The Codependummy Podcast

-What is chronic pain and how does it relate to codependency?

-How might codependents sabotage their health?

-What are the initial steps we can take to practice self-care and prevent conditions like chronic pain?

Welcome to Episode 129! This week, I had the pleasure of interviewing Dr. Andrea Furlan, MD, PhD, on the connection between codependency and chronic pain. In the episode, Dr. Furlan educates us on what chronic pain is and how codependency a) contributes to the development of chronic pain and b) ways that codependents may sabotage their healing from chronic pain since we can’t practice self-care. You’ll hear ways Dr. Furlan has navigated codependency in her own life, including with her chronic pain patients. We explore Dr. Furlan’s eight steps to curing chronic pain and discuss ways you can begin to implement them in your life asap! It’s a must-listen!

Links for the show:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497

Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge

Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC

Work with me! Email [email protected] to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!

More on this week’s guest:

Dr. Andrea Furlan, MD, PhD, is an Associate Professor in the Department of Medicine at the University of Toronto and a Staff Physician and Senior Scientist at the Toronto Rehabilitation Institute. Her YouTube page has more than 487,000 subscribers and more than 42 million views. She received a CIHR New Investigator Award, and her research focus is on treatments of chronic pain including medications, complementary and alternative therapies, and rehabilitation.

https://www.iwh.on.ca/people/andrea-furlan

https://youtu.be/hxP5XKcNGmI

https://www.instagram.com/dr.andrea.furlan/

Deets on the episode:

We begin by hearing Dr. Furlan’s definition of codependency: in a relationship between two people, one person puts the interests of another above their own to help them succeed. Dr. Furlan describes ways that she learned about codependency in addiction medicine and started to see it in her patients who would refuse to take care of themselves.

Dr. Furlan opens up about codependency in her own life where, as a mother, she has had to find the balance between doing the right thing for her and her children related to caretaking. She reveals how she and her colleagues often combat codependency with their patients. “We work harder than our patients.” She details empathy research on doctors who prioritize the needs of their patients over their own which contributes to burnout. Can you relate?

We shift focus to Dr. Furlan’s expertise: chronic pain. We learn what the definition of chronic pain is, the difference between acute pain versus chronic pain, and how it relates to the alarm system in a house. Thing is, with chronic pain, the physical “alarm system” is broken.

Dr. Furlan and I discuss the ways she has seen her patients become codependent with their chronic pain where they form an identity as a “chronic pain patient.” We also hear her struggles with codependent patients who have difficulty practicing self-care and sabotage their chronic pain recovery.

What’s a codependent trying to heal from chronic pain to do? Dr. Furlan suggests these eight steps which she details in her book:

1. Accept you have chronic pain
2. Control your emotions
3. Sleep
4. Nutrition
5. Communication
6. Medication
7. Exercise
8. Goals in life

Dr. Furlan leaves us with reminders to practice self-love, compassion, and to create healthy community.

Thanks for coming on Dr. Furlan! And thank you for listening, my dear listener!

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-The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge

-What is ‘broken wing syndrome’ and how does it relate to codependency?

-If codependents take the role of “victim” or “rescuer” in their relationship, what happens if they attempt to change that dynamic?

-What is “shadow work” and how can that help someone stuck in a broken wing syndrome dynamic?

In this week’s episode, Marissa is joined by Leah Sefor, South Africa’s go-to life and relationships expert. Leah shares with us about Broken Wing Syndrome, a dynamic in an intimate relationship where one partner is the “victim” and the other is the “rescuer.” Leah provides examples and connects this dynamic with codependency where the victim and rescuer are codependent on maintaining these roles--even when they become toxic and damaging. We conclude with Leah’s advice on how to get out of this dynamic if you’re stuck in it via shadow work. It’s a must-listen!

Thanks for listening!

www.codependummy.com

www.codependummy.com/challenge for the 30-Day Self-Validation Challenge!https://linktr.ee/codependummy

More about this episode’s guest:

Leah Sefor is South Africa’s go-to life and relationships expert. She is well known for being a straight-talking, take-no-prisoners life coach, author, podcaster and speaker whose work is all about ‘what it means to be real’. Leah delivers dynamic coaching experiences, facilitating breakthroughs, and gives men and women the wake up calls they need to create a non-negotiable life. Your journey to a more authentic life starts with her.

https://www.leahsefor.com/

https://web.facebook.com/leahsefor

https://twitter.com/leahsefor

https://www.instagram.com/leah.sefor/

Leah’s giveaways: https://www.leahsefor.com/freebies

More deets on this week’s episode:

Leah shares with us her own definition and conceptualization of codependency. “Mutual manipulation.”

Leah describes aspects of codependency in her own life, including an abusive and toxic relationship in her early 20s. “He was a serial cheater.” Lean opens up about how she repeatedly forgave him since he kept “choosing me” every time he cheated.

