Parenting teenagers untangled. 🏆 The audio hug for parents of teens and tweens.

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?

Lone parenting:

One of Susie’s superpowers has been raising three kids alone, so this time we look at some of the issues of lone parents, and some top tips for managing well.

We talk about positive modelling of the opposite sex, the stresses on teenagers and how to support them, and how to use mindfulness to find your way through the stresses of doing it alone.

Links to resources I dipped into are below. We’d love to hear if there are any specific issues you’d like tackled.

Moody teenagers:

Simon’s son’s moods are bringing down the whole family. He asked us what he can do about it and how to know when it’s something more serious than just being a typical teenager.

We talk about the science behind what’s happening, the way in which it can trigger our fears as a parent, and what to do to coach a teen through moody phases so that it doesn’t impact the entire family.

We also give the top things to consider when wondering whether it’s something more serious that needs professional help.

Resources used for single parenting:

http://www.ymresourcer.com/model/brhome.htm

https://www.outbacktreatment.com/effects-divorce-teen/

Resources used for dealing with moody teenagers:

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/science/why-are-teenagers-so-moody-a6874856.html

https://www.quickanddirtytips.com/parenting/tweens-teens/moody-teenager

Dan Siegel The Adolescent Brain

https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/gut-feelings-how-food-affects-your-mood-2018120715548

https://healthcare.utah.edu/the-scope/shows.php?shows=1_1jyrruao

Support the show

Thank you so much for your support.

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?

If you know the film Mean Girls you're no stranger to the concept that teen friendship groups can be fraught with problems. Whilst the film illustrates an extreme version of the issue any parent of girls will be familiar with the angst they can cause. With the help of the book Queen Bees and Wannabes by Rosalind Wiseman, Susie and I look at how you can coach your daughter positively through this tumultuous time. Below are top tips I gleaned from the book:
Wiseman breaks down the structure of these groups into roles.
The Queen Bee - the one who sets the tone for the group, and holds control.
The Sidekick - the one who backs up the Queen Bee.
The Banker - The one who collects information on members and uses it like a currency.
The Messenger - The one who passes on information to try and make peace between girls.
The Pleaser/Wannabe - The one who tries to please the others regardless of what she loses in the process.
The Torn Bystander - The one who sees what's happening but feels powerless to say anything.
The Target - The one who is undermined to consolidate power.
The Champion - The one who manages to have friends in different groups.
Power is wielded through teasing and gossip.
An excellent video to watch with your teen:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1zx11-9RU2U
The job of the parent is to help your daughter recognise what's happening and help her to strategise.
How to do this:
S: Stop and strategise.
E: Explain to 'mean girl' what it was that she doesn't like about the way she has been treated.
A: Affirm her right to exist without being humiliated.
L: Lock in/Lock out of the relationship.
Bill of Rights:
· What does she want and need in a friendship? Trust, reliability..
· What are her rights in a friendship? To be treated respectfully, with kindness and honesty.
· What are her responsibilities? To treat her friends ethically.
· What would a friend have to do or be like for her to end the friendship?
· What are her friend’s rights and responsibilities? To listen, even when it’s not easy to hear.
See www.culturesofdignity.com for more information.
HOW TO GET YOUR TEEN TO KEEP GOING PAST THE FIRST HURDLE:
Research by Seligman, Peterson and Duckworth. shows that the most successful people have seven key character traits.
· Zest
· Grit
· Self-control
· Hope-optimism
· Curiosity
· Gratitude
· Social intelligence
GRIT: something we develop, mos

Support the show

Thank you so much for your support.

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?

