THE YUMMY WAY PODCAST

In today’s episode we’re talking about giving and receiving. It’s really a matter of where we’re coming from, both in the giving and receiving. Are we coming from love, joy and the natural extension of sharing that comes from that? Or are we giving and receiving with the expectation of getting something in return?
Like if you give someone something, you expect them to say thank you, yes? Why?
So often, when we give, we have an agenda attached. We give and expect a response that validates us. Do we give out of guilt, expectation or obligation?
Do we expect certain gifts or behaviors from others as proof of their love of care?
There are so many social norms that can get in the way giving for the simple joy of the experience of giving. It’s Christmas, Valentines Day, birthdays, etc., so there’s like this built-in expectation that if we love someone, we’ll give them something special to prove we thought of them. Right? Most of us have had moments when we recognized an inner resistance to these social norms.
Generosity is a natural part of our human condition — of our divine condition — of the natural out-flowing of love, which seeks to share and join with another.
Expectation robs us of the opportunity for our natural generosity to come up for us. We might act, but our heart isn’t fully engaged. Can you relate?
It feels yummy to give, yes? That’s the gift we’re already receiving. Whether it’s a behavior, a gesture or a physical gift, it is always our heart we are giving. Are we giving it away?
What we want to emphasize is the dynamic energy of giving and receiving with love.
When you change your behavior because somebody expects it of you, you are robbing yourself, and them, of the real you.
When someone or social norms seem to ask a particular behavior from you, you can step back, step away from the context, and find what’s true and authentic within. And accept that request from a genuine place of gratitude and love. And then respond in joy and generosity.
Let’s talk a minute about receiving. Every gift, be it monetary, a smile, a gesture or behavior, is really an extension of love. It might come through looking like a call for love — like when someone is expecting something from you. But it is alway love looking to meet itself within the exchange.
True receiving is never about the gift someone is giving or doing thing they want you to do — it is receiving the person with love.
Receiving is never about the thing or the request. It is about receiving the person’s extension of themselves.
If someone is offering anything to you, eye to eye contact, a gift, a smile, a hand, an opinion — anything that someone is extending, to just receive it as a gift of unity together is the greatest joy. The thing doesn’t matter. The person the does. That is what receiving is for. That is what giving is for.
There are always two things going on when we are having an exchange with someone.
There is the response of our inner being that recognizes the chance for unity. Then there’s this ego or programmed response that jumps in and judges the exchange. And if we listen to that voice in our head we miss the authentic experience being gifted us in that moment.
Finally, we all just want to be seen and accepted and loved just for who we are!
This is the purpose all giving and receiving.
If we let social norm expectations or our judgement of what we think someone else’s motivation for giving is, we miss the true exchange possible.
It feels yummy just to receive everything from everyone and every single way we are being gifted life in countless ways.
Have a yummy week & a yummy day!

What keeps us from staying present in the actuality of what’s happening, moment to moment?
In today’s episode we’re talking about shame and recognizing it for what it is — a program in our mind which discounts the actuality of our current experience, because of beliefs we’ve adopted that tell us what make us worthy of love, acceptance and the right to be who we are right here and now.
Shame is always sponsored by a ‘should.’ Have you noticed? This should have gone like that our I should have acted differently, etc. ‘Should’ is never in present tense. It is based in belief in cultural norms.
Shame comes when we belief that something is wrong with us. We’ve bought into what those around us have told us is the right way to be and we feel like we’re not making the grade.
It comes down to how we’ve been indoctrinated, and much we’ve internalized that indoctrination.
Something happens, and rather than accept it and keep moving, we pull our energy inward and withdraw from honest participation in the moment because of a feeling of unworthiness.
We personalize it as something that says something about our value and lovability.
So shame is something we’re all familiar with, right? It seems immediate, yes? But it is really secondary to the beliefs we have about who we are supposed to be versus who we really are — moment to moment. Shame is the feeling that tells us that we are out of sync with the truth of who we are as love. It is based in fear.
The fear is that if we’re vulnerable and honest with another, they can use that truth as a weapon against us. But it is only harmful if we still believe that the truth can hurt us.
Shame requires secrecy to keep it in tact.
When we feel shame arise, we can see it as an invitation to examine the beliefs we are harboring, reevaluate, and rather than withdraw into ourselves, we can express the feelings, the thoughts, the beliefs that are choking us up, moving the energy along so we can see that what’s happening is not actually personal.
Shame makes us afraid to be ourselves. But the crazy thing is that if we are out loud about what we’re experiencing, it brings us present and we actually create a new base from which we operate — one of authentic vulnerability and personal power.
The secret to dissolving shame is being willing to be vulnerable and honest when we want to withdraw and hold back from engaging.
What we find is that as soon as share what what we want to keep secret — what we’re feeling and thinking —with another human being we realize it is us that has been giving shame all the power to cut us off from the human race.
You can’t be authentically yourself and hold onto your shame for long. Because when you’re being authentic, you’re just being yourself in that moment.
For example, I might be thinking/ feeling, “shit I’m ashamed I didn’t know this sooner.” But the second I say, “I’m feeling ashamed I didn’t know this sooner,” the feeling changes. As soon as I disclose what I’m thinking and feeling— as soon as I take that hot feeling inside and breath it through with my words, with my connection with another human being, love rises up with that sharing and I instantly have an new experience of myself — one that is real and powerful with self-ownership. Not only does it make me feel differently about myself, it offers the other person a chance to experience empathy and connection on a new level.
Being honest about our shame when it arises takes the charge out of it. Authenticity is the great connector. Sharing the truth of our own experience is the only chance we have of being truly present and connected with someone else. When I’m owning my feelings, my perspective, I am simultaneously allowing you yours. This connects us in our humanness and love has a chance to take the lead.

