005: We Are Not Our Kids, Playing Inside vs. Outside, Parenting Pet-Peeves

01/28/19 • 29 min

Rebekah brings up a quote “Dear God please let me not raise the child that I was, or the child I wish I had, but let me raise the child that I have”...It had never crossed her mind that she might try to raise her kids as if they were just like her growing up. Ryan and Rebekah discuss the idea of not projecting personal context on our kids. Just because they are our offspring, it does not mean they will be just like us and experience the same things the same way we did. It is important to utilize personal context and experience, but to make sure to remember that our children are different people. For Rebekah, this means that she needs to pay more attention to each kid and analyze each situation in it’s own merit.

Ryan digs into some internet memes on parenting which brings up some personal reflection moments on how Ryan used to be an “arm-chair-parent” before having kids.

Ryan talks about a great piece of advice somebody gave him to keep sane while parenting: “Establish a consequence and follow through if the child disobeys”. In other words, warn them they are going to get a time out, and if the child disobeys, give them a time out...no drama....Sort of. Ryan and Rebekah talk about the reality of following through on this advice.

[11:20] Playing Inside vs. outside.

This is different for Ryan because he as at work all day and Rebekah is home all day with the kids. Rebekah was noticing that when Liam is inside, he does imaginative play, but it’s very short lived and jumps from project to project. She notices when they go outside, his attention span increases. Ryan notices that he can go “forever” outside. He finds creative things (leaves, sticks, bugs) to play with.

Ryan brings up an article from psychology today that talks about the brain development advantages of playing outside. [Source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/moral-landscapes/201404/whats-better-indoor-or-outdoor-play]

We live in a second story apartment, so it is harder to go outside. Especially because we are so tired all the time and we can’t let Liam go run outside by himself. If we had a backyard, it would be much easier. It’s city life, which is different than how we grew up as kids. Rebekah talks about what it was like growing up in her home.

Ryan points out that there is a thing called “Nature Deficit Disorder” (according to Psychology Today article).

Ryan and Rebekah share experiences of playing outside when they were kids. We also grew up before video games were a thing.

The challenge for Rebekah and Ryan is: What do you do when you are too tired??

[22:00] Parenting Pet Peeves

Being constantly tired is a