspect of it, and the impact of culture: when the box of understanding expand, men have more space for relationships and changes in their lives. 33:10
🛑 Stephen Porges’ Polyvagal theory: shame runs rampant for men - stop the pathway in which you are wrong. 36:07
Links
Meet Owen: www.owenmarcus.com
Connect with Dr. Bonnie Wims:www.bonniewims.com
Book:https://www.amazon.com/Called-to-Lead/dp/B094RF5K9L
Follow Dr. Bonnie Wims:www.linkedin.com/in/drbonniewims
Book a free call with Dr. Bonnie Wims:calendly.com/bonnie-96
What is Really Therapeutic?
Therapy: Deconstructed
06/07/23 • 25 min
Calming activities are not a replacement for real therapy. Activities like “goat yoga” can offer a relaxing and decompressing experience that can help manage stress, but calling them therapeutic is a mistake. If you are suffering from trauma that is negatively impacting your sense of self and your ability to cope, it may be best for you to seek out genuine therapeutic help to overcome those struggles. Therapy is not a quick fix, so start the journey as early as you can, so you can learn to understand yourself and enjoy the benefits of a life with positive mental health. It’s never too late to ‘think about our thinking’ and integrate our joy with the understanding of our trauma from the past. Goat & puppy yoga may be cute and calming, but if you are struggling with anxiety, depression, or a skewed sense of self, consider speaking to a therapist today.
🐐 Goat yoga is not therapeutic in the real sense of the word. 01:50
🥺 Four of Bonnie’s older siblings left home because of their abusive father: why running away from home at age 15 was the only choice. 03:07
🤯 Bonnie survived trauma: reconstructing life in school, relationships, and work. 10:55
👱♀️ Mood swings and anxiety: looking back - if Bonnie had therapy at a younger age, it would have helped her tremendously. 13:08
🧒 Children blame themselves for abuse: self-blame that tangles with fear and affects all relationships. 14:05
🥃 Alcoholism is not the excuse for horrible behavior: PTSD is real for non-military people, too. 16:22
👉 Trauma response is real: Bonnie’s triggers and how they impacted her choices. 18:08
✨ Understanding and connection to oneself can deepen through therapy. 21:17
🎯 What proper therapy with a therapist can provide you. 22:06
Links:
Connect with Dr. Bonnie Wims:www.bonniewims.com
Book:https://www.amazon.com/Called-to-Lead/dp/B094RF5K9L
Follow Dr. Bonnie Wims:www.linkedin.com/in/drbonniewims
Book a free call with Dr. Bonnie Wims:calendly.com/bonnie-96
Fostering Healthy Relationships Through Boundary Setting and Self-Care with Olivia Verhulst
Therapy: Deconstructed
04/03/24 • 33 min
Self-care and boundaries are ever-evolving, just as our identity evolves!
Olivia Verhulst is a psychotherapist, adjunct professor, Forbes Health Advisor and She Leads LIVE conference speaker. With a strong focus on self-care and boundaries, Olivia believes it is important to allow ourselves to have needs and address them. Self-care is a deep-rooted sense of what it is to care for ourselves, and we need to allow ourselves to make decisions that align with nourishing self-preservation boundaries.
Olivia teaches that while boundaries can sometimes be scary to implement, they are, in fact, what keeps us close to others. Setting boundaries in our lives allows us to place limits in our relationships and to create a space within which we can show up genuinely and authentically without running the risk of overextending ourselves.
Be willing to hear what it is that you are telling yourself, and then show up for yourself!