In today’s episode we’re discussing what’s going on with us when we caught up in worry.
For me, in looking at what’s really going on when I worry, I realized that worry is about being unwilling to be present with myself with the current circumstances I’m in — and feeling the uncertainty of what might happen next.

It is a way of creating fantasies of possible future outcomes — which promise you a sense of control. But it never works.

Worry is an attempt to try to control the uncertainty of how life is playing out —rather than accepting and embracing what’s happening.
If you really look at what’s going on in your mind when you’re worrying you see that worry is never about what’s actually happening. It is always about what’s not happening. It is a mental game playing with what-if scenarios.
We like thinking we’re the master of our universe. Worry is about trying to be in control.
We think that worrying will help us prepare — to predict so we can control the outcome. We can’t. Life is going to go how it is going to go.
So ask yourself honestly — has worry ever given you control? Really?
Now ask yourself — ‘Is there anything that will ever change as a result of my worrying about it?
Lar suggests that worry is part of the planning. It is part of preparing for all the possible things that could go wrong. Here’s where we want to get honest about how we feel. Is worrying causing anxiety because we think there is only one outcome that is acceptable?
Planning can be really useful. But worry happens when we take it personally. We attach our worth to the possible outcome. We place standard of acceptability to the outcome and that can keep us from taking action.
If we’re worrying or planning to attempt to create an acceptable outcome, we are rejecting all the other possible outcomes that life might have in store for us.
Letting go of the outcome is the antidote to letting go of worry.
Worry is one of those things in our collective program that we’ve attached to relationships and how much we love someone. Things like — If you love someone, won’t you worry about them? Doesn’t that prove how much you love them?
But how does worry really contribute to a loving relationship?
Worry is a substitute for having faith in the person and trusting the flow of life.
I’m reflecting on how often this topic came up when we were unschooling the boys. Worry keeps me from being present — and truly available for whatever happens. But having faith in them and their relationship with life, let’s me be their champion.
If we give up worry, we get to create new standards for success. Things like are we happy? Do we love ourselves and others?
Bottomline, there’s nothing to worry about.
Remember that joy is our natural state.
And anything that takes us away from that, is not actually useful.
If you’re caught in a loop of worry, take a moment to be mindful.
Here a little exercise you can use:
Pause and take 7 -10 long slow deep breaths

Zero into mindful practice. Your feet on the ground. What your hands are doing? What can you see? the colors and textured around you... What sounds do you hear?

Notice where the tension in your body is and deliberately soften and let go of the tension. If you can’t locate something specific, try progressive muscle relaxation— start at your feet; tighten and release, move to calves — tighten & release and so forth.
Use the breath to deliberately become more present and in touch with you natural state of joy.
Thanks for joining us again.
Have a yummy week & a yummy day!

