Neurodiverse Love with Mona Kay

During this episode with therapist and coach Eva A. Mendes she shares some of the important information neurodiverse couples shared with her for her newest book titled: “Armchair Conversations on Love and Autism: Secrets of Happy Neurodiverse Couples”.

Some of the important things that top performing neurodiverse couples do:

1. Accept the diagnosis and talk openly about each partner’s neurotypes. Work together to understand the root cause of their challenges as a couple.
2. Have a beginners mindset as an individual and a couple.
3. Trust each other and be able to be influenced by their partner.

Some of the other topics discussed include:

• The challenge with taking things personally and not understanding your partner’s love.
• Understanding different ways of communication with your partner and others.
• The importance of building on your strengths.
• Understanding what you each may need to do differently to connect.
• Staying humble and curious with your partner.
• Going “beyond the midline”for both partners.
• The importance of working with a professional who has experience working with ND couples.
• Both partners working on the relationship to the best of their ability.
• Addressing different issues that come up over the lifespan.
• Focusing on “solvable” not “perpetual” problems.
• Working on empathy for each other.
• Understanding your partner in the greater context of their life.
• Acknowledging that you can’t get everything from one person. It takes a village!
• Sometimes couples don’t have enough bandwidth for each other anymore.
• We are all here to grow and have an opportunity to learn more about ourselves and our partners.

Contact Eva by clicking here.

Buy the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards or Workbook

Subscribe to the Neurodiverse Love Newsletter

Follow Mona on Instagram

Check out the Neurodiverse Love Website

Listen to the Neurodivergent Connections YouTube channel Mona co-hosts

I am so excited to invite all of you to join me and more than 30 amazing presenters, of many different neurotypes, to the

2nd Virtual Neurodiverse Love Conference on March 6-8, 2025. All the presentations are recorded,so everyone who registers will get lifetime accessto all the sessions.

If you use the the discount code Mona50 you will get $50 off the registration and your cost is ONLY $47.

Click here to register today!

In addition, you will get 3 awesome BONUSES FOR FREE:

• Digital version of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards and the digital workbook ($23.97 value)
• 27 video sessions from the 1st Virtual Neurodiverse Love Conference ($97 value)

To see the list of presenters click here.

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During this episode, you will hear from AuDHD Therapist, Lindsay Averbook. Lindsay shares about her journey to get herAutism diagnosis and describes the challenges she had with medical providers who weren’t listening to her.

She chose to get a neuropsychological evaluation and was diagnosed as Autistic. She also had received an ADHD diagnsosis while in college.

Lindsay also shares how she went through an identity crisis after the Autism diagnosis and how she didn’t know what to do after the diagnosis. She also began questioning whether she could still be a therapist.

We also talk about the need for more education about adult neurodivergence for mental health and medical providers and the stigma associated with diagnosis.

We discuss the fear of disclosure with friends, family, your romantic partner or colleagues and how everything in life can make more sense after a diagnosis and how validating it can be as you begin to understand so many things from your past.

Lastly, we talk about how media is portraying adult neurodivergence differently and how many newly diagnosed individuals may go through a grieving process as they begin to unmask and discover their most authentic self.

You can contact Lindsay at:[email protected]

To learn more about the Neurodivere Love Conversation Cards and Workbook, the Neurodiverse Love Conference videos and the other resources available for individuals or couples in mixed neurotype relationships, check out ⁠Neurodiverse Love. _________________________________________________

Reactivity wreaks havoc in Neurodiverse partnerships. It is implicated in the breakdown of connection, communication and skillful conflict and gets in the way of efforts to recover despite both partner's desires and intentions. Jill discusses the role of reactivity and pathways to change your relationship with it.

You can learn more about Jill's work at:

www.jillcorvelli.com or www.ndpartnerscompass.com

If you would like to join the "mixed neurotype" support group that I co-facilitate with Jodi Carlton called "Navigating Decisions and Choices in Your Neurodiverse Relationship" you can register at: https://jodicarlton.com/groups/ The cost is ONLY $25 per session and we offer 2 groups (12:30-2PM EST and 6:30-8pm EST) and they both meet on Zoom on the 1st Wednesday of each month. In addition, if you would like to order the digital version of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards ($11) or the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook ($12.97) you can click here Thank you for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community! _______________________________________________________ During this episode of the podcast, Mona has an opportunity to talk with Tristan and Renee who recently learned that they are a mixed neurotype couple. Tristan identifies as having some traits of what used to be identified as Asperger's and Renee identifies as ADHD. Throughout this conversation, both Tristan and Renee share the struggles and growth they have experienced individually, as a couple and as a neurodiverse family with two young children. Other topics addressed include:

• Their different perspectives on their relationship when they first met.
• When one partner is clear about the path for the relationship, but hasn't communicated it to the other person: ie: if you're pursuing someone, it's only for marriage.
• Codependency and trying to solve other people's problems.
• Not understanding when you have poor boundaries.
• Supression of emotions and being hypervigilant.
• When you have neurodivergent traits, but would not be diagnosed based on the current criteria.
• Anger is a sign of fear.
• We all deserve to do the things we love and live a life with peace, freedom and a lasting, healthy relationship.
• Communicate what you need and how your brain and emotions work.
• When your faith helps keep you together.
• Agape love can be a transforming force.
• Do we actually change or just begin to see things differently?
• How are you supporting each other as you each become more of your authentic selves?
• The pain needs to pay off somehow and it might be used to help others who are having similar challenges.
• What does it look like to love the future version of your partner?
• The value of learning and using the Imago Process by Harville Hendrix and Helen Hunt LaKelly
• Your partner may feel like they have the solution to every problem.
• Choosing to be more assertive.
• When people are emotional they may say things they don't mean!
• In other cultures they accept people being in crisis and believe they can work through it and get to the other side.
• You can crash and burn, but it's not the final destination.
• Sometimes we need our partner to do more then just listen and respond appropriately...we need empathy.
• The interplay between the masculine and feminine.

To contact Tristan and Renee you can go to: www.purposeadvisory.com.au or send an email to: [email protected]

If you and your partner are looking for ways to improve your communication in your mixed neurotype relationship, then click here to purchase the recorded workshop with Greg Fuqua and Mona Kay titled: "Strategies and Tools for Increasing Healthy and Respectful Communication in Your Neurodiverse Relationship".

The topics that are addressed include: 1) Rituals of Communication. 2) Healthy Communication Structures. 3) Reciprocity and Turn Taking. 4) Perspective Taking and Conflict Resolution. 5) Tools for Communicating Changes Wanted and Needed.

The investment for this workshop is ONLY $97 and each participant will receive a Communication Workbook and a code to purchase the digital version of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards ($11 value) and the digital version of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook ($12.97 value) for only $1 each! _______________________________________________________ During this episode, Greg Fuqua and Mona Kay talk about some of the strengths, challenges and differences that may be present when one partner is Autistic and the other is ADHD. Greg has this dynamic in his marriage and Mona had this dynamic in her 30 year marriage, so they both share a lot of their personal experiences, as well as those they have seen in other couples with these mixed neurotypes. The topics addressed include: Externalized energy vs internalized energy. One partner may be a "bridge" for the other. Differences and overlaps and shared understanding. Anxious pursuer vs avoidant. Timing is the key to find moments to connect. In-depth knowledge vs chasing a new thing. External calm and patience vs lots of outer energy and a desire for change. Having different processing preferences. Ability to jump around vs going deep with one subject. The need for autonomy and freedom or feeling like you have to repress your needs. Understanding emotional dysregulation and self-soothing. Being hyperverbal vs hypoverbal. How knowing each other's neurotypes can help explain why you both may be having challenges. Tracking each others mood and stress and attuning to each other, rather then judging and creating conflict. Valuing each others different processing styles. Understanding unidentified sensitivities. Being vulnerable vs intellectualizing emotions and growing in emotional vulnerability. Focusing on your strengths and connection as a couple can help you rebuild and transform your relationship. If you would like to contact Greg you can email him at [email protected] or check out his website at: www.gregfuqua.com If you would like to learn more about the support groups or other resources that Mona offers, you can check out her website at: www.neurodiverselove.com or email her at: [email protected]