Michelle and Emiliano Part 3 of 3: When Your Kid Is Afraid To Do New Things

05/15/23 • 38 min

Is My Child A Monster? A Parenting Therapy Podcast

This is part three of the three part series with Michelle and Emiliano. In this final session, Leslie coaches them to empower their 10-year-old daughter to become an expert on her own anxiety. For highly anxious and sensitive children, a fun overnight school field trip can feel like a looming nightmare. Parenting children through their anxieties when they are very heightened can be troubling and upsetting for the parents as well. Listen as we unpack the phrase: feel the fear and do it anyway. Join us today as Michelle and Emiliano ask the question over and over again about how much to push and how much to give in. A question parents and caregivers come up against.

Finding ways to expose our children to what makes them anxious in a way that allows them to build up their confidence that they can feel anxious AND do it anyways. Repeatedly exposing your child to uncomfortable situations and helping them push through and succeed will help them towards the path of mastery. Sometimes we may need to think outside the box and get creative in order to find that balance of exposing them but not pushing them too far outside their ability and skill level.

We don’t want to throw our child into the deep end of a pool without the skills to swim. But we also don’t want to avoid the pool all together. This is when we need to balance the art of parenting with the science of parenting. The science in parenting teaches us to develop a hierarchy of step-by-step exposures when conquering a fear. The art of parenting is knowing who your child is and creatively brainstorming the steps to help THEM feel safe and ready to take risks.

I want to thank Michelle and Emilliano for showing up in this final episode in the 3 part series. See you next time with new parents sharing their challenges.

Disclaimer: Exposure therapy is a formal therapeutic treatment modality. I am suggesting that raising children with an informal approach to exposures helps build a sense of accomplishment as well as self-confidence in your child. Parents do this naturally in raising children but understanding what you are doing and having a name for what you are doing is more likely that you can use the tool more effectively.

Show Note Links:

Youtube Video “The Nervous Guy Sings'' as an example of when we can be anxious and do it anyways.
Youtube Video Building Mastery Skill

For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcast/. You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences in the Is My Child a Monster? Facebook parenting community.

Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, Dale Rubury, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music. Public relations is handled by Tink Media. Graphics and Website Design by Brien O'Reilly. Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.

I want to thank Michelle and Emilliano for showing up in this final episode in the 3 part series. See you next time with new parents sharing their challenges.

Show Note Links:

Youtube Video “The Nervous Guy Sings'' as an example of when we can be anxious and do it anyways.
Youtube Video Building Mastery Skill

Previous Episode

Michelle & Emilliano Part 2 of 3: When Your Kid Can't Sleep

This is part two in a three-part series with guests Michelle and Emiliano, whose 10-year-old daughter struggles with severe anxiety. In this session, Leslie reviews the skills from session one to figure out what did and didn’t work to help manage Willow’s anxiety. In this episode, we look at the relationship between parents’ behaviors and the unintended consequences that impact their children and can contribute to things like separation anxiety. Toward the end of this session Leslie “hits a nerve” In other words, she asks some tough questions about the impact of parents’ well-intended actions. Listen as Michelle and Emiliano show us their vulnerability and model what growing as parents can look like.

We live in a society where we expect immediate results. Many parents have the same expectation about raising children. Spoiler alert: parenting is a long-term investment process. In this session Michelle and Emiliano share that some of the skills they used had immediate results — that feels good to all parents. And some skills didn’t get immediate results — that’s the hard part. Hang in there. Have faith in the process. Certain skills don’t show immediate change but under the surface, they are making an impact and will have long-term positive results

To learn more:

Book References:

Our Children Will Raise Us Edited by Eden Steinberg — A compilation of Essays
Don’t Shoot The Dog by Karen Pryor — This is a good resource for understanding behaviorism

Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, Dale Rubury, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music. Public relations is handled by Tink Media. Graphics and website design by Brien O'Reilly. Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.

Next Episode

Tim & Natasha Part 1 of 4: When Your Kid Drives You Crazy

This is part one of the four-part series with Tim and Natasha. In today's episode, we meet Tim and Natasha whose 6-year-old daughter, Rosie, is exhibiting ADHD behaviors in school and at home. Leslie challenges Tim and Natasha to shift their perspective and understanding of their child’s “problematic” behaviors. Feeling confused about how to interpret your child’s behavior is a common feeling of being a parent. What’s “normal” behavior and what is an actual “problem”? This therapy session takes us on an inside look at family dynamics and family patterns as we explore these topics.

For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcast/. You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences in the Is My Child a Monster? Facebook parenting community.

Key Time Stamps:

1:08 Discerning between when a normal behavior is a problem and when a problem behavior is normal
8:36 Which are you? Slow vs quick recovery from emotional situations
11:45 Brief explanation of multiple intelligence theory
15:25 Dealing transitions and shifting attention
18:27 Balancing between respecting who she is and helping her deal with limits
19:25 Managing expectations about the same behaviors at different ages
20:51 Building a muscle of mindfulness
23:23 Managing expectations about the time needed for children to develop these skills
24:17 Behaviorism and nonverbal cueing for changing behavior

Show Note Links:

Click here for more information about the BioSocial Theory

Book Reference:

Howard Gardener: Multiple Intelligence Theory

Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, Dale Rubury, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music. Public relations is handled by Tink Media. Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly. Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.