Fostering Healthy Relationships Through Boundary Setting and Self-Care with Olivia Verhulst

04/03/24 • 33 min

Self-care and boundaries are ever-evolving, just as our identity evolves!

Olivia Verhulst is a psychotherapist, adjunct professor, Forbes Health Advisor and She Leads LIVE conference speaker. With a strong focus on self-care and boundaries, Olivia believes it is important to allow ourselves to have needs and address them. Self-care is a deep-rooted sense of what it is to care for ourselves, and we need to allow ourselves to make decisions that align with nourishing self-preservation boundaries.

Olivia teaches that while boundaries can sometimes be scary to implement, they are, in fact, what keeps us close to others. Setting boundaries in our lives allows us to place limits in our relationships and to create a space within which we can show up genuinely and authentically without running the risk of overextending ourselves.

Be willing to hear what it is that you are telling yourself, and then show up for yourself!

Notes:
🎤 Olivia met Bonnie at the She Leads LIVE 2023 conference, where she gave a speech about self-care. 3:07
⚠️ Self-care is really about the purpose and context, not Spa trips and massages. 4:47
👉 The desire to constantly try to be perfect comes from a sense of inadequacy. 07:08
🤔 Boundaries are scary for many, but they're the thing that keeps us close to others. 10:06
👀 Resentment can inform us about what's going on inside of us. 13:15
🫂 Intimacy involves being truly seen and known by another. 18:21
🗣️ People are not mind readers: when we communicate with them, we name our limits in relationships. 21:22
🌸 Our identity is ever-evolving, and thus, so are our boundaries. 26:40
😇 Being willing to hear what you're telling yourself: permitting yourself to be a needy human. 29:39

Links:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/olivia-verhulst-34098b136/

Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/mary-olivia-verhulst-new-york-ny/1003416

Self-care and boundaries are ever-evolving, just as our identity evolves!

Be willing to hear what it is that you are telling yourself, and then show up for yourself!

Links:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/olivia-verhulst-34098b136/

Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/mary-olivia-verhulst-new-york-ny/1003416

Previous Episode

Therapy Across Cultures: A Journey to Self-Acceptance with Yuri Chu Su

Getting to know yourself so that you may be kinder to yourself.

Yuri Chu Su is a digital nomad who embarked upon a 20-month transformative journey around the world. Growing up in a household where emotions were not openly discussed, Yuri felt alone in her struggles with stress and anxiety. In a critical step in college, Yuri found a female Chinese therapist on campus and her therapy journey began.

Through therapy, Yuri realized the importance of self-awareness and self-compassion. The process of observing thoughts without judgment and recognizing the value of having a safe space to unload and be validated are just some of the benefits she received from going to therapy.

How to take a beat and step out of reaction mode to witness the thoughts that are bothering us is the greatest tool for self-awareness. “I’m not my thoughts, but I’m the awareness of my thoughts” - is the biggest lesson Yuri learned by going to therapy.

Show notes
🇨🇷Yuri and Dr. Bonnie met in the jungle in Costa Rica. 01:07
👩🏼‍🎓 Yuri has been in therapy since she was 19: her family does not speak about emotions or mental health, so she has often felt alone in her struggles. 04:04
😇 Challenging herself to speak about emotions: getting out of the comfort zone in order to feel better. 06:46
🤩 A good therapist validates feelings without judging whether they are good or bad. 08:38
👩🏻‍⚕️ Cultural experiences with therapy: Yuri’s first therapist was Chinese and female, which led to a deep and more complete understanding of each other. 10:01
✌️ The importance of finding a therapist with experience working with issues similar to yours. 11:48
✍🏻 Finding the method that works for you: different types of therapies - online typing therapy, video call therapy, classic one-on-one. 14:27
🤗 The benefit of talking to someone who is not judging you: present and validating relationship. 16:13
🛠️ The concept of self-awareness and personal programs: getting the tools to navigate situations through your life. 18:18
🤓 Self-awareness is creating a space between thoughts and observing them with critical thinking. 21:24
🪷 Cultural clash and contrasts of Chinese and Peruvian cultures: finding a way to navigate two different worlds. 24:02
🎯 You are not flawed - challenge the preconceptions we have. 25:49
😍 Therapy helped Yuri to become an even kinder version of herself and improve the negativity, judging and shame she unleashed on herself. 28:13
💎 Push through the reluctance: only good things can meet you on the journey of getting to know yourself. 29:16

Links:

🤩 Connect with Yuri on Instagram: @yurichusu & at www.yurichusu.com

Connect with Dr. Bonnie Wims: www.bonniewims.com

Book Mentioned: https://www.amazon.com/Called-to-Lead/dp/B094RF5K9L

Follow Dr. Bonnie Wims: www.linkedin.com/in/drbonniewims

Book a free call with Dr. Bonnie Wims: calendly.com/bonnie-96

Next Episode

How Healing Trauma Can Help Triumph in Your Business with Jennifer Dawn

We are not broken, we just need help to understand ourselves.

Jennifer Dawn is an expert business coach, creator of Best Planner Ever, author and podcaster. She very openly shares her story that started with a mix of trauma but also entrepreneurial creativity. Her childhood wounds affected her life, relationships and business. Jennifer discusses her experiences with trauma and abuse. Therapy helped her recognize and address these issues, leading to personal growth and healing. Her reason for going into therapy may seem a bit different, but it worked perfectly for her.

We are all coping. We all feel pain inside, but most of us push it deep down and try to walk through life like nothing happened. However, the pain often shows up in things that are not always obviously connected with the pain and trauma. It’s unfortunate that getting therapy is stigmatized, as it is essential to healing our self talk, discomfort, and worries. Our mental health impacts various aspects of life, including things like business planning and organization skills. When we heal, we get new perspectives, new impacts in business and in life. Ultimately, a new us.

Notes:
👩‍💼 Jennifer is a business coach who organized a retreat in Costa Rica, where Bonnie had an amazing experience. 01:55
😇 Personal development and mental health journey: Jennifer is advocating and talks very openly about her personal and mental challenges. 03:34
👧 Childhood trauma impacted Jennifer’s relationships: therapy helped her in fixing her issues, but the reason she went on it is a bit different than usual ones. 05:13
💣 Pressing bad things and trauma in: trauma gets out in harsh, fighting reactions to small things. 11:16
😥 Pushing through as coping mechanism: relationships showed something is not working well for Jennifer. 15:17
⚠️ Childhood wounds are real: not all got abused, but we just don’t admit we have pain inside. 17:03
🆚 Misunderstanding around anxiety: healing vs diagnosis. 18:20
🍀 Therapy changed Jennifer’s business as well: emotional intelligence show up in our actions. 21:17
💭 The thoughts you tell yourself are very important to recognize and admit. 23:37
🤩 Find the right therapist and have intention to heal: don’t give up if you have bad experiences here and there. 26:03
🔑 Transformation Bonnie shares: being open is the key for all epiphanies in life.
🌹 When you heal, everything changes around you: new perspectives, relationships and new you. 32:26
🏖️ Retreats, coaching and all Jennifer is working on. 33:36

Links:

Website: https://jenniferdawncoaching.com/

Retreats: https://jenniferdawncoaching.com/our-retreats/

Follow Dr. Bonnie Wims:www.linkedin.com/in/drbonniewims

Book a free call with Dr. Bonnie Wims:calendly.com/bonnie-96