Notes:
🎤 Olivia met Bonnie at the She Leads LIVE 2023 conference, where she gave a speech about self-care. 3:07
⚠️ Self-care is really about the purpose and context, not Spa trips and massages. 4:47
👉 The desire to constantly try to be perfect comes from a sense of inadequacy. 07:08
🤔 Boundaries are scary for many, but they're the thing that keeps us close to others. 10:06
👀 Resentment can inform us about what's going on inside of us. 13:15
🫂 Intimacy involves being truly seen and known by another. 18:21
🗣️ People are not mind readers: when we communicate with them, we name our limits in relationships. 21:22
🌸 Our identity is ever-evolving, and thus, so are our boundaries. 26:40
😇 Being willing to hear what you're telling yourself: permitting yourself to be a needy human. 29:39
Links:
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/olivia-verhulst-34098b136/
Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/mary-olivia-verhulst-new-york-ny/1003416
Don’t Go To Therapy For Someone Else’s Advice; Go To Find Your Own Answers
Therapy: Deconstructed
05/03/23 • 22 min
A common myth about therapy is that therapists offer their patients advice. This is actually something that therapists are not supposed to do, as it gives away your power to someone else. Therapists are not trained to be expert advice-givers or to dish out solutions to problems. Rather, therapists are trained to deeply listen and serve as a guide for you to explore within and discover your own answers. When seeking therapy, the goal is to build a trusting relationship not only with your therapist, but more importantly with yourself. This allows you to explore your own feelings, safely and with support so you can make decisions that are right for you. While it may be tempting to ask a therapist for advice, this actually goes against the objective of therapy. The ‘right’ answers and the solutions that are best for you come from finding that place within where you trust yourself and recognize that you are in control of your own life!
🙅♀️ Why therapists should NOT give advice. 01:26
🤯 The shock to the system for all therapists who start training: everybody wants advice! 02:37
👩🎓 Student therapist placement and supervision: when the urge to help, along with the client asking for advice, led to failure. 04:22
🤩 Why your clinical therapist won’t give you advice: what is the therapeutic relationship? 08:19
🎯 You are the expert of you - we help you realize that. 11:51
✨ When we ask for advice, we don’t build trust within ourselves. 14:14
🌸 Learning to trust yourself: self-care is a highly used word, but what matters is giving yourself the gift of trusting yourself. 15:30
✅ Blaming the therapist vs. revealing your inner knowing and finding the answer within. 17:20
⚡ Listening and reflecting in therapy: the answer will always come from within you. 19:32
Links:
Connect with Dr. Bonnie Wims: www.bonniewims.com
Book: https://www.amazon.com/Called-to-Lead/dp/B094RF5K9L
Follow Dr. Bonnie Wims: www.linkedin.com/in/drbonniewims
Book a free call with Dr. Bonnie Wims: calendly.com/bonnie-96
Therapy Across Cultures: A Journey to Self-Acceptance with Yuri Chu Su
Therapy: Deconstructed
03/06/24 • 35 min
Getting to know yourself so that you may be kinder to yourself.
Yuri Chu Su is a digital nomad who embarked upon a 20-month transformative journey around the world. Growing up in a household where emotions were not openly discussed, Yuri felt alone in her struggles with stress and anxiety. In a critical step in college, Yuri found a female Chinese therapist on campus and her therapy journey began.
Through therapy, Yuri realized the importance of self-awareness and self-compassion. The process of observing thoughts without judgment and recognizing the value of having a safe space to unload and be validated are just some of the benefits she received from going to therapy.
How to take a beat and step out of reaction mode to witness the thoughts that are bothering us is the greatest tool for self-awareness. “I’m not my thoughts, but I’m the awareness of my thoughts” - is the biggest lesson Yuri learned by going to therapy.
Show notes
🇨🇷Yuri and Dr. Bonnie met in the jungle in Costa Rica. 01:07
👩🏼🎓 Yuri has been in therapy since she was 19: her family does not speak about emotions or mental health, so she has often felt alone in her struggles. 04:04
😇 Challenging herself to speak about emotions: getting out of the comfort zone in order to feel better. 06:46
🤩 A good therapist validates feelings without judging whether they are good or bad. 08:38
👩🏻⚕️ Cultural experiences with therapy: Yuri’s first therapist was Chinese and female, which led to a deep and more complete understanding of each other. 10:01
✌️ The importance of finding a therapist with experience working with issues similar to yours. 11:48
✍🏻 Finding the method that works for you: different types of therapies - online typing therapy, video call therapy, classic one-on-one. 14:27
🤗 The benefit of talking to someone who is not judging you: present and validating relationship. 16:13
🛠️ The concept of self-awareness and personal programs: getting the tools to navigate situations through your life. 18:18
🤓 Self-awareness is creating a space between thoughts and observing them with critical thinking. 21:24
🪷 Cultural clash and contrasts of Chinese and Peruvian cultures: finding a way to navigate two different worlds. 24:02
🎯 You are not flawed - challenge the preconceptions we have. 25:49
😍 Therapy helped Yuri to become an even kinder version of herself and improve the negativity, judging and shame she unleashed on herself. 28:13
💎 Push through the reluctance: only good things can meet you on the journey of getting to know yourself. 29:16
Links:
🤩 Connect with Yuri on Instagram: @yurichusu & at www.yurichusu.com
Connect with Dr. Bonnie Wims: www.bonniewims.com
Book Mentioned: https://www.amazon.com/Called-to-Lead/dp/B094RF5K9L
Follow Dr. Bonnie Wims: www.linkedin.com/in/drbonniewims
Book a free call with Dr. Bonnie Wims: calendly.com/bonnie-96
The 1% Shift: Navigating New Year Resolutions and Building Lasting Change
Therapy: Deconstructed
01/03/24 • 20 min
Progress is not achieved by sudden flight but by gradual steps of introspection, adaptation, and perseverance.