More than half of UK parents in one study were concerned that excessive screen time while schools were closed could cause addiction later down the line, so if you feel the boundaries have shifted you're not alone.
Don't panic: Common Sense Media and the WHO (when adding gaming disorder to their list of diseases) say it's not how many hours are spent on screens, it's what your teen is using screens for and the impact it has on how they feel and the other areas of their life. Rachel’s blog post on handing your teen a device:
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/mobile-phones-social-media-and-online-access-what-i-would-do-if-i-had-my-teens-or-tweens-again/
Key Resources:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/being-your-selfie/202105/teens-and-technology-guide-digital-detoxing
https://sitn.hms.harvard.edu/flash/2018/dopamine-smartphones-battle-time/
https://www.commonsensemedia.org/articles/screen-time-in-the-age-of-the-coronavirus
https://socialmediavictims.org/effects-of-social-media/

Lawsuits against Meta (Facebook and Instagram) for the harm they cause users - https://socialmediavictims.org/meta-lawsuits

HEALTHY EATING:
Our knowledge and understanding around eating disorders is far more developed than it ever was in the past. Most of us know that developing a disorder can be harrowing and life-threatening, and needs professional intervention. As a result, many of us are fearful of saying anything for fear of triggering a disorder.
Prevention begins with open communication - start early:

· Regularly discuss media messages that convey the idea only a certain body type is acceptable, and encourage your teen to question what they're seeing..
· Be kind to yourself about your own body.
· Teach your teen to tune into how their diet affects how they feel, and their energy levels.
· Encourage your teen to eat mindfully, and only when they're hungry.
· Eat together as a family
· Listen to our podcast on promoting a

Support the show

Thank you so much for your support.

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?

Our teens are growing up in a world of TikTok, You Tube and Instagram, places full of barely dressed people talking freely about body positivity and sex. It’s hardly surprising that they might have a different view of what’s acceptable from that of their parents.

In the UK, sex is legal at age 16, but any sexual images of a person under 18 are deemed child pornography, even when the person sending them is the creator.

Research compiled in the UK for Cultureframed.org:

1 in 7 under 18’s sends sext messages; 1 in 4 receives them. 1 in 8 who received a message has sent it to others without the sender’s consent.

Internet Watch Foundation, confirmed 68k cases of self-generated imagery that needed to be removed in 2020 – up 77% on the previous year.

In 80% of these cases, the victims were 11 to 13-year-old girls. Fewer than 8% of young women send nude pics because they genuinely want to.

Book: When You Lose It, Roxy and Gay Longworth.

Why do they sext?

• Seeking someone’s approval
• Long distance/online relationships, where there is a desire to have a sexual relationship
• Feeling confident in their looks and they want to share with other people
• Peer pressure
• Fun
• As a result of harassment, threats or blackmail

What to do?
Having regular talks about relationships, sex and consent. Use open questions, actively listen, and never be shocked.

• What do they post about themselves?
• What sites do they use and what draws them there?
• What types of attention are they looking for online and from whom?
• How do they decide what information to share?

Set clear guidelines and firewalls.

Boys?
Adolescent boys are under enormous pressure to impress their peers.

• Ask boys why they would feel entitled to ask for these photos, knowing the pitfalls.
• Ask them what pressures they feel from their friends and porn culture.
• Do they know that it’s illegal to disseminate or ask for nude images of under age people?

If something's happened:

• Speak to the school and parents of the other teenager to the get the material removed.
• The IWF can search for explicit images or videos of your child and remove them.
• Tell your girls about the #gurlsoutloud support hashtag.
• A free service to remove pictures of under 18’s online. https://takeitdown.ncmec.org/

Support the show

Thank you so much for your support.

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

Just when you thought that you’d got the hang of parenting, your child changes again, and this time it’s a teenager.
In this episode, we have a rummage in your parenting toolbox to work out what’s in there, and how useful it actually is.
And in Tangling with your Teenager, we gather all of your suggestions to answer Natalie’s question. ‘How do I get my son to do what I say, and tidy his room?’
Answers range from taking the door off to pretending there are mice in the room.
In the next epsisode we’ll wade into the deep end and discuss the issue of teenagers and alcohol.
And discuss Alex’s question ‘How I stay connected to my teen when they pull away, and argue with me?’
Do you have any tips or answers? Or any great stories that will teach us what not to do?
We'd love to hear from you, including any questions you'd like answered?
Email us now: [email protected]
Or find us on Facebook and Instagram.
Experts mentioned in the podcast:
👉🏻Www.aricsigman.com
👉🏻Jesper Juul: Your Competent Child

Thanks for listening. Creating this podcast has been transformative for our family lives; we hope it does the same for yours.
Please subscribe if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk