De-Escalating Conflict with Divorce Coach Cherie Morris
04/05/22 • 37 min
De-Escalating Conflict
By its very nature, divorce is ripe with conflict. It starts because of conflict, it’s full of conflict all the way through, and often – particularly in cases with children involved – there is still conflict on the other side. Is there an easier way to deal with it? How do you learn the fine art of control in this minefield of conflict?
Joining us on the Toaster today is divorce coach and parent coordinator Cherie Morris. She’s behind DearDivorceCoach.com helping couples actively going through divorce learn to recognize signs of conflict so they can help de-escalate the situation and more easily resolve their problems. It’s a task for sure, but she’s game. And clearly, she knows her stuff.
The conversation starts with looking at areas that are most ripe for conflict – stuff and children. No surprise really. From there, we talk about the challenges of needing control and how to instead survive by being nice, looking at your needs as requests instead of demands, and setting your expectations low.
We look at dealing with the ex who’s a boat anchor and the need to pick your battles. And a big part is learning to free yourself from the need for context.
The big question is who’s bringing the high conflict to the divorce and relationship. How do you know if it’s you? And if it is you, what can you do about it?
It’s a fun and informative conversation with Cherie, so tune in and get ready to de-escalate.
Links & Notes
- Dear Divorce Coach website
- Cherie’s one-pager on how to de-escalate co-parenting in high conflict situations
- Cherie on LinkedIn, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, & YouTube
- Cherie’s Books
De-Escalating Conflict
By its very nature, divorce is ripe with conflict. It starts because of conflict, it’s full of conflict all the way through, and often – particularly in cases with children involved – there is still conflict on the other side. Is there an easier way to deal with it? How do you learn the fine art of control in this minefield of conflict?
Joining us on the Toaster today is divorce coach and parent coordinator Cherie Morris. She’s behind DearDivorceCoach.com helping couples actively going through divorce learn to recognize signs of conflict so they can help de-escalate the situation and more easily resolve their problems. It’s a task for sure, but she’s game. And clearly, she knows her stuff.
The conversation starts with looking at areas that are most ripe for conflict – stuff and children. No surprise really. From there, we talk about the challenges of needing control and how to instead survive by being nice, looking at your needs as requests instead of demands, and setting your expectations low.
We look at dealing with the ex who’s a boat anchor and the need to pick your battles. And a big part is learning to free yourself from the need for context.
The big question is who’s bringing the high conflict to the divorce and relationship. How do you know if it’s you? And if it is you, what can you do about it?
It’s a fun and informative conversation with Cherie, so tune in and get ready to de-escalate.
Links & Notes
- Dear Divorce Coach website
- Cherie’s one-pager on how to de-escalate co-parenting in high conflict situations
- Cherie on LinkedIn, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, & YouTube
- Cherie’s Books
Previous Episode
De-Escalating Conflict with Divorce Coach Cherie Morris
De-Escalating Conflict
By its very nature, divorce is ripe with conflict. It starts because of conflict, it’s full of conflict all the way through, and often – particularly in cases with children involved – there is still conflict on the other side. Is there an easier way to deal with it? How do you learn the fine art of control in this minefield of conflict?
Joining us on the Toaster today is divorce coach and parent coordinator Cherie Morris. She’s behind DearDivorceCoach.com helping couples actively going through divorce learn to recognize signs of conflict so they can help de-escalate the situation and more easily resolve their problems. It’s a task for sure, but she’s game. And clearly, she knows her stuff.
The conversation starts with looking at areas that are most ripe for conflict – stuff and children. No surprise really. From there, we talk about the challenges of needing control and how to instead survive by being nice, looking at your needs as requests instead of demands, and setting your expectations low.
We look at dealing with the ex who’s a boat anchor and the need to pick your battles. And a big part is learning to free yourself from the need for context.
The big question is who’s bringing the high conflict to the divorce and relationship. How do you know if it’s you? And if it is you, what can you do about it?
It’s a fun and informative conversation with Cherie, so tune in and get ready to de-escalate.
Links & Notes
- Dear Divorce Coach website
- Cherie’s one-pager on how to de-escalate co-parenting in high conflict situations
- Cherie on LinkedIn, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, & YouTube
- Cherie’s Books
- (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster
- (00:27) - Meet Cherie Morris
- (01:18) - Biggest Triggers
- (03:59) - Counseling Both Sides
- (06:08) - Power Dynamics & Agreements
- (09:56) - Tools for Life
- (11:24) - BIFF Method
- (13:59) - Learning to Communicate
- (17:32) - The Boat Anchor
- (19:58) - Picking Your Battles
- (21:57) - Freeing Yourself From the Need for Context
- (25:35) - Child-Centric
- (28:32) - Are You High Conflict?
- (31:00) - When Not to Counsel
- (33:08) - Wrapping Up
Next Episode
Codependent No More! with Licensed Mental Health Counselor Mary Joye
Pathological Altruism
Co-dependency, or pathological altruism as we like to call it, is unhealthy in marriage, but how do you know it’s there? It can turn a once healthy marriage into a bad one and often leads to divorce. How does co-dependency affect marriage and divorce? And how do you figure out if you’re co-dependent or part of the problem?
On today’s show, we have Mary Joye, licensed mental health counselor and Florida Supreme Court Certified Family Mediator, joining us to talk about co-dependency, divorce, recovery, and more. It’s hard to break that trauma bond, as Mary points out. So what can you do to recognize yourself as being pathological altruistic? How does co-dependency rear its ugly head during marriage? Divorce? Mediation? And how do you avoid going down the same roads later in life? Mary talks to us about the challenges of becoming self-aware, but how important it is in making it to the other side of co-dependency. Tune in!
Links & Notes
- Mary’s book Codependent Discovery and Recovery 2.0: A Holistic Guide to Healing and Freeing Yourself
- Winter Haven Counseling
- Mary on LinkedIn, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube
- Mary’s Author Page
- Mary’s Course ‘From Codependent to Independent’
- (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster
- (00:26) - Meet Mary Joye
- (01:40) - What Is Co-Dependency?
- (04:10) - DSM 5
- (05:25) - Co-Dependence & Marriage
- (07:31) - The Fog of Co-Dependency
- (08:55) - Signs of Trauma Bonds
- (13:09) - Co-Dependence in the Divorce Process
- (14:11) - Waking Up
- (15:24) - Deconstructing / Reconstructing
- (18:51) - Do Opposites Attract?
- (20:20) - Sponsor: Soberlink
- (21:53) - The Divorce Process
- (31:08) - Demeanor Post-Divorce
- (32:40) - Danger of Repeating
- (35:01) - Make a List
- (36:48) - Fighting For You
- (38:08) - Example of Self-Destructive Behavior
- (41:25) - Mediation and Co-Dependence
- (48:25) - Wrapping Up
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