In today’s episode we talking about how we find and live from each of our own integrity to true self verses out of obligation or deferring to some perceived authority.
It’s amazing how quickly we can defer to a so-called authority, when a seeming crisis happens and loose touch with your genuine personal experience. So often, at times like this, we give authority figures the power to tell us how we should feel.
It’s almost like ‘shit man, I’ve been going along doing fine, and now I’ve got this ‘problem’ that now I’ve got to fix.’
And if you get obsessive about it, your life gets really small.
Life becomes about a problem to be fixed — rather than a life to be lived.
If you’re loosing your center of peace, and fixating on the so-called problem, it feels icky. You’re no longer receiving life as it comes in and flowing with life, you’re identifying with the problem or problem fixing. For instance, I’ve got a heart condition, so now that becomes a new identity. But once we notice that tightening around the problem fixing identity, we can readjust by accepting that this new experience is now part of my new reality.
We’ve got to remember that ultimately we are the greatest authority for our lives — we’ve got our yummy-stat, showing us if we’ve compromised our personal power, and giving it to an authority outside ourselves — it feels icky.
Sure they can offer valuable information and suggestions. It is our responsibility to bring that information to counsel with our inner being that has our best interest —always!
There’s no chance the wrong thing is happening. Pay attention to where you are resisting the actuality of your current situation... relax & let go... Accept what is, because that is the gift this present moment is offering you. You can only live in this moment. Taking predictive action, because an authority said if you don’t do this, then that will happen, needs to be taken with a grain of salt. Does it feel loving and joyful to move in that direction? Or is fear of consequences motivating you?
Being aware of your yummy-stat constantly redirecting you to you inner truth, your true authority is crucial. When you do, you can deal with any situation that occurs — even a heart condition, a broken back or cancer. Nothing is ever happening you can’t deal with with with acceptance and love. If it’s your experience, you have what it takes to deal with it. Period.
Every experience is divine. Being who you are is your only job in this life. Accepting yourself as you are lets you live authentically — you are at home with yourself and you can live from love.
You’re no longer trying to get something from life — you’re serving the moment given you right now and you can love all of it.
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We’re always living with uncertainty. We just think we have control. None of us really know what’s going to happen next. We only have now and we have the ability to be fully present and actively alive and awake to what is happening right now.
Am I resisting and spinning a story of future catastrophe, or am I accepting what’s happening now, with Love and Joy?
Living with cancer constantly brings this point home.
We have a tendency to predict and plan, imagining we can mitigate our personal, fearful possible future scenarios. But they aren’t reality. That’s imagination. The ego’s job is to create problems to solve — to predict catastrophic outcomes.
If you’ve identified yourself as a problem-solver, you’re always making up problems to solve.
All problems are only problems because we’ve rejected reality and we’ve labeled what’s happening as a problem. But that’s just mental gymnastics.
In actuality, you’re fine. Right here and now. You’re dealing. This is life.
There’s always another way of looking at your situation. To think, “perhaps, life is really going my way right now — how might that way be?”
Lar shares about a situation at work where he initially resisted, but then opened his mind to this perspective that YES! This is just what I wanted! Thank you! Everything goes my way!
And I share about some of the mental gymnastics I got up to doing some yummy book launch parties and surrendering to the flow of each present moment.
Each of us is writing our own story and each story is ALL our stories... We are humankind and we are glorious!!!
Once you get away from the ego running things and you really look at what’s important, and what’s the reality of what’s happening. And you’re not trying to make something happen —you’re not trying to meet some criteria. — You’re just experiencing the all-ness of what you get to experience — It’s absolutely YUMMY exactly as it is!
If you can just keep in mind, that there is no chance the wrong thing is happening — none of us know what that will be — you can live in uncertainty with equanimity...
Life is aways confirming that you’re right where you’re supposed to be and it’s easy to see if you’re open to seeing it.
Life is going your way — if you’re not experiencing that, you’re just getting in they way of experiencing it, with your mental gymnastics.
We share the way we work with emotions that arise, say, while watching television, and how we allow emotions to arise, own them, and in taking responsibility, we question our beliefs and decisions... and how we bring choice and transformation into our conversation and lives.
Thanks for joining us for another yummy conversation about living The Yummy Way!
And recognizing when we’re not.. and turning the dial toward accountability so you can live present in the moment you are in. — Being fully in the present moment is death to the ego. Because Love and ego can’t occupy the same space.Love & present Joy, is the yummy way!
It is our joy to share them with you. We’d love to hear from you!
https://theyummyway.com/