How to Split a Toaster: A Divorce Podcast About Saving Your Relationships

Preparing for Mediation: What You Need to Know

In this episode of How to Split a Toaster, Seth Nelson and Pete Wright dive into the importance of preparation when it comes to mediation. As part of the season-long series "Your Divorce Case," Seth and Pete aim to equip listeners with the knowledge and tools they need to navigate the mediation process effectively. Next week, they'll be joined by mediator Tami Sbar to discuss the mediation process in depth.

Seth and Pete emphasize the significance of setting realistic expectations for clients and the crucial role of emotional readiness in the mediation process. They discuss the confidential nature of mediation and how it differs from a trial setting. The hosts also highlight the importance of having a solid parenting plan and a clear understanding of financial matters before entering mediation.

Questions we answer in this episode:

• What is mediation, and how does it fit into the court process?
• How can you prepare emotionally and mentally for mediation?
• What should you bring to mediation, and what can you expect during the process?

Key Takeaways:

• Preparation is key to a successful mediation. Draft a parenting plan and gather financial documents beforehand.
• Mediation is confidential, allowing parties to speak freely and explore options without fear of repercussions in court.
• Compromising beyond your comfort level may be necessary, but it's often better than the alternative of going to court.

Plus, we tackle another listener question! In "Fed Up with Frivolous Motions," a listener asks how to deal with a spouse who refuses to mediate and constantly files frivolous motions. Seth suggests requesting a scheduling order from the judge to set deadlines and keep the case moving forward.

This episode is packed with valuable insights and practical advice for anyone preparing for mediation in their divorce case. By listening, you'll gain a better understanding of what to expect, how to prepare, and how to approach the process with the right mindset. Tune in to ensure you're well-equipped for your upcoming mediation session!

Links & Notes

• Schedule a consult with Seth
• Got a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!
• (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster
• (00:26) - Preparing for Mediation
• (01:14) - Setting Realistic Mediation Expectations
• (05:28) - Parenting Plan Mediation
• (09:13) - Getting Emotionally Ready
• (10:23) - Your Day to Talk Freely
• (14:12) - Goals
• (16:28) - What Causes Mediation to Fail
• (18:25) - Long Days
• (21:08) - Buyer’s Remorse
• (25:08) - Last Notes
• (26:28) - Listener Question
• (30:02) - Wrap Up

Seth lost his mom. Pete lost his dad. And both are working through the experience of grief that comes with the impact on their lives and families.

This is not an episode that answers all your grief questions. There are far better topical podcasts with experts to help with that. This show is an exploration of the experience with two guys living through it, and a reflection on how grief — whether from the loss of a beloved family member to the loss of a family through divorce — wrecks havoc on your system, your senses, and your reality. If you’re going through it, we simply want to share: you are not alone.

Thank you for listening along with us this week. As you can imagine, it’s not an easy conversation to have. But if we’ve learned anything in our experience so far, you can’t hide from it. So, here you go… Pete and Seth devoutly not hiding.

Brittany Bliss and Reid Givens each had been married for 19 years to other people before divorcing them. While figuring their new lives out, they met each other and fell in love. Now, almost five years later, they not only are about to get married but also have started a band together. In today’s episode, Brittany and Reid talk with Seth and Pete about lessons learned along the way and how they’re making it work.

They talk about their previous marriages, why they didn’t work, and the divorces. How did that shift what they knew they’d have to do in future relationships? Brittany and Reid share their meet-cute, which is truly adorable. But how challenging is it to not bring you previous marriage’s issues into your new relationship? There’s a lot to learn, and we hear them talk about the the half-life of their previous marriages and how to navigate those elements in their new life together. As Reid says, “Any part of it can bleed into all the rest of it.” How true, how true.

There’s also talk about the magic of pre-defined phrases to use when working through issues. We’ve all heard of safe words. Yeah, that’s essentially what we’re talking about. But, you know, for talking about gripes, issues, irritants and more.

It’s a great conversation about the ups and downs of marriage, divorce, and reconnecting. We haven’t had a couple on before, and we couldn’t have asked for a better pair to be the first. Join us!

Links & Notes

• Get their new album here!
• On Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube
• On Spotify

De-Escalating Conflict

By its very nature, divorce is ripe with conflict. It starts because of conflict, it’s full of conflict all the way through, and often – particularly in cases with children involved – there is still conflict on the other side. Is there an easier way to deal with it? How do you learn the fine art of control in this minefield of conflict?

Joining us on the Toaster today is divorce coach and parent coordinator Cherie Morris. She’s behind DearDivorceCoach.com helping couples actively going through divorce learn to recognize signs of conflict so they can help de-escalate the situation and more easily resolve their problems. It’s a task for sure, but she’s game. And clearly, she knows her stuff.

The conversation starts with looking at areas that are most ripe for conflict – stuff and children. No surprise really. From there, we talk about the challenges of needing control and how to instead survive by being nice, looking at your needs as requests instead of demands, and setting your expectations low.

We look at dealing with the ex who’s a boat anchor and the need to pick your battles. And a big part is learning to free yourself from the need for context.

The big question is who’s bringing the high conflict to the divorce and relationship. How do you know if it’s you? And if it is you, what can you do about it?

It’s a fun and informative conversation with Cherie, so tune in and get ready to de-escalate.

Links & Notes

• Dear Divorce Coach website
• Cherie’s one-pager on how to de-escalate co-parenting in high conflict situations
• Cherie on LinkedIn, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, & YouTube
• Cherie’s Books

How do you heal after living through the trauma of divorce? How do you help your kids heal when they live through their own experience of your trauma? Whether you consider yours an easy divorce, or a hard one, the act of separating lives is traumatic, and the impact of trauma can sneak up on you.

As we wrap up this season of the show, we want to take some time to talk about that healing process and we have the perfect guest to help us do that. Dee Wallace is an actor and a healer, and she’s spent the last twenty years of her career in channeled healing work. She is an advocate and teacher in the art of self-creation and the author of five books on the subject. She’s also been divorced more than once and knows a thing or two about healing through trauma herself.

As an actor, you might have seen one of her more than 260 credits including E.T., Cujo, The Howling, and on, and on, and on. What’s more, her most important role is as “Mom” to Toaster alum Gabrielle Stone, who taught us all about her divorce experience in Eat, Pray, #FML.

Dee’s career and relationship stories make for an incredible conversation and we’re deeply grateful for her time, participation, and joy in the Toaster this week.

We’re setting up for a short break as we head into the holiday season and will be replaying a few of our favorite episodes over the next month or so, but we’ll be back with new episodes in February. We’re grateful for this community, and all of you out there working to save your most important relationships. On behalf of all of us on Team Toaster — Seth, Pete, Andy, Melissa, Ken, and Karolynn — we wish you a happy holiday season full of peace, love, and joy.