Leah defines Broken Wing Syndrome: The dynamic of the rescuer and the victim, usually the man rescuing the woman from a horrible ex or a life of struggle. She needs to stay the victim for him to be attracted and he needs to constantly be the saviour for her to be attracted. The minute she wants to step into her power or him into his vulnerability, the relationship starts to crack.

We hear how Broken Wing Syndrome relates to codependency and what the consequences are of maintaining this dynamic long-term: RESENTMENT, CONTROL, TOXIC interactions. Yuck!

Leah describes how patriarchy and culture both contribute to the development of Broken Wing Syndrome. Marissa adds how families can add to the dynamic and what the messages/modeling can do to the children within that dynamic.

Leah describes ways she works with clients to address their Broken Wing Syndrome via shadow work where they look at the various parts of themselves, their “shadow self,” to then become an integrated whole.

Questions for homework:

If you relate to this dynamic, where do you sense you learned to be a “rescuer” or “victim?”

If you are in this dynamic right now, how is the dynamic serving you?

If you want to get help and get out of the broken wing dynamic, what outside support can you seek? (therapy, coaching, support group)

What aspects of your shadow self, the parts of you that are repressed and suppressed, do you need to start acknowledging?

Thanks for listening!

Marissa’s info:

[email protected]www.codependummy.com/challenge

@therapywithmarissa on IG

Wanna work with me? Go to www.therapywithmarissa.com

Help keep the lights on here: https://linktr.ee/codependummy

-What does codependency look like in plus-size persons?

-How does judgment from others lead plus-size persons to ‘play small’ in their relationships?

-What are the initial steps to healing from our codependency with body image?

Welcome to Episode 128! This week, we are graced with the presence of Annelise Asch, advocate of body neutrality and liberation, to discuss the interconnection between codependency, body image, and plus-size persons. Annelise shares with us how, as young women, we can become codependent on society’s standard of beauty and attraction. This, in turn, can lead us to become codependent on our body image and becoming obsessed with morphing and molding our bodies to fit the “ideal.” Annelise opens up about her own codependency with body image and how she was able to break the connection. We conclude with the initial steps she suggests for plus size persons to stop playing small and start taking up space! It’s a must-listen!

Links for the show:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497

Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge

Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC

Work with me! Email [email protected] to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!

More on this week’s guest:

Annelise Asch is the Social media chair for the International Association of Eading Disorder Professionals iaedp LA and a Professional Relations Representative for The Renfrew Center. She is Passionate about mental health and has worked for 3 years providing peer support and coordinating outreach for mental health organizations in Southern California. Annelise is an advocate of body neutrality and liberation and channels that into her work and personal social media presence.

instagram.com/anneliseasch

Deets on the episode:

We begin with hearing Annelise’s definition of codependency: when one seeks validation from others and allows others to define one’s boundaries. She opens up about codependency from her own life and admits how she used to think it was a compliment! Her former relationship was, unbeknownst to her, extremely codependent where their “compromise” was really them sacrificing their needs. Can you relate?

Our focus turns to codependency in plus size persons. Annelise shares about how, as young women, we are vulnerable to becoming codependent on society’s beauty standard where we strive to meet the standards of an “ideal body.” This in turn can lead to becoming codependent on our own body image where she obsessively think about, worry about, feel self-conscious about, and hyper-focus on our bodies. Annelise describes her own codependency with her attempts to lose weight and how she was enabled due to the positive attention from others and praise.

I ask Annelise about how a plus sized individual may be vulnerable to being codependent in their relationships. If they worry they aren’t “pleasing others” with their body, then they may be more agreeable, conflict-avoidant, and appeasing to their partners, parents, and friends. Annelise also describes how being teased, criticized, or shamed by others can lead a plus-size person to ‘play small.’

What does recovery look like for a plus-size person? Annelise lists how realization of one’s worth, an understanding of body neutrality and body acceptance, finding community, and challenging the beliefs/standards of beauty can free one of being codependent on their body image.

Thanks for coming on Annelise! And thank you for listening, my dear listener!

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-The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge

-Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

-If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email marissa@codepend...

-How can therapists be codependent with their clients, staff, and colleagues?

-If a therapist is codependent, what are the short-term and long-term consequences on them and those they work with?

-Which question do therapists (and for the matter, ALL OF US) need to ask ourselves to combat codependency and instead honor our values, boundaries, and safety?

Welcome to episode 78! This week, we hear about codependent therapists from Ms. Julianne Guinasso, LMFT. Julianne shares with us about the codependent traits and patterns she’s witnessed in therapists throughout her career (from graduate school to starting their own practice). You’ll hear us discuss the consequences of poor boundaries, enabling, self-sacrifice, and avoiding conflict with therapists and their clients, staff, and colleagues. Julianne discusses her role as a consultant for therapist “leaders” and generously shares ways therapists (and all codependents) can combat their codependency and foster interdependence in their personal and professional life. It’s a must-listen!

More on this episode’s guest:

levelupleaders.org

IG: @levelupleaders

Helpful links for the podcast:

www.codependummy.com

www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

JOIN OUR MAILING LIST FOR ALL THINGS CODEPENDUMMY: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497

Make a donation via PAYPAL to support the show: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC

More deets on this episode:

We begin with our “typical two” and hear Julianne’s definition of codependency and experiences of it from her own life. Julianne describes her “resentment meter” and ways she ignored her body thanks to her codependent way of being.

We then shift to questions about codependency in therapists: how they can be codependent with their clients, with their staff, and even encourage CODEPENDENCY IN THEIR STAFF WITH THEIR CLIENTS. Oh man!

Julianne discusses the short-term and long-term consequences of codependent therapists–to themselves, their clients, their staff, and the field in general. It’s brutal!

We conclude with specific strategies that Julianne utilizes with her therapist leader consultees. Pay attention to your body cues...focus on your values, boundaries, and safety...and ask yourself “What is the kindest thing I can do right now?”

Thank you for coming on Julianne!

Questions for you:

1. What came up as you heard Julianne’s definition of codependency?
2. How do you relate to Julianne’s examples of her codependency? What aspects of your codependency were you reminded of?
3. After hearing the ways that therapists can be codependent with their clients/staff/colleagues, what came up for you with the behaviors? Do you find yourself behaving similarly or differently at work/school?
4. Have you too worked in an environment that bred codependent behaviors in their staff? How did that impact you emotionally, physically, spiritually, etc.?
5. When hearing Julianne’s strategies, how can you start to implement one of them this week?
6. WHAT IS THE KINDEST THING YOU CAN DO FOR YOURSELF RIGHT NOW?

Thank you for listening! Helpful links:

www.codependummy.com

www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

[email protected]

JOIN OUR MAILING LIST FOR ALL THINGS CODEPENDUMMY: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497

Make a donation to support the show: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC

https://linktr.ee/codependummy

Please leave a rating & review. A subscribe and share is welcomed! RRSS!

-What is the inner critic?

-How can we stop listening to or warring with our inner critic?

-How can practicing self-compassion help us befriend our inner critic?

Welcome to Episode 165! This week, Rachel Koutnik, LCSW, is back to teach us all about the befriending our inner critic through self-compassion! In the episode, you’ll hear Rachel walk us through what the ‘inner critic’ is, how we may be codependent with our inner critic, and why that may contribute to our codependency in our relationships. Rather than combat or try to rid ourselves of our inner critic, Rachel suggests befriending it through the use of self-compassion. We conclude with tangible suggestions from Rachel on how to cultivate a self-compassion practice. It’s a must-listen!

Links for the show:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497

Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge

Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC

Work with me! Email [email protected] to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!

More on this week’s guest:

Rachel Koutnik, Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is a therapist in private practice working mostly online in Los Angeles and is licensed in both CA and IL. Her approach to therapy is both relational and holistic with a focus on helping adolescents, adults, couples and families repair attachment trauma while integrating healing for the mind, body and spirit.

See Rachel on March 16 at the IOCDF Conference: https://iocdf.org/programs/conferences/

Check out Rachel’s website for her individual therapy and group offerings: www.rachelktherapy.com

More deets on the episode:

We begin with revisiting Rachel’s definition of codependency that she expands on through the lens of our relationship with ourselves. She describes how we look outside of ourselves for approval and reassurance and behave how we think others want us to be.

Rachel opens up about codependency in her own life and how she has been more codependent in relationships where her ‘inner critic’ was more at the forefront of her mind. She recalls laughing when things were not funny, having physical intimacy when she wasn’t ready, and privileging the other person’s needs above her own.

We shift focus to Rachel’s work to help her clients befriend their inner critic. She utilizes self-compassion, based off the work of Kristen Neff, that defines the practice as mindfulness and how we meet our suffering. Rachel defines self-compassion as developing a healthy relationship with suffering through loving, spacious awareness of all our parts. Rachel asserts how self-compassion helps us stop shaming ourselves while we heal which is a mandate to truly healing!

Rachel defines the ‘inner critic’ and shares how we can be just as codependent with this internal part as we are in our external relationships. In order to befriend our inner critic, Rachel asserts how we need to recognize it’s origin (how old is this part?) then engage in the reparative work: naming it, separating from it, using mindfulness, let compassion in, and provide compassion the way you might to a friend.

We conclude with Rachel listing how we can check in with our bodies when using self-compassion: take turns being the observer, the self-compassionate part, and the inner critic part of us to give all three space. Then, to provide compassion, we can tune in to our breathing, provide soothing though, go through a body scan, engage in movement/exercise, and incorporate tapping via Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT).

Thank you for coming on again Rachel! And thank you dear listener for listening!

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