How To Individuate with Jacqueline Schreiber, Associate MFT
Explicit content warning
11/13/23 • 53 min
-What does it mean to ‘individuate?’ And how does it contrast with codependency?
-How can codependents work towards individuating?
-If we do individuate, how does that result in our feeling more whole and authentic?
Welcome to Episode 152! This week, my guest Jacqueline Schreiber, Associate MFT, is here to talk all about i n d i v i d u a t i o n. Jacqueline describes the common challenges that women face today and how those challenges often result in us being more codependent and reliant on others to meet our needs. In order to combat this pattern, she encourages that we individuate. You’ll hear her define the process of individuating and the steps she helps her clients take to work towards it. We conclude with how and why this process leads us to feel more whole, authentic, and aware. It’s a must-listen!
Links for the show:
Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497
Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing
FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge
Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC
Work with me! Email [email protected] to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!
More on this week’s guest:
Jacki Schreiber is an associate Marriage and Family Therapist. She received her Masters degree from Antioch University and is pursuing a PhD from Pacifica Graduate Institute. Jacki previously worked as a business consultant and, for the past 16 years, has done process work to heal from her family of origin.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/jacqueline-a-schreiber-los-angeles-ca/1140845
More deets on the episode:
We begin with Jacqueline’s (aka Jacki) definition of codependent: when two individuals are emotionally or psychologically dependent on one another due to undeveloped parts/skill sets from our development.
Jacki opens up about codependency in her own life, revealing how she did not have anyone to attach to. She reflects on the enmeshment she had with her mother and how, at times, it was as if they were merged into one.
We shift focus to Jacki’s specialty of working with women. She lists the challenges that women are facing today, including how we have too many demands for our attention (which enables our avoidance and ability to disconnect), our cultural conditioning to give, and our conditioning as caretakers.
In order to address these challenges, Jacki is a proponent of individuation. This can be seen as the opposite of codependency, similar to interdependence, but the individual’s experience of interdependence. Jacki describes how she helps her clients work towards indivdiuating by working with their cognitive distortions, helping them become aware of their unconscious thoughts, creating safety, breathwork, shifting energy, and cultivating wholeness.
Stop. Look. Listen. Feel. Trace. This helps us becom eaware of our triggers and look back to see if we can identify where they relate to our past. This leads to women getting in touch with their truth, wholeness, and authenticity. This also promotes our ability to be with ourselves–talk about the ultimate way to combat codependency!
Thanks for coming on Jacki! And thank you for being here, dear listener!
PLEASE:
Rate.
Review.
Subscribe.
Share.
We need more ratings on Spotify! TY!
-The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge
-Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing
-If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email [email protected] to work with me!
-Sign up for the newsletter: https://keap.app/contact-us/23025984260...
-What does it mean to ‘individuate?’ And how does it contrast with codependency?
-How can codependents work towards individuating?
-If we do individuate, how does that result in our feeling more whole and authentic?
Welcome to Episode 152! This week, my guest Jacqueline Schreiber, Associate MFT, is here to talk all about i n d i v i d u a t i o n. Jacqueline describes the common challenges that women face today and how those challenges often result in us being more codependent and reliant on others to meet our needs. In order to combat this pattern, she encourages that we individuate. You’ll hear her define the process of individuating and the steps she helps her clients take to work towards it. We conclude with how and why this process leads us to feel more whole, authentic, and aware. It’s a must-listen!
Links for the show:
Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497
Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing
FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge
Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC
Work with me! Email [email protected] to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!
More on this week’s guest:
Jacki Schreiber is an associate Marriage and Family Therapist. She received her Masters degree from Antioch University and is pursuing a PhD from Pacifica Graduate Institute. Jacki previously worked as a business consultant and, for the past 16 years, has done process work to heal from her family of origin.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/jacqueline-a-schreiber-los-angeles-ca/1140845
More deets on the episode:
We begin with Jacqueline’s (aka Jacki) definition of codependent: when two individuals are emotionally or psychologically dependent on one another due to undeveloped parts/skill sets from our development.
Jacki opens up about codependency in her own life, revealing how she did not have anyone to attach to. She reflects on the enmeshment she had with her mother and how, at times, it was as if they were merged into one.
We shift focus to Jacki’s specialty of working with women. She lists the challenges that women are facing today, including how we have too many demands for our attention (which enables our avoidance and ability to disconnect), our cultural conditioning to give, and our conditioning as caretakers.
In order to address these challenges, Jacki is a proponent of individuation. This can be seen as the opposite of codependency, similar to interdependence, but the individual’s experience of interdependence. Jacki describes how she helps her clients work towards indivdiuating by working with their cognitive distortions, helping them become aware of their unconscious thoughts, creating safety, breathwork, shifting energy, and cultivating wholeness.
Stop. Look. Listen. Feel. Trace. This helps us becom eaware of our triggers and look back to see if we can identify where they relate to our past. This leads to women getting in touch with their truth, wholeness, and authenticity. This also promotes our ability to be with ourselves–talk about the ultimate way to combat codependency!
Thanks for coming on Jacki! And thank you for being here, dear listener!
PLEASE:
Rate.
Review.
Subscribe.
Share.
We need more ratings on Spotify! TY!
-The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge
-Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing
-If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email [email protected] to work with me!
-Sign up for the newsletter: https://keap.app/contact-us/23025984260...
Previous Episode
Betrayed Partners with Dan Drake, LMFT, LPCC, CCPS-S, CSAT-S
-What does codependency look like in the betrayed partners of sex addicts?
-How can the safety seeking behaviors of betrayed partners appear ‘codependent’ but really be forms of healthy healing?
-If you are a betrayed partner, what are the initial steps you can take to heal?
Welcome to Episode 151! This week, I am joined by Dan Drake, LMFT, LPCC, CCPS-S, CSAT-S, to talk all about codependency in the betrayed partners of sex addicts. Dan is here to set the record straight on how, despite some behaviors of betrayed partners may appear codependent, they are often necessary, healthy, and healing ways of coping. Dan educates us on the history of treating the betrayed partners of sex addicts and how they were seen as ‘sicker than their partners.’ We discuss what treatment of betrayed partners looks like today and end with suggestions on how you can heal if you have been betrayed. It’s a must-listen!
Links for the show:
Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497
Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing
FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge
Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC
Work with me! Email [email protected] to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!
More on this week’s guest:
Dan Drake is a licensed clinician, a Certified Clinical Partner Specialist Supervisor as well as a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist Supervisor. He has co-authored several books, including Full Disclosure: How to Share the Truth after Sexual Betrayal and Letters from a Sex Addict: My Life Exposed. Dan is the is the Founder and Clinical Director of Banyan Therapy Group in Los Angeles.
Free Boundary Setting Resources: https://www.banyantherapy.com/resources/
https://www.banyantherapy.com/
https://www.instagram.com/banyantherapygroup/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC9XcxIVClbH3Qjio0AWBs4Q
https://twitter.com/i/flow/login?redirect_after_login=%2Fbanyantherapy
https://www.facebook.com/BanyanTherapyGroup
More deets on the episode:
We begin with Dan’s definition of codependency: a way of managing one’s own internal state through others. Dan reveals his reluctance to use the definition due to the controversy and misdiagnosis of the term in the treatment of the betrayed partners of sex addicts.
Dan reflects on codependency in his own life, including how he often deferred to others when it came to deciding everyday things like what to eat for dinner. He also shares how that pattern continues on sidewalks where he defers to others in his path which way he should move to avoid colliding. Can you relate?
Dan provides a brief history on the treatment of betrayed partners of sex addicts. Since it is a “process” rather than “chemical” addiction, it is different than treating substances. However, initially, the wives of male sex addicts were seen as the enabling, “sicker,” and neurotic codependent partner. Thankfully, in the early 2000s, this perspective was radically changed as many betrayed partners are not even aware of their partners’ addiction due to the inherent manipulation, secrecy, and ease with hiding the addiction.