Together with Dr. Wims, let’s analyze the shortcomings of New Year’s resolutions, attributing their lack of success to unrealistic expectations and the absence of a structured plan for change.
By shedding light on James Clear’s concept of making 1% changes through consistent habits, she emphasizes the power of small, incremental shifts over grand but unsustainable transformations. She urges her listeners to recognize existing habits and strategically introduce new ones, creating an environment conducive to change. Instead of focusing on impossibly high-end goals, prioritize positive self-talk and gradual, attainable changes.
Encourage yourself to accept gradual changes, maintain a positive mindset, and persevere through setbacks, understanding that enduring transformation is a journey, not an instantaneous achievement.
🎉 New Year, new me: resolutions as a tool for changing our lives, but why are those not working? 01:06
🗓️ Social pressures and creating new habits: we don’t have a system, yet we hope for change. 04:20
🔑 Small shifts are essential for the breakthrough moment: 1-minute shifts and ice cube melting explanation. 05:39
💪 Encouraging yourself to make 1% change: the craving, response, reward. 09:07
🧱 Using stacking and combining things you love with new things: small ideas on how to make a system for a change. 10:31
🔍 We already have habits in our life, just notice them: the cue, craving, behavior, and reward. 12:37
🧠 Mental health change: look at your habits and how you are watching yourself. 14:50
📈 Gradual change for improvement: don’t get discouraged by the setbacks. 16:20
Links:
Connect with Dr. Bonnie Wims: www.bonniewims.com
Book: https://www.amazon.com/Called-to-Lead/dp/B094RF5K9L
Follow Dr. Bonnie Wims: www.linkedin.com/in/drbonniewims
Book a free call with Dr. Bonnie Wims: calendly.com/bonnie-96
Your Brain on Grief - Why It’s Important to Honor and Process Grief
Therapy: Deconstructed
09/06/23 • 24 min
Fully processing our losses is essential for overcoming prolonged grief. When the grieving process is disrupted, and we can't properly acknowledge our loss and integrate them into our lives, we can get stuck in prolonged grief. When we have unresolved grief, memories can bring back strong fight-or-flight reactions and cause emotional responses that can be hard on our bodies and our lifestyles. Grief is something that we all have to deal with, and it can be a very difficult emotion to process, but it's essential that we take the time to deal with it in our own ways and create the remembrance and reverence for our losses that we need so we can move on in a healthy way. Honor and talk about your grief, and don't get stuck with a 'grief brain'.
