The Silent Why: finding hope in grief and loss - Loss 52/101: Loss of life for a cardiac surgeon: Mark Field

Loss 52/101: Loss of life for a cardiac surgeon: Mark Field

05/14/24 • 65 min

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The Silent Why: finding hope in grief and loss

#104. What's it like to handle a human heart? Or to operate in that small space between life and death? And is there grief for a surgeon when a patient dies during, or after, surgery?
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss.
Loss #52 of 101: Loss of a life for a heart surgeon
Meet Mark Field, a cardiac surgeon from Liverpool (in the north of England) who joined me (Claire), in-between commitments at work, to talk about life, death and loss in heart surgery.
Now, this isn't a subject that's discussed much with surgeons, and you'll hear Mark say that even he had reservations talking about it, but it's such an important area to highlight. Just because you work in a career that encounters death, doesn't that mean you find it any easier to face than people in other jobs. And, like many other careers we've covered on the podcast, it's once again surprising how little training is provided to medical professionals when it comes to delivering the news of a patient’s death. Especially when people's responses to bad news are so varied.
I was introduced to Mark through the Aortic Dissection Charitable Trust, and knew this was a man I wanted to speak to when he sent me the best excuse for being late to a Zoom call ever. I received an email just after the start time had passed that simply said: “Sorry Claire. 5 minutes! Trying to prevent death!!”
In this conversation you'll hear about how hard it is when major operations don't end with a healthy recovery, how surgeons control (or don’t control) human emotions, the privilege of working with such a valuable organ, and why hope plays such an important role in Mark's job.
And because trying to co-ordinate the diaries of a journalist and a heart surgeon got really tricky, Chris wasn't able to join me in this episode, so I was flying solo for the first time in 53 losses.
If you want to hear how other careers handle dealing with death, visit www.thesilentwhy.com/letschat and scroll down to 'Jobs working with loss, grief and death' for a full list.

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Previous Episode

Loss 51/101: Loss of a dad ('that I don't know if I loved'): Thea Rickard

#103. When a close family member dies, like a parent, it's easy to assume there was love there, but what if you're not sure if you loved that person, or even if they loved you, what does grief look like then?
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss.
Loss #51 of 101: Loss of a dad ('that I don't know if I loved')
And yes, this means that as we've reached Loss 51 - we're officially over halfway through our 101 loss list! Exciting! Check out all previous episodes online at www.thesilentwhy.com/101losses or see our last episode where we reflected on the previous ten stories of loss and grief. But there are also many more to go, so back to today's guest...
In this episode you'll meet Thea Rickard, from Bristol in England. Thea's in her twenties and lost her dad, Jonathan Rickard, when he was in his sixties in 2018. About a year ago she produced a short audio documentary called Our Dad (link below) which Chris listened to and then shared with me, because something she said caught his attention: 'Grieving for somebody, or the idea of somebody, who you’re not sure if you loved, is the hardest thing I’ve ever encountered.' Keen to explore what it's like to grieve someone you don't know if you loved, especially a parent, we invited her to talk about it with us on the podcast.
As Thea has reflected on her dad’s life, his relationship with alcohol, his dream to be an actor, the terrifying and the tender moments she's seen in him, she's had to explore what it's like to grieve for a man she wasn't sure if she loved, or even if he loved her. Like she said in her documentary: ‘It would be easier if he was “the villain” of the piece, but he’s not the antagonist in a story, he’s a human being.’
There is so much wisdom and empathy in this chat, well beyond Thea's years, so we know you’re going to appreciate this very honest conversation.

To listen to Thea's 15 minute audio project, 'Our Dad', where she talks about her father with her siblings, visit: https://soundcloud.com/thearickard/ourdad

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Next Episode

Loss 53/101: Loss of hair through alopecia: Laura Burns

#105. What's it like to suddenly start losing your hair at the age of 22? How open should you be about it when start dating?
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss.
Loss #53 of 101: Loss of hair through alopecia
Meet Laura Burns, a social worker for an anti modern-slavery charity, but also a friend of ours who lives in The Black Country. Laura married our friend Jonathon in 2022, and we had the privilege of being at their wedding.
This is only our second in-person interview, after nearly 200 podcast episodes! So it was very exciting to chat face-to-face with Laura in our podcast studio.
Alopecia first appeared in Laura’s life in 2011 when she was 22 years old. Alopecia areata is a disease that happens when the immune system attacks hair follicles and causes hair loss, and Laura explains the different types and which ones have affected her over the years.
Both Laura and Jonathon have had more than their fair share of health conditions. Jonathon was born with renal failure and later had a kidney transplant, and Laura has had brain surgery more than once. But it was only recently Laura told us she has alopecia, so we asked if she'd come and tell us about her experience, and she agreed. This was the first time we were hearing her story, so it was a real honour to record it for the podcast to share with you.
Laura talks about what kind of loss alopecia is, the journey to finding the right wig (pop over to our social media to see how gorgeous that is!), how she found the right man 😉, and how it's not always been easy to know what to share with others and when.

She also shares some of the more humorous moments, e.g. when her now-husband Jonathon first saw her without her wig - well worth tuning in for.
This is a very honest conversation about a very visual and complicated loss, especially because identity can be so closely connected to our hair. Laura shows us how hope can find a way in and how important gratitude has been to her.
For more information and support with alopecia: https://www.alopecia.org.uk/
PLUS: Tune in next week for a bonus material episode, because after this interview we recorded a chat with her lovely husband, Jonathon Burns.

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The Silent Why: finding hope in grief and loss - Loss 52/101: Loss of life for a cardiac surgeon: Mark Field

Transcript

Mark Field00:00:02.399

Hi, my name is Mark Field. I'm a cardiac surgeon, and I'm here to talk about loss in heart surgery.

Unknown00:00:10.710

Welcome to The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to find out if hope can exist in 101 different types of loss, and to hear from those who have experienced them. I'm Claire.

Chris00:00:20.219

And I'm Chris. And in this episode, well, I'm pretty silent.