Dan and I explore how and why the safety seeking behaviors of betrayed partners may look codependent–but they aren’t! We grapple with behaviors like making excuses, secret-keeping, ‘snoopervising,’ and staying in the relationship. We agree that, since sex addiction is a process addiction, the behavior of the betrayed is more nuanced, and thus, more difficult to label objectively as ‘codependent.’
Dan discusses ways a partner can discern whether they are being abused/gaslit as they work towards healing. We conclude by healing how Dan helps couples navigate the healing process from sex addiction and how he helps the betrayed partner focus on the integration of their whole self.
Thanks for coming on Dan! And thank you for being here, dear listener!<...
Next Episode
Codependency and Weight with Dr. Susan Peirce Thompson, PhD
-How might codependency in our relationships relate to the weight of our bodies?
-What impact does self-neglect have on our relationship with food, body, body image, and weight?
-How can codependents prioritize personal rituals in their daily routine to prioritize their physical health?
Welcome to Episode 153! This week we are joined by Dr. Susan Peirce Thompson, PhD, to investigate the connection between codependency and weight. Dr. Thompson explains how codependency and weight can relate, including how codependents may cope with their lives through food. We look at topics like self-neglect, self-sacrifice, and caregiving and how those contribute to weight loss or weight gain. Dr. Thompson shares about her work with clients and how she helps them create personal rituals to improve their relationship with food and ultimately themselves. We conclude with specific suggestions from Dr. Thompson on ways to improve our daily routine with food. It’s a must-listen!
Links for the show:
Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497
Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing
FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge
Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC
Work with me! Email [email protected] to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!
More on this week’s guest:
Dr. SUSAN PEIRCE THOMPSON, PH.D., is the New York Times bestselling author of Bright Line Eating, The Official Bright Line Eating Cookbook, and Rezoom. She is an Adjunct Associate Professor of Brain and Cognitive Sciences at the University of Rochester and an expert in the psychology of eating. She is president of the Institute for Sustainable Weight Loss and the founder of Bright Line Eating, a worldwide movement on a mission to help one million people have their Bright Transformations—the full physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional transformation that accompanies healthy, sustainable weight loss—by 2030.
https://www.facebook.com/BrightLineEating
https://www.instagram.com//brightlineeating/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKNuQvVX_3SzNALJlvieH-Q
More deets on the episode:
We begin with Dr. Thompson’s definition of codependency: when someone is doing for another what they could do for themselves. This may be for love, approval, to feel safe in themselves, or trying to prevent being hurt. She discusses the caregiver part related to IFS (Internal Family Systems) and how we often are wounded and trying to prevent further wounding.
Dr. Thompson opens up about codependency in her own life and how her mother was codependent on her while she was an addict.
We shift focus to Dr. Thompson’s specialty of our relationship to our weight. According to Dr. Thompson, our weight and codependency connect through 1) the addiction pathway; or 2) the consolation pathway. With addiction, codependents may be vulnerable to this pathway since we may rely on substances to cope with life, however, we unconsciously select substances, like food, that help us maintain all of our responsibilities. With the consolation pathway, codependents may reward themselves or view food as a “prize” for all their hard work or when things don’t go their way.
Dr. Thompson details how codependency may directly impact our weight loss or weight gain. If we use food to help us “keep it together,” then we are likely to gain weight as a consequence. In contrast, if we are so over-focused on others and fulfilling their needs, we may neglect ourselves and lose weight due to self-neglect. She shares about her program, Bright Line Eating, and how she helps people get in touch with the underlying reasons that contribute to their problems with weight. She discusses the connection between weight and food addiction and how addicts and codependents are vulnerable to cross-addictions if they do not address the core issues contributing to their addiction.
Dr. Thompson encourages us all to take her quiz at
If you like this episode you’ll love
Episode Comments
Generate a badge
Get a badge for your website that links back to this episode
<a href="https://goodpods.com/podcasts/the-codependummy-podcast-204598/how-to-individuate-with-jacqueline-schreiber-associate-mft-36708463"> <img src="https://storage.googleapis.com/goodpods-images-bucket/badges/generic-badge-1.svg" alt="listen to how to individuate with jacqueline schreiber, associate mft on goodpods" style="width: 225px" /> </a>
Copy