Show Notes:
▶️ We all experienced grief: unresolved grief can impact your life negatively. 01:14
🤕 A story about Bonnie’s friend: the prognosis of her illness was not good. 02:41
😢 Traveling to say goodbye: the difficult and beautiful moments in life. 05:32
🧠 Foggy details and ‘grief brain’. 07:19
👉 Grief can be felt emotionally, physically, behaviorally, and spiritually. 08:16
🤷♀️ What prolonged grief is, and how to recognize it. 08:54
⚠️ How grief affects your brain: trauma and fight-or-flight mode. 10:10
⚱️ Difference between the initial grief and the grieving: traditions that help and differences in the process. 11:34
😭 Six months after her father passed, Bonnie had an emotional reaction while donating platelets at a hospital. 13:21
📕 Unresolved grief can extend the grieving process. 17:35
🛐 With ambiguous losses, a lack of rituals and support can be difficult. 20:20
!!️ How to help someone who is grieving: a fear of stopping grieving, so we can hold onto loved ones. 21:19
🎯 Grief in therapy is handled like all emotional trauma: it needs to be honored. 23:05
Links
Connect with Dr. Bonnie Wims: www.bonniewims.com
Books/Resources:
Called To Lead
Ambiguous Loss: Learning to Live with Unresolved Grief
Follow Dr. Bonnie Wims: www.linkedin.com/in/drbonniewims
Book a free call with Dr. Bonnie Wims: calendly.com/bonnie-96
The Fear of Change and How It Can Impact Our Psychological Health
Therapy: Deconstructed
10/04/23 • 40 min
Change is hard and it can impact our psychological health. We all have expectations and plans of how we want things to go, and change can make us feel like we are losing control of that. When change disrupts our comfort zone and challenges us, it can force us to look at ourselves in a new light, which can lead to anxiety, fear and negative self talk. The truth is that being scared of change is completely normal, and talking to people about how you feel and why you are scared and anxious can help you see things from a new perspective. Life is filled with change that can reinforce or challenge who we think we are, but as long as we are kind and understanding with ourselves through the challenges, they can help us grow stronger and more resilient.
Show notes:
🌀 Changes are very hard: changes impact our sense of happiness and comfort. 01:32
🇬🇧 Moving to the UK: first reaction of an eight-year-old who had a map of his future life in mind. 02:30
👦 Anxiety was born in Jesse: becoming introverted, OCD, and hating for change. 05:20
🏡 When home is just one place in the world. 08:59
🤯 Nostalgia and wrapping up our identity into external factors: moving back to the USA was even harder. 11:37
😩 Scared to let people in: being scared to talk to people and the need for therapy. 16:31
👉 When circumstances are very difficult, it has nothing to do with your capabilities: harsh self-talk and self-bullying. 19:00
🤫 Young men want to fix things themselves: rejecting conversations or not getting deep enough. 21:21
⚠️ Sometimes life is hard but talking about it can help. 23:07
😇 Thriving journey: starting to talk and showing authenticity released Jesse’s confidence. 24:57
🎯 We often define ourselves as too small: the importance of being flexible in how you define yourself. 27:42
😇 Daily things challenge who we think we are: self-discovery and personal growth are on every corner. 29:19
🛌 Loneliness and identity crisis in various cities: the first night is the hardest. 32:44
🌞 Using “if-then” sentences in therapy: separating yourself from your feelings. 35:24
🤩 The importance of recognizing what you are saying to yourself in times of change. 37:20
Connect with Dr. Bonnie Wims:www.bonniewims.com
Book:https://www.amazon.com/Called-to-Lead/dp/B094RF5K9L
Follow Dr. Bonnie Wims:www.linkedin.com/in/drbonniewims
Book a free call with Dr. Bonnie Wims:calendly.com/bonnie-96
Rediscover Your Inner Self: The Importance of Uncovering Your Thinking Traps
Therapy: Deconstructed
11/01/23 • 18 min
We all have the thinking traps that hinder resilience, such as jumping to negative conclusions and personalizing mistakes. It’s important to realize what our patterns of thinking are.
In this episode, you'll explore the profound notion of self-judgment and the remarkable practice of rediscovering your inner self. Dr. Bonnie Wims skillfully guides you through the process of letting go of the myth of perfection and moving into accepting your beautifully imperfect self. You'll be encouraged to embrace your mistakes as opportunities for growth and learning, just as she has.
Dr. Bonnie Wims’ empowering message is clear: it's your uniqueness, your authenticity, and your determination to learn and improve that define your worth. She motivates you to discover what your own thinking traps are, and shows you how to break free from their grip. You'll feel inspired to seize every challenge as a chance to become stronger and more resilient. Remember, your worth is not determined by perfection, but by your unyielding spirit and your willingness to keep moving forward.
