350: Weed, Porn, and Masturbation: The Trifecta! (ft. Jason Lange & Luke Adler)
02/28/25 • 63 min
1 Listener
"Porn was the #1 relationship I had in terms of intimacy."
So says Jason on his experience of sex, love, and closeness in his 20s. (Fortunately, after engaging in personal growth, including men's work, he's now married to a radiant goddess!)
If you've ever struggled with your relationship to porn -- and if that has also impacted your relationship to sex and sexuality, you're far from alone. Countless clients of ours start out with a challenging dynamic with porn, and here's the truth: Porn use isn't really about porn. Weed use isn't really about weed, either.
When it comes to using weed, porn & masturbation, and other substances like alcohol, as Luke puts it, "It’s almost always covering up deeper material that men do not know how to handle."
The good news? There are lots of ways to handle that material, safe spaces within which to process it, and a TON of energy, vitality, and joy on the other side.
Remember: Personal growth works, so work it.
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Work with us
Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.
To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)
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Memorable quotes from this episode:
- “When I watch porn, I have the freedom to experience pleasure and the freedom to not experience rejection.”
- “Gimme the weed again because I don’t want to feel the Shame Guy!”
- “We all do things to avoid feeling the thing that we don’t want to feel.”
- “Emotion starts as sensation in the body.”
- “Most of what ails you can be significantly soothed by connection.”
"Porn was the #1 relationship I had in terms of intimacy."
So says Jason on his experience of sex, love, and closeness in his 20s. (Fortunately, after engaging in personal growth, including men's work, he's now married to a radiant goddess!)
If you've ever struggled with your relationship to porn -- and if that has also impacted your relationship to sex and sexuality, you're far from alone. Countless clients of ours start out with a challenging dynamic with porn, and here's the truth: Porn use isn't really about porn. Weed use isn't really about weed, either.
When it comes to using weed, porn & masturbation, and other substances like alcohol, as Luke puts it, "It’s almost always covering up deeper material that men do not know how to handle."
The good news? There are lots of ways to handle that material, safe spaces within which to process it, and a TON of energy, vitality, and joy on the other side.
Remember: Personal growth works, so work it.
---
Work with us
Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.
To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)
---
Memorable quotes from this episode:
- “When I watch porn, I have the freedom to experience pleasure and the freedom to not experience rejection.”
- “Gimme the weed again because I don’t want to feel the Shame Guy!”
- “We all do things to avoid feeling the thing that we don’t want to feel.”
- “Emotion starts as sensation in the body.”
- “Most of what ails you can be significantly soothed by connection.”
Previous Episode
349: Interested in plant medicine but don’t want to do “drugs”? Try this. (ft. Luke Adler)
Most of us, on our growth journeys, become aware that we need to heal from some kind of trauma. We also often discover that we need more than talk therapy.
Altered states have been used since time immemorial to help us on our healing paths, and can be particularly helpful in trauma healing. And while plant medicine (ayahuasca, psilocybin (magic mushrooms), MDMA, psychedelics like wachuma/peyote) can be a strong ally, it also has certain drawbacks and limitations.
Fortunately there's another way to get into altered states that requires no substances: Breathwork.
Here we outline the differences between plant medicine and breathwork. We also discuss how breathwork can help folks heal from attachment wounding (anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, or disorganized attachment, which is a mix of both).
And we talk about the bodymind's inherent knowledge of how to heal. Breathwork can help us unlock our own deeper wisdom.
---
Work with us
Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.
To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)
---
Memorable quotes from this episode:
- "The next stage of evolution is self-inquiry."
- "Consciousness expands in such a way that says, ‘I need help.'"
- "I have this deep desire to expand."
- "Beneath that knot of unworthiness is ultimate consciousness."
- "The core intention is to open the heart, and to heal."
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Mentioned on this episode:
- Book: Conscious Breathing: How Shamanic Breathwork Can Transform Your Life by Joy Manné
- Breathwork Breakthrough (advanced course led by me and Luke, starting mid-March. Email [email protected] for more info)
Next Episode
351: Men love to be nurtured, too (pt. 2) (ft. Scott Kaltenbaugh)
Ever feel like you need to be tough in order to be seen as "masculine" enough? Ever feel like you wish you could just let your guard down and be taken care of?
The truth is, it is a deep human need to be nurtured in relationship. It's neither masculine nor feminine, and we need to expand our awareness of and perception of love, relationship, and what it means to be taken care of, whether we're dating or in a committed long-term relationship.
Men need to feel safe, desired, and received just as much as women do. The shape that takes might differ, but the underlying need remains the same.
Here we delve into the wonderful world of feeling nurtured. I share personal stories from men in our community of moments when they've felt deeply nurtured by their women partners, as well as what nurturing means to them.
In love and even in sex, some of the most memorable moments are not those in which we feel red-hot desire, but when we feel the sweetness of connection.
This is part two of a two-part series on nurturing. For those who want to listen to both, the first is episode 343.
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Work with us
Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good. If you're looking for high-quality relationship advice, we've go tit.
To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)
---
Memorable quotes from this episode:
- "I feel nurtured when I am told I am fully seen, trusted, and loved for all that I am as I am."
- "The bravery to feel worthy."
- "We relate to men through roughness, and women through sex."
- "You can’t meet me where I’m at if you don’t see me."
- "The patriarchy says: 'I’ve got to do it by myself and without complaining and tough it out no matter what.'"
- "We have to take the mask off for somebody."
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