Dear Men: How to Rock Sex, Dating, and Relationships With Women

"Porn was the #1 relationship I had in terms of intimacy."

So says Jason on his experience of sex, love, and closeness in his 20s. (Fortunately, after engaging in personal growth, including men's work, he's now married to a radiant goddess!)

If you've ever struggled with your relationship to porn -- and if that has also impacted your relationship to sex and sexuality, you're far from alone. Countless clients of ours start out with a challenging dynamic with porn, and here's the truth: Porn use isn't really about porn. Weed use isn't really about weed, either.

When it comes to using weed, porn & masturbation, and other substances like alcohol, as Luke puts it, "It’s almost always covering up deeper material that men do not know how to handle."

The good news? There are lots of ways to handle that material, safe spaces within which to process it, and a TON of energy, vitality, and joy on the other side.

Remember: Personal growth works, so work it.

---

Work with us

Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

---

Memorable quotes from this episode:

• “When I watch porn, I have the freedom to experience pleasure and the freedom to not experience rejection.”
• “Gimme the weed again because I don’t want to feel the Shame Guy!”
• “We all do things to avoid feeling the thing that we don’t want to feel.”
• “Emotion starts as sensation in the body.”
• “Most of what ails you can be significantly soothed by connection.”

Want to generate sexual heat, and also inspire safety and a sense of belonging in your partner? Learn how to claim her!

We've talked about claiming before on the podcast, especially with respect to building polarity. When a man is on the more passive side, it can feel lackluster and also confusing. As one woman put it, "Do you even want me?" This throws off polarity.

When he knows how to take inspired action and lead by claiming us, we want to see him more! We feel the polarity. And because of that we feel more relaxed, uplifted, and yes, you guessed it: turned on!

Here we delve more into what it means to us to feel claimed in sex, dating, and relationships -- and why we adore it.

Work with us

Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good. If you're looking for high-quality relationship advice, we've got it.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

---

Memorable quotes from the episode:

• "Claiming is NOT controlling."
• "I felt like ‘no’ was not an acceptable answer."
• "You get the Friday 4pm text: ‘What are you up to tonight?’"
• “He came towards me with a smile.”
• “That was really great. I would love to take you to dinner sometime next week. When are you free?”
• “I want you next to me. I don’t want to sleep alone tonight.”
• “This is in service of our relationship and our love and our connection.”
• “You don’t have to carry the burden for every asshole.”
• “The experiences you want to have with women are just a claim away!”

Have you ever just felt STUCK? Stuck in your dating life, stuck in your marriage, stuck in your sex life (or stuck in your sex life within your marriage)? As one man on our panel put it, "I felt stuck for most of the 20 years of my marriage."

Maybe you've felt trapped -- like you just couldn't work your way out of wherever you were.

Here, four men get real about their journey going from totally stuck to in flow.

Work with us

Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good. If you're looking for high-quality relationship advice, we've got it.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

---

Memorable quotes from this episode:

• "Women are starving for men who are doing the work."
• "I felt broken; I felt unworthy; I felt unacceptable; I felt unwanted."
• "Sex felt unrealistic and out of reach, and it also felt off-limits."
• "I lived in the regret of the past and the fear of the future (and I was never present)."
• "I felt like I wasn’t desired — I wasn’t wanted."
• "I got to the point where I just felt like I’d plateaued in therapy; it felt like we weren’t getting anywhere."
• "'Am I acting OK? Am I making them feel OK?'"
• "I had to WANT to get un-stuck."
• "I had to decide: Do you want to stay here? Or do you want to do something different?"
• "I didn’t allow myself any space of, 'What do I want?'"
• "I had a huge block with paying money for personal growth; I’d pay money for my hobbies, etc., but not that."
• "It’s unrealistic that I would know everything; having that humility and curiosity to reach out was critical."
• "I did the fuckin’ work, and I was ready to do it, and I threw down."
• "The problem wasn’t that I was unattractive; the problem was that I wasn’t embodied (and didn’t have my head up!)."
• "This is happening to me for a reason. It’s happening because I can handle it, so let’s embrace it."
• "My confidence and my ability to do life differently grew in all kinds of magical, nourishing, evolved ways."
• "Now I feel unchained — I feel liberated from the slavery of stuckness."
• "Trusting the intelligence of my body, and then moving forward from that is transformational in every aspect of life."
• "This is not where my story ends."
• "Some of your best friends are yet to be made."

---

Mentioned on this episode:

• Episode 305: GuyTalk: Overcoming religious programming

Want to be even sexier to women than you are now? ;) Learn to strike while the iron is hot!

Seriously though -- striking while the iron is hot makes you a man who can generate polarity, build trust, and have women want to surrender to you. Knowing how and when to take action is very sexy ... and passivity, not so much. And all of these principles apply whether you're in a dating relationship or you've been married for decades.

Here we go through examples of men who've done this well in dating, relationships, and yes, definitely in sex! And we talk about times that we as women have felt confused, rejected, or both -- as well as times we felt lit up, radiant, desired, and HOT for the men in our lives!

---

Work with us

Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good. If you're looking for high-quality relationship advice, we've got it.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

---

Memorable quotes from this episode:

• “Sure, I’m not happy, but at least I know my non-happiness.”
• “Relationships are a skill.”
• “I always felt his desire for me and I always knew where I stood and how he felt”
• "Panty Droppers: 'I’m on it,' 'I’ve got it,' 'I’ll take care of it now.'"
• “My inner turmoil is more important than your needs.”
• “I was saying, ‘I need more sex or this relationship won’t be successful.’”
• “He wasn’t willing to do the hard work — the work to really look at his trauma."
• "It’s deeply masculine to seek the right counsel.”

---

Mentioned on this episode:

• DM episode 332: Have you ever gone into freeze? Here's what's actually going on

Ever pushed someone away in a relationship without even realizing it -- or known you were doing it but couldn't stop? Ever felt needy or anxious in dating to an outsized degree (i.e you're more anxious than most when it comes to sex, going on dates, or connecting with a dating partner)? When you're seeking to improve your romantic relationship, or just improve your relationship to dating and sex, you need to know about behind-the-scenes emotional "stuff" that could be in your way -- including childhood neglect. As sex and relationship coaches, many of our clients experience the patterns we talk about here, and if you identify with this, this is an episode you don't want to miss.

Article mentioned in this episode: https://www.lovemyanxiousbrain.com/childhood-emotional-neglect-romantic-relationships/