Notes:
📜 I don't go to therapy to find out if I'm a freak. Dr. Williams's poem “What Do You Hear in These Sounds”. 01:06
🙃 Perfectionism traps us in a catch-22: negative thinking patterns and self-doubt. 01:50
📕 The Resilience Factor book: thinking traps and patterns prevent us from being resilient. 03:48
⚠️ Jumping to conclusions of negative. 05:09
2️⃣ Personalizing faults and mistakes: a thinking trap that tells you that you are guilty. 06:29
🎙️ Success in podcasting comes from letting go of the idea of a perfect podcast. 08:22
🧮 Comfort zone and pushing out of it: practice and learning - trying again is the key. 10:06
🎯 Remind yourself to stay connected to yourself: meditation or different tools. 13:15
🌞 Learning and being curious are big reasons for living. 15:57
Links:
Connect with Dr. Bonnie Wims: www.bonniewims.com
Book: https://www.amazon.com/Called-to-Lead/dp/B094RF5K9L
Follow Dr. Bonnie Wims: www.linkedin.com/in/drbonniewims
Book a free call with Dr. Bonnie Wims: calendly.com/bonnie-96
Call 988 in Crisis: The Importance of Normalizing Conversations Around Suicide with Lisa Sugarman
Therapy: Deconstructed
07/03/24 • 38 min
**Trigger Warning: Suicide**
The following content discusses topics related to suicide. This may be distressing or triggering for some individuals. If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, please seek help from a mental health professional or contact a crisis hotline immediately.
____________________________________________________________________________________________
Sharing creates a community and an environment where people don't feel judged.
Lisa Sugarman is an author, syndicated columnist, three-time survivor of loss from suicide. She’s also a storyteller with NAMI, and a crisis counselor with the Trevor Project. Lisa shares her personal story of losing her father, cousin, and childhood friend. Lisa didn't know her father had taken his life until she was 45, the same age he was when he died. The specific kind of grief she experienced prompted Lisa to learn all she could about mental health and share her experiences to help others.
While Lisa is an empath and a highly sensitive person, her work as a counselor in Lifeline is not negatively affecting her. Rather, it has empowered her more! Lisa shares tips on how to deal with people in crisis and how to help them manage the tough feelings they’re experiencing.
The decision to take one’s life stems from horrible suffering, often endured silently. Listening to people’s stories, doing all you can to understand them, and holding a safe space to express their problems can help tremendously.
It’s so important to bring uncomfortable subjects to the surface and into the mainstream so we can normalize conversations around mental illness, suicide, and crisis.
Show notes:
☹️ Lisa is a Crisis counselor: she lost her father, cousin, and childhood friend to suicide. 01:47
🤩 Storytelling, writing, and being a listener to help suicidal people. 03:18
⚠️ Understanding the power of sharing your story as a suicide loss survivor: suicide loss is a specific kind of trauma. 07:07
👂 There is no fix for grief but holding space gives empowerment. 11:03
😭 The way Lisa found out her dad took his life: the different kind of grief. 12:35
👩👧 Mother’s protection and family dynamics after the suicide. 15:43
🦸 Crisis counselors are unsung heroes: meeting people in their most raw realness. 20:23
🗣️ Using blunt language with a person who is in pain or potentially suicidal. 24:04
☎️ Lifelines are needed for every crisis and should be used regularly: call 988. 29:40
🌺 Lisa creates short videos and writes the column We Are Who We Are: creating recourses and making them available for everyone. 32:18.
Links:
Website: www.lisasugarman.com
Connect with Lisa: www.linkedin.com/in/lisa-sugarman-she-her-hers-16925b69
Follow Dr. Bonnie Wims:www.linkedin.com/in/drbonniewims
Book a free call with Dr. Bonnie Wims:calendly.com/bonnie-96
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FAQ
How many episodes does Therapy: Deconstructed have?
Therapy: Deconstructed currently has 23 episodes available.
What topics does Therapy: Deconstructed cover?
The podcast is about Doctor, Health & Fitness, Mental Wellness, Psychology, Mental Health, Therapy, Podcasts, Trauma and Therapist.
What is the most popular episode on Therapy: Deconstructed?
The episode title 'The Power of Therapy to Heal Trauma' is the most popular.
What is the average episode length on Therapy: Deconstructed?
The average episode length on Therapy: Deconstructed is 30 minutes.
How often are episodes of Therapy: Deconstructed released?
Episodes of Therapy: Deconstructed are typically released every 28 days, 3 hours.
When was the first episode of Therapy: Deconstructed?
The first episode of Therapy: Deconstructed was released on Feb 23, 2023.
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