Narcissistic Exes Often Accuse Others Of The Very Things They Are Guilty Of

Extreme accusations that come in the absence of authentic evidence are often self-accusatory projections. For example, when an ex makes accusations of “abuse” in the absence of actual evidence of abuse, then the accusation often indicates that the accuser is “splitting.” The accuser has split the other person into all-bad and is viewing his or her behavior through that distorted lens.
Or for another example, if the ex accuses you of being a narcissist without any real evidence to support the extreme label, then that too often indicates splitting and is often a self-accusation.
Narcissistic exes are very fond of accusing others of the very things they are culpable of. Narcissistic exes often accuse the other parent of alienation when they themselves are engaged in alienation attempts. They fabricate evidence and mistreat the children to cause estrangement to support their accusations of alienation.
When the accusations come, step back and assess. Does the ex accuse others of being narcissists (i.e. their dad is a narc, your new spouse’s dad is a narc, you are a narc, and several other of their family members are narcs)? To them, are narcs hiding behind every tree? Are they obsessed with trendy-trendy narcissist advice as part of their quest for “proof” that you are a narc? Do they tell others in the family and community that you are a narc and then make up stories about you?
If your ex seems to be splitting and lying when accusing you, and especially if there is a larger pattern of them doing similar things to others in their lives, then they are most likely projecting their own narcissistic traits onto you. Projection is one of the main mental defenses narcissists use to reject their own feelings of self-inadequacy.
When you see this splitting and projection game in action, it should be a clear sign to disengage. For the purposes of setting boundaries, that should be all the reason and evidence you need. Chances are, you already know that the ex is in capable of taking accountability for their actions or genuinely apologizing to those they have wronged. If you do not already have firm boundaries in place to limit communication with the ex, it is time.