How Our Sensory Differences Are Impacting Our Relationship and the Road to Making Things Better-Lori Crowley

04/08/25 • 75 min

Lori Crowley, M.A., LMFT, LPCC is a therapist and coach who works with neurodivergent families and couples. During this episode she shares some of her lived experiences and her expertise as well as the importance of taking a somatic approach to psychotherapy. We discuss so many important issues for neurodiverse couples to understand and addresss including:

How to integrate sensory differences.
Dealing with sensory overwhelm.
Neurons that fire together wire together.
Sensory resourcing.
Understanding all of our senses including vestibular, neuroception, and interoception.
Understanding being sensory seeking, sensory avoidant, neutral or a combination.
Brain story on Neuroclastic website
Logicalizing or invalidating emotions.
“Toward” energy and “Away” Energy.
Rewiring your neural pathways.
Double empathy problem.
Changing the frame in which we are holding our experiences.
Opposites can “complete” each other.
Is it a “can’t” or a “won’t”?
Overwhelm, lack of agency/choice and sense of imminent demise can lead to trauma.
How do I repair? 1) Create safety in the environment: Person you are interacting with needs to be seen. Look at them through a sensory lens: 2) They need to be heard. Hold what comes at you; 3) Teding-people want to feel respected. This can help the other person’s energy relax. Remember not to say “but”, however you can say “and”.
Unpacking some of the sensory issues in play that led to Mona moving forward on a divorce.
Understanding if it’s overwhelm or lack of care?
Understand that repair may not be possible, however forgiveness can be very healing.

You can contact Lori for therapy here or for coaching here.

If you missed the 2025 Neurodiverse Love Conference you can still buy "lifetime access" to the 31 sessions and the 4 recorded Q&A sessions. To buy access to the conference sessions or to learn more about the presentation topics, presenters and the bonuses you will receive click here.

You can click here also learn more about the other resources Mona offers or at the links below:

Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards or Workbook

Newsletter | Instagram | Website | YouTube

How to integrate sensory differences.
Dealing with sensory overwhelm.
Neurons that fire together wire together.
Sensory resourcing.
Understanding all of our senses including vestibular, neuroception, and interoception.
Understanding being sensory seeking, sensory avoidant, neutral or a combination.
Brain story on Neuroclastic website
Logicalizing or invalidating emotions.
“Toward” energy and “Away” Energy.
Rewiring your neural pathways.
Double empathy problem.
Changing the frame in which we are holding our experiences.
Opposites can “complete” each other.
Is it a “can’t” or a “won’t”?
Overwhelm, lack of agency/choice and sense of imminent demise can lead to trauma.
How do I repair? 1) Create safety in the environment: Person you are interacting with needs to be seen. Look at them through a sensory lens: 2) They need to be heard. Hold what comes at you; 3) Teding-people want to feel respected. This can help the other person’s energy relax. Remember not to say “but”, however you can say “and”.
Unpacking some of the sensory issues in play that led to Mona moving forward on a divorce.
Understanding if it’s overwhelm or lack of care?
Understand that repair may not be possible, however forgiveness can be very healing.

You can contact Lori for therapy here or for coaching here.

You can click here also learn more about the other resources Mona offers or at the links below:

Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards or Workbook

Newsletter | Instagram | Website | YouTube

Previous Episode

The Impact of Searching for the Right Diagnosis and Not Getting the Support You Need-Mike and Amy Matthews

During this episode with Mike and Amy Matthews you will learn about the challenges this neurodiverse couple experienced trying to find the root cause of Mike's depression and the difficult journey they went on to discover he had been in Autistic burnout for years and didn't know it. (I apologize for the tech glitches we had for about 5 minutes from about 20-25 minutes in.)Some of the topics we discussed are:

How things changed after they had their first child.
How before becoming a parent Mike had created a life that fit his brain.
Little time for special interests after kids were born.
Saw a psychiatrist and went on 5 different antidepressants and none worked.
Loneliness of watching your partner go through this process.
Psychiatrists and therapists said Mike couldn’t be Autistic because he showed “empathy” and could maintain "eye contact".
Relationship challenges after trying to figure out what was happening for about 5 years.
Mike did research on Autism and everything fit.
Went for Autism assessment and the results were that Mike had schizoid personality disorder, but Mike now self identifies as Autistic.
Probably wasn’t depression it was Autistic burnout.
The importance of understanding sensory needs.
Amy tried to enjoy the good days during the process.
The importance of having a partner who wants to do the work.
Creating a neuro-affirming household and family.
Celebrating everyone’s differently wired brains.
Understanding the ways you are different and sharing your needs without guilt.
The importance of having positive role models.
Many in the medical/mental health community do not have the education and knowledge that they need to understand and work with neurodivergent adults.
Contact Amy at [email protected] or click here

If you would like to learn more about the resources Mona offers including the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards & Workbook, the 2023 and 2025 Neurodiverse Love Conference Sessions, support groups for Neurodiverse Couples and for the non-autistic partners, please check out her website.

Next Episode

Changing Your Communication Patterns to Transform Your Relationship (The Birth of the Neurotranslator)-Michael and Elise

If you would like to learn more about the resources Mona offers you can click here. In addition, if you would like to join the new community that Mona is creating for non-autistic/neurotypical partners called "Neurodiverse Love Conversations" click here to register for the 4 week series that will be held every Thursday from June 5th-June 26th from 7-8:30-pm EST (US). The cost is ONLY $149 and each participant will get the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards and Workbook and lifetime access to the 2023 and 2025 Neurodiverse Love Conference sessions.

If you are trying to make sense of how two people could love each other yet repeatedly misunderstand and hurt each other, then this community is for you. If you are repeatedly confused and don't understand why conflict, contempt or stonewalling have become more the norm than the type of connection and attunement you are looking for then this community is where you will find understanding, tools and strategies that can help you work towards achieving more peace and joy in your relationship and life!

Spaces are limited, so if you feel called to join this supportive community I hope you will register today!

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This podcast episode was originally published on Jodi Carlton’s podcast called “YOUR Neurodiverse Relationship” and is a conversation between Jodi Carlton, Mona Kay and Michael Daniel, the developer of the "Neurotranslator" and his wife Elise.

The goal for sharing this episode on the "Neurodiverse Love" podcast is to spread information about the life-changing Neurotranslator app and to highlight the story behind its creator and the challenges he and his wife had been experiencing before learning he was neurodivergent.

The topics addressed in this episode include: