The Silent Why: finding hope in grief and loss

Claire Sandys

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Claire Sandys is on a mission to see if it's possible to find hope in 101 different types of loss and grief (occasionally joined by husband Chris). New ad-free episodes every other Tuesday. With childless (not by choice) hosts, this podcast is packed with deep, honest experiences of grief and hope from inspiring guests. You also get: tips on how to navigate and prepare for loss, blogs, experts, exploring how loss is handled on TV, and plenty of Hermans. For more visit: www.thesilentwhy.com.

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Top 10 The Silent Why: finding hope in grief and loss Episodes

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What's your Herman?

The Silent Why: finding hope in grief and loss

10/05/21 • 5 min

You're probably thinking:
What on earth is a Herman?
Why do I care?
What on sweet earth does a Herman have to do with a podcast about loss?
There's actually a chance you might have heard of a Herman, or have known it by a different name, but to be sure, tune into this episode for a mere 5 minutes (ish) and find out what it is and why we (hosts, Chris & Claire Sandys) are asking all our 101 loss guests on the podcast - 'What is your Herman?'
To read the blog version of this episode visit: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/herman

To find out more about the physical Hermans or to buy one, visit: https://www.thehermancompany.com

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thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com
Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter
How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.

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Loss 3/101: Loss of fertility: Chris & Claire Sandys (Part 1)

The Silent Why: finding hope in grief and loss

10/12/21 • 44 min

#003. Part 1. This episode is a bit different, because for 44 wonderful minutes you just hear from us, the hosts.

Chris Sandys: Radio producer, craft beer lover and full-time extrovert.

Claire Sandys: Writer, baker (...not yet a candlestick maker), marzipan lover and full-time introvert.
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around loss and grief and to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss.
Loss #3 of 101: Loss of fertility

In this episode, we share our personal journey over the last 11 years with infertility and childlessness, discussing the choices facing couples like us, why we turned down medical intervention, how we do/don't fit into our wider families, whether we are enough for each other as a two, and what our pivotal 'Line in the Sand' moment looked like.

We also asked some of our friends to anonymously submit questions they’d ask a childless couple if they were feeling brave, and they did not hold back! In fact, the questions were so good we ended up multiplying the episode into two parts.
So check out Part 2 after this for that info: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/4b52504f/loss-of-fertility-chris-and-claire-sandys-part-2.

Can hope be found when you’re grieving the loss of something you never actually had in the first place (namely, children)? Find out.

For more about our Line in the Sand moment, including photos, visit the blog post on our website: thesilentwhy.com/post/alineinthesandys

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Let's Chat... Mortality (with Sue Brayne)

The Silent Why: finding hope in grief and loss

01/25/22 • 29 min

#017. Welcome to some new types of episodes for 2022 - 'Let’s Chat...'

These episodes will pop up each month as I (Claire Sandys, one of the co-hosts of The Silent Why podcast) chat to a guest who has experience or expertise in a particular area that can help us either deal with, or prepare for, loss. We'll be putting these out every now and then instead of our usual 101 loss episodes.
And I'm building a tool kit, well actually, a whole tool shed, of equipment to help you face and get through loss. And I'm very keen to see what each guest adds to my new shed.
I'm kicking off this new series chatting to Sue Brayne about mortality.
Sue Brayne hosts a podcast called Embracing your Mortality where she speaks with guests about why engaging with our mortality matters. She’s a speaker, an author and has been involved with end-of-life research, and years as a therapist working in bereavement and grief, and now she hosts Death Cafes too.
I spoke to her about why facing our mortality and knowing we’re going to die one day is a useful tool when preparing for, or going through, loss. And asked her what actually happens at a Death Cafe?!
For more about Sue visit: https://suebrayne.co.uk/

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Loss 20/101: Loss of veterans to suicide: Shaun Johnson

The Silent Why: finding hope in grief and loss

04/12/22 • 58 min

#027. Sadly, the UK loses about 70 to 80 veterans to suicide every year, over one a week, and in the US the statistics are significantly higher, with multiples lives lost per day. Such an important topic needs talking about, so in this episode we chat to former soldier Shaun 'Johno' Johnson from London.
Loss #20 of 101 - Loss of veterans to suicide.

Shaun is no stranger to loss. When he was just six years old, his mum died while she was giving birth to his sister. Shaun and his siblings were left with a military dad who, himself, struggled to cope with the death of his young wife.
Years later Shaun followed the familiar footsteps into the military but was discharged with a crush injury 12 years into his intended 22-year career. Another loss. Sadly, Shaun was ill-prepared for his sudden return to Civvy Street, spiralling down and down until a failed attempt to end his own life,. This is sadly not a unique story for military veterans.

