Parenting teenagers untangled. 🏆 The audio hug for parents of teens and tweens. - 145: How to stop a downward spiral before it happens with Dr Greg Walton 'One of psychology's greatest'

145: How to stop a downward spiral before it happens with Dr Greg Walton 'One of psychology's greatest'

06/04/25 • 50 min

Parenting teenagers untangled. 🏆 The audio hug for parents of teens and tweens.

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?

Wouldn't it be great if we knew when and how we parents and teachers can make a massive long-term difference by doing something relatively small? What if we could catch those moments that might set off either an upward or downward spiral, and help our kids find the best path?

Well, that's what this episode is all about. Dr Gregory Walton has been described as 'one of psychology's greatest architects of how to change behaviour for good', and 'one of the most important psychologists in a generation'.

He is co-director of Harvard's Dweck-Walton lab and coined the term 'Wise interventions'; things we can do or say that hit the spot just at the point when another person is asking one of life's fundamental questions.

His new book is called, Ordinary Magic. It's all about the science of how we can achieve big change with small acts. These are things that go much further than the small nudges that help people to make better choices. This is the sort of deep magic that can last a lifetime.

Contact Dr Greg Walton:

https://www.gregorywalton.com/

CORE QUESTIONS:

Can I do it?
Do I belong?
Am I enough?
Who am I?
Do you love me?
Can I trust you?

KEY POINTS AT WHICH CORE QUESTIONS TEND TO CROP UP: TIF's

Transitions
Identity
Challenges

THE PRINCIPLES FOR THINKING THROUGH 'BAD' EVENTS:

Avoid negative labels (I'm not bad)
You're not the only one; you're never the only one. (It's normal)
Recognise causes that don't malign you or others (I/you face real obstacles)
Forecast improvement (It can get better)
Recognise opportunities (Silver lining)

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www.amindful-life.co.uk

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?

Contact Dr Greg Walton:

https://www.gregorywalton.com/

CORE QUESTIONS:

Can I do it?
Do I belong?
Am I enough?
Who am I?
Do you love me?
Can I trust you?

KEY POINTS AT WHICH CORE QUESTIONS TEND TO CROP UP: TIF's

Transitions
Identity
Challenges

THE PRINCIPLES FOR THINKING THROUGH 'BAD' EVENTS:

Avoid negative labels (I'm not bad)
You're not the only one; you're never the only one. (It's normal)
Recognise causes that don't malign you or others (I/you face real obstacles)
Forecast improvement (It can get better)
Recognise opportunities (Silver lining)

Support the show

Thank you so much for your support.

Previous Episode

144: First love, breakups & LGBTQ. How to support your teen.

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?

First love can be immensely powerful; a profound and unforgetable journey that shapes who we are. It teaches us about intimacy, boundaries and heartbreak and as parents it challenges all of our skills and perceptions.

In this episode my daughter, Phoebe, offered to talk about her first experience; what it taught her, how it changed her, and what she thinks adults need to understand to support their teen; particularly one who is same sex attracted.

What I learned from our experience is that the most important thing is knowing your child is in a kind, honest, loving relationship.

Phoebe reflects on the problems with the long-distance aspect of her relationship, the struggle to gain assertiveness, and the eventual breakup. The conversation also touches on the role of social media, the importance of closure, and the growth Phoebe experienced as a result of her experiences.

TOP BREAK-UP TIPS:

Provide time and space for your teenager to process the breakup without pressure.
Avoid making judgmental comments about the ex-partner or trying to convince the teenager they are "better off".
Support your teenager in finding healthy coping mechanisms, such as focusing on personal goals and interests.
Encourage your teenager to set boundaries with the ex-partner, including unfollowing on social media, if needed for the healing process.
Recognize that the healing process after a first love breakup can take significant time, often 6 months or more.

Support the show

Thank you so much for your support.

Parenting teenagers untangled. 🏆 The audio hug for parents of teens and tweens. - 145: How to stop a downward spiral before it happens with Dr Greg Walton 'One of psychology's greatest'

Transcript

Dr Greg Walton00:00:00.000

Often we give that praise to young people who we think have low self esteem, to try to raise their self esteem. We sit like you have a kid who seems unsure of themselves, and you say you're number one, and that actually lowers kids self esteem because it sets up a standard that they think they'll never reach. And then there's other kids who actually do have high self esteem, and then they get that kind of praise, and that sets them up for th