Dear Men: How to Rock Sex, Dating, and Relationships With Women - 223: Sexological bodywork, somatic sex education, and overcoming trauma (ft. Chris Muse & Alyssa Morin)

223: Sexological bodywork, somatic sex education, and overcoming trauma (ft. Chris Muse & Alyssa Morin)

09/23/22 • 62 min

Dear Men: How to Rock Sex, Dating, and Relationships With Women

Ever wished sex were easier? As in, that you could feel totally comfortable in your body, fearless in your sexuality, easily ask for what you want, and facilitate hot sexy experiences with women you feel attracted to?

Maybe you contend with premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, or porn addiction. Maybe you're ashamed of how much you want sex or don't even go after women you really want because you're unsure you'll be able to perform sexually. Maybe you're with a partner but feel like you two could have a way better sex life.

If any of this feels familiar, questions can come up like, "Why am I this way?" And, "How do I grow beyond this?"

A lot of the men we work with are survivors of developmental trauma, aka little-T trauma. Big-T trauma tends to be more "obvious" (domestic violence, sexual abuse, war, etc.). But little-T trauma (developmental trauma) can have equally as big an impact on your nervous system and mind.

And it affects not only how you feel about yourself, but how you operate sexually. One thing that can help these kinds of patterns dramatically is sexological bodywork — a modality that specifically helps with sexuality and overcoming trauma. Here we outline what sexological bodywork is and isn't, as well as somatic sex education.

Yep, we're talking about how to overcome erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, or delayed ejaculation. We're talking about how to stop feeling ashamed of wanting sex, or of feeling like a bad man for even thinking about it. Want to overcome childhood trauma and thrive sexually? Listen on, my friends.

Sites mentioned in this episode:

Chris Muse's site: www.chris-muse.com
Alyssa Morin's site: www.alyssamorin.org
The Verdant Collective: www.theverdantcollective.com (for those who identify as women)
Directory: https://sexologicalbodyworkers.org/

If any of this feels familiar, questions can come up like, "Why am I this way?" And, "How do I grow beyond this?"

Sites mentioned in this episode:

Chris Muse's site: www.chris-muse.com
Alyssa Morin's site: www.alyssamorin.org
The Verdant Collective: www.theverdantcollective.com (for those who identify as women)
Directory: https://sexologicalbodyworkers.org/

Previous Episode

222: Are you using your woman for sex? (ft. Jason Lange)

Do you want more sex with your wife (or partner)? Ever wanted to have sex in order to feel better? Do you get really pent-up when you haven't had sex with your woman in a while?

Men these days are overwhelmingly lonely. Over the past 30 years there has been a drastic drop in rates of friendships for both women and men, but the trend is far more pronounced for men. One study showed that nearly one in three men said they couldn't name a best friend, and a full 18% said they had no close friends at all.

What does this have to do with sex? Well, there aren't a lot of places where modern men get to feel closeness, warmth, and emotional safety. For many, sex with their woman is one of the only places where they can. But this comes at a cost. A lot of men don't realize they're using their woman for sex -- that there's a way they actually need sex with her to feel OK. They aren't conscious of how they're using her for sex.

Intrigued? Take a listen. We talk about this trend we've seen in clients, as well as what to do to address it.

Next Episode

224: What does it mean to have honest sex? (ft. Shana James)

What does it mean to actually be honest when it comes to sex?

A lot of couples never really talk about their sex life in depth. Sure, maybe one person in the relationship says they'd like to be having more sex. But that's different from having real, raw conversations about what's working, what each person wants more or less of, and what their deep-down turn-ons actually are.

Why? Because it's scary to have these kinds of talks! Whether you're new to dating or you're in a long-term, committed relationship (or even married), it's hard to be open about sexual intimacy. And at the same time, not having honest sex comes at a cost. When you're not real with your partner about sex, you're cutting off a part of yourself. Then you tend to feel more distant. More separate.

So how do you overcome this? How do you talk about sex with your partner in a way that's inviting instead of intimidating? Who brings it up and how? What if you wanna explore BDSM? Here we talk about all that — what it means to be truly honest, and how to elicit your partner’s truth and desires and share your own.

Mentioned on this episode:

Shana's site: https://shanajamescoaching.com/