However, after a further loss - this time of his dad - and then falling in love with his wife, Shaun chose to regain control of his life, deciding it was worth fighting for. Since then he has dedicated loads of energy to family life, art, music and supporting veterans as they leave the military. He now works for The Poppy Factory and, having lost three ex-military friends in 18 months to suicide, is passionate about raising awareness of the suicide rates among veterans.
To find out more about Shaun visit:
https://twitter.com/Shaun5195
https://twitter.com/OnParadeUK
https://www.youtube.com/OnParadeUK
https://www.shaunjohnson.org

If you need someone to talk to, the Samaritans are always available by phoning 116 123 or by texting ‘SHOUT’ to 85258.
And the National Suicide Prevention Helpline is available on: 0800 689 5652 (UK) or 1-800-273-8255 (US).

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Introducing The Silent Why...

The Silent Why: finding hope in grief and loss

09/25/21 • 2 min

Can hope be found in every type of loss?

Join us, Chris & Claire Sandys, a childless (not by choice) couple, using our experience of loss to explore where, and when, hope emerges and joy returns in every journey of grief.

This is a mission to find 101 different types of loss, and you can expect: first hand experiences with grief, inspiring guests, honest conversation, tears, laughter and plenty of Hermans (confused? see Herman link below).

Visit the website for official 101 losses list to see where we're up to, weekly blog posts, more about us, how to support the show and other episodes: thesilentwhy.com

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Loss 3/101: Loss of fertility: Chris & Claire Sandys (Part 2)

The Silent Why: finding hope in grief and loss

10/19/21 • 45 min

#003. Part 2. This second part of Episode 003 is us again (the hosts, Chris & Claire Sandys) as we continue to share our story of being a childless couple.
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around loss and grief and to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss.
Loss #3 of 101 continued: Loss of fertility

In Part 1, we spoke about our personal story with infertility over the last 11 years and turning down medical intervention, before drawing a line in the sand. You'll want to check that out before this episode probably: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/492a29c1/loss-of-fertility-chris-and-claire-sandys-part-1
In Part 2, we answer questions anonymously submitted by friends. Questions they’d like to ask a couple without children, or things they’re curious about.
Such as:
How do you feel when people close to you continue to have babies?
How do you find ways to fill the gaps left by childlessness?
How do you deal with the insensitive questions, graciously?
In what practical ways can friends and family best support you?
For more about our journey, including photos of our Line in the Sand moment, visit the blog post on our website: thesilentwhy.com/post/alineinthesandys

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Let's Chat... End of Life and Grief Coaching (with Lis Whybrow)

The Silent Why: finding hope in grief and loss

07/05/22 • 38 min

#039. What is End of Life and Grief Coaching, when can it be useful to us, and is it only for people facing bereavements?
Welcome to Let’s Chat... These episodes pop-up every now and then instead of one of our 101 different types of loss, as I (Claire Sandys, one of the co-hosts of The Silent Why podcast) chat to a guest who has experience or expertise in a particular area that can help us either deal with, or prepare for, loss.

In this Let’s Chat episode I chat to Lis Whybrow about End of Life and Grief Coaching.

Lis lives in our neighbouring county in Worcestershire (like the sauce!) and was a solicitor for over 30 years, dealing with all legal aspects of death and dying, before moving into a new career of life coaching, specialising in end of life and grief.
In this conversation we talk about the difference between coaching and counselling, fear of death, how coaching can help when facing death or loss (either for yourself or friends and family), what is a death doula, what does a coaching session look like, and lots more.
And I'm building a toolkit through these chats, well actually a whole tool shed, of equipment to help you face and process loss, so listen in to see what latest addition Lis wants to add my tool shed.

To find out more about Lis visit her on:
https://liswhybrowcoaching.com/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lis-whybrow-1483771b6/

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Let's Chat... Environmental and Ecological Grief (with Dr Kriss Kevorkian)

The Silent Why: finding hope in grief and loss

07/26/22 • 37 min

#042. Did you know you can feel 'environmental or ecological grief'? Find out more in this episode about what it is and who is feeling it.
Welcome to Let’s Chat... These episodes pop-up occasionally instead of one of our 101 different losses, as I (Claire Sandys, one of the co-hosts of The Silent Why podcast) chat to a guest who has experience or expertise in a particular area that can help us deal with, or prepare for, loss.

In this Let’s Chat... we hear from Dr Kriss Kevorkian about Environmental and Ecological Grief.
And I'm building a toolkit, well actually a whole tool shed, of equipment to help us face loss. So I'm very keen to see what each guest adds to my new shed.

Kriss lives in beautiful Gig Harbour, Washington, and holds a doctoral degree in Thanatology and a Masters in Social Work, but she also specialises in Eco/Climate Thanatology.

Kriss is an expert in grief, death and dying and has worked hard to become a leading authority on environmental and ecological grief. She is no stranger to loss and grief in her personal life, and since seeing them on a seventh grade field trip, has a great passion for whales which has led her to study and research the decline of the Southern Resident Orcas in the Salish Sea.
We chat grief, nature, whales, how we can all do our bit, why it’s important and lots more.
For those who haven't heard of the Salish Sea, it's an inland sea of the Pacific Ocean located in British Columbia, Canada. It's 440 kilometres (270 miles) long, contains more than 400 islands, has a very active marine ecosystem, diverse community of kelp species, glass sponge reefs, 253 fish species and 172 bird species.

To find out more about Kriss visit: https://drkkevorkian.com

Or for the other organisations she mentioned:
Rights to Nature: https://legalrightsforthesalishsea.org
Earth law centre: https://www.earthlawcenter.org/
The Global alliance for the rights of nature: https://www.garn.org/
Movement rights: https://www.movementrights.org/

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Loss 52/101: Loss of life for a cardiac surgeon: Mark Field

The Silent Why: finding hope in grief and loss

05/14/24 • 65 min

#104. What's it like to handle a human heart? Or to operate in that small space between life and death? And is there grief for a surgeon when a patient dies during, or after, surgery?
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss.
Loss #52 of 101: Loss of a life for a heart surgeon
Meet Mark Field, a cardiac surgeon from Liverpool (in the north of England) who joined me (Claire), in-between commitments at work, to talk about life, death and loss in heart surgery.
Now, this isn't a subject that's discussed much with surgeons, and you'll hear Mark say that even he had reservations talking about it, but it's such an important area to highlight. Just because you work in a career that encounters death, doesn't that mean you find it any easier to face than people in other jobs. And, like many other careers we've covered on the podcast, it's once again surprising how little training is provided to medical professionals when it comes to delivering the news of a patient’s death. Especially when people's responses to bad news are so varied.
I was introduced to Mark through the Aortic Dissection Charitable Trust, and knew this was a man I wanted to speak to when he sent me the best excuse for being late to a Zoom call ever. I received an email just after the start time had passed that simply said: “Sorry Claire. 5 minutes! Trying to prevent death!!”
In this conversation you'll hear about how hard it is when major operations don't end with a healthy recovery, how surgeons control (or don’t control) human emotions, the privilege of working with such a valuable organ, and why hope plays such an important role in Mark's job.
And because trying to co-ordinate the diaries of a journalist and a heart surgeon got really tricky, Chris wasn't able to join me in this episode, so I was flying solo for the first time in 53 losses.
If you want to hear how other careers handle dealing with death, visit www.thesilentwhy.com/letschat and scroll down to 'Jobs working with loss, grief and death' for a full list.

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Let's Chat... PTSD (with Dr Colleen Crary)

The Silent Why: finding hope in grief and loss

03/01/22 • 37 min

#022. What do we lose when we suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)? How can we be more sympathetic to it? Is it only war veterans that suffer from it? And what are the symptoms?
Welcome to Let’s Chat... Episodes that pop up each month as I (Claire Sandys, one of the co-hosts of The Silent Why podcast) chat to a guest who has experience or expertise in a particular area that can help us either deal with, or prepare for, loss.

And I'm building a tool kit, well - actually - a whole tool shed, of equipment to help you face and get through loss. And I'm very keen to see what each guest adds to my new shed.

For my second Let’s Chat... I spoke to Dr Colleen Crary about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, known as PTSD.

Colleen was diagnosed with a complicated type of PTSD called C-PTSD at the age of 40, and became so fascinated by the condition it became her passion. She now has a Master's Degree in Victimology and achieved a Doctorate in Psychology specialising in PTSD. Her journey is a fascinating insight into this mental condition and having been through over 40 therapists to find the right help, studied Criminology, and partied with homicide detectives, she has a very unique insight on a condition where people experience a permanent alteration, and loss, of self.

However, she also told me there are ways for people to emerge from trauma with more resilience than they had before, and some people have even described it as a positive, life-changing event that brought a greater sense of depth and beauty to their lives.

Colleen shares valuable insights about what PTSD is, how it’s not just something military veterans suffer with, how you can recognise it, why it occurs and what you can do about it.

For more about Colleen: https://www.linkedin.com/in/colleen-m-crary-ph-d-7582a9118/
For more information and symptoms of PTSD:
https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/ptsd/what-is-ptsd
https://www.apa.org/ptsd-guideline

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FAQ

How many episodes does The Silent Why: finding hope in grief and loss have?

The Silent Why: finding hope in grief and loss currently has 208 episodes available.

What topics does The Silent Why: finding hope in grief and loss cover?

The podcast is about Survivor, Health & Fitness, Society & Culture, Grief, Personal Journals, Mental Health, Joy, Help, Podcasts, Lost, Loss and Hope.

What is the most popular episode on The Silent Why: finding hope in grief and loss?

The episode title 'Loss 20/101: Loss of veterans to suicide: Shaun Johnson' is the most popular.

What is the average episode length on The Silent Why: finding hope in grief and loss?

The average episode length on The Silent Why: finding hope in grief and loss is 30 minutes.

How often are episodes of The Silent Why: finding hope in grief and loss released?

Episodes of The Silent Why: finding hope in grief and loss are typically released every 4 days.

When was the first episode of The Silent Why: finding hope in grief and loss?

The first episode of The Silent Why: finding hope in grief and loss was released on Sep 25, 2021.

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Claire Sandys

@thesilentwhy

Jul 6