Cultivating Positive Feelings, Affection, Appreciation and Commitment-Guest Co-host Greg Fuqua

02/13/24 • 38 min

If you would like to join the "mixed neurotype" support group that Mona Kay and Jodi Carlton co-facilitate called "Navigating Decisions and Choices in Your Neurodiverse Relationship" you can register at: https://jodicarlton.com/groups/ The cost is ONLY $25 per session and we offer 2 groups (12:30-2PM EST and 6:30-8pm EST) and they both meet on Zoom on the 1st Wednesday of each month. In addition, if you would like to order the digital version of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards ($11) or the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook ($12.97) you can ⁠click here ⁠ Thank you for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community! __________________________________________ During this episode, Greg Fuqua and Mona Kay talk about the different ways mixed neurotype couples can create more positive feelings for each other and how they can find ways to show more affection and appreciation in their relationship. The other topics discussed include: Understanding your partners "owners manual", which includes their history, trauma, what they need for repair after conflict, their neurotype, love language, deficits, strengths, relational trauma and triggers. The importance of reciprocity and mutuality. Remembering that relationships require maintenance. Engaging in small gestures that address each others needs and wants. Preparation and negotiation are important in a mixed neurotype relationship. When your "love tank" is empty it is very easy to have raw and hurtful experiences. Understanding what leads to a culture of appreciation and reciprocity. Healthy internalization rather then toxic externalization. Talk about processes so both partners understand what happened. Being romantic and vulnerable can feel "too much". Alexythymia and love can create "short circuits". Internalizing things can give very little space for interaction with your partner. Being shamed for having intense feelings and how important it is to create safety in your relationship for sharing your feelings and emotions. If you have positive thoughts about your partner...say it! Own what's yours and understand your triggers. Understand and take care of your hurt "parts" and wounds. Take a pause when angry and start with an "I" statement and/or a statement of empathy. If you would like to learn more about the support groups and other resources Mona offers, you can check out her website at: www.neurodiverselove.com If you would like to contact Greg, you can check out his website at: www.gregfuqua.com

Previous Episode

Different Needs for Socializing and Family Time-Guest Co-Host Greg Fuqua

If you would like to join the "mixed neurotype" support group that Mona Kay and Jodi Carlton co-facilitate called "Navigating Your Neurodiverse Relationship" you can register at: https://jodicarlton.com/groups/ The cost is ONLY $25 per session and we offer 2 groups (12:30-2PM EST and 6:30-8pm EST) and they both meet on the 1st Wednesday of each month. In addition, if you would like to order the digital version of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards ($11) or the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook ($12.97) go to www.neurodiverselove.com Thank you for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community! _______________________________________________________ Welcome to Season 7 of the Neurodiverse Love Podcast.

During this episode and many more throughout the season, Greg Fuqua, LMHC is co-hosting the podcast with Mona Kay. This episode is focused on the different needs each partner may have related to socializing and family time. The topics addressed include:
◦ Connection with people when it's within your partners capacity.

◦ Bowing out of planned events and experiencing questioning and disappointment from family members when they don't understand.
◦ Experiencing anxiety when asking for your needs to be met.
◦ When you aren’t “out” to everyone in your family about being neurodivergent.
◦ Having a specific role at family events can be very important to help get connection to self.
◦ The importance of downtime and a transition period.
◦ Understanding what each partner needs during socializing.
◦ Social differences are not deficits.
◦ Plan and prepare beforehand, so you know what is coming and what the expectations are.
◦ Having an exit plan and having support around that is important.
◦ Needing a way for self-soothing, alone time and recovery.
◦ Running late because you may not understand each others needs.
◦ Taking separate cars to an event can be helpful.
◦ Reducing anxiety by planning and preparing together, then debrief after the event to learn what you can each do better in the future.
◦ Including both "open" and "down" time into the socializing event can be helpful. May also want to schedule in time for your partners special interest.
◦ Remember that everyone wants to be seen, known, valued and understood.
◦ Past relational trauma may impact decision making around socializing and date nights.
◦ Family time with kids can also be challenging because the “expectations” may never stop.
◦ Be aware of sensory overload or overstimulation.
◦ Understanding that change of plans may be difficult and lead to anger or irritability.
◦ Develop habits and rituals around communication.
◦ Make sure your autistic partner has time for recovery.
◦ Understand your capacity and how much you can socialize based on the stress you have experienced that day.
If you would like to contact Greg Fuqua, please check out his website at: www.gregfuqua.com

Next Episode

The Couple Dynamic When One Partner is Autistic and the Other is ADHD-Guest Co-Host Greg Fuqua

If you and your partner are looking for ways to improve your communication in your mixed neurotype relationship, then click here to purchase the recorded workshop with Greg Fuqua and Mona Kay titled: "Strategies and Tools for Increasing Healthy and Respectful Communication in Your Neurodiverse Relationship".

The topics that are addressed include: 1) Rituals of Communication. 2) Healthy Communication Structures. 3) Reciprocity and Turn Taking. 4) Perspective Taking and Conflict Resolution. 5) Tools for Communicating Changes Wanted and Needed.

The investment for this workshop is ONLY $97 and each participant will receive a Communication Workbook and a code to purchase the digital version of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards ($11 value) and the digital version of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook ($12.97 value) for only $1 each! _______________________________________________________ During this episode, Greg Fuqua and Mona Kay talk about some of the strengths, challenges and differences that may be present when one partner is Autistic and the other is ADHD. Greg has this dynamic in his marriage and Mona had this dynamic in her 30 year marriage, so they both share a lot of their personal experiences, as well as those they have seen in other couples with these mixed neurotypes. The topics addressed include: Externalized energy vs internalized energy. One partner may be a "bridge" for the other. Differences and overlaps and shared understanding. Anxious pursuer vs avoidant. Timing is the key to find moments to connect. In-depth knowledge vs chasing a new thing. External calm and patience vs lots of outer energy and a desire for change. Having different processing preferences. Ability to jump around vs going deep with one subject. The need for autonomy and freedom or feeling like you have to repress your needs. Understanding emotional dysregulation and self-soothing. Being hyperverbal vs hypoverbal. How knowing each other's neurotypes can help explain why you both may be having challenges. Tracking each others mood and stress and attuning to each other, rather then judging and creating conflict. Valuing each others different processing styles. Understanding unidentified sensitivities. Being vulnerable vs intellectualizing emotions and growing in emotional vulnerability. Focusing on your strengths and connection as a couple can help you rebuild and transform your relationship. If you would like to contact Greg you can email him at [email protected] or check out his website at: www.gregfuqua.com If you would like to learn more about the support groups or other resources that Mona offers, you can check out her website at: www.neurodiverselove.com or email her at: [email protected]