When Court Ordered Coparenting Is Not In Anyone's Best Interests

03/24/23 • 9 min

Court-ordered coparenting is pretty much doomed to fail when one of the parents is highly narcissistic. When the courts take a one-size-fits-all approach to coparenting expectations and standards, they end up creating a sure-to-fail situation where everyone involved loses. That is, everyone except those who directly profit from the increased conflict, legal expenses, and court-ordered therapy work that is generated by trying to force those who are incapable of collaborative parenting into an idealistic coparenting model.

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Why The Court Treats The Abuser Like The Victim And The Victim Like The Abuser

Hypothesis: the heart of so many of the family court’s judgment errors boils down to the emotional illiteracy of the lawyers, judges, therapists, and other paraprofessionals attached to the system.

The family court system is not trauma informed. The judges are not therapists and spend the least amount of time learning about the case out of all the players. The therapists attached to the system are often opportunists to make matters worse for their own gain. Facilitators and evaluators make their money off of conflict and refer to their therapist buddies. Lawyers profit off of conflict and more conflict.

The court system is often completely emotionally illiterate when it comes to anger. Anxiety, grief, ptsd, concern, passion, forwardness, and fear are misinterpreted as anger and used again the person feeling these legitimate emotions.

Meanwhile the actual abusive party is pretending to be innocent and cooperative...while accusing the other party (often their past and/or present abuse victim) of having anger issues.

The result? Terrible judgments by the court that treat the abuser as the victim and the victim as the abuser.

Unapologetic Parenting - When Court Ordered Coparenting Is Not In Anyone's Best Interests

Transcript

Welcome to unapologetic parenting. The podcast dedicated to candidly and unapologetically discussing high conflict, co parenting blended families in the family court system. We take on the topics most people don't want to talk about, and offer solutions and support to help you be a better parent, better spouse and your blended family and happier human being. Now, without apologetic parenting, in this episode, we were talking about how when the family courts force parents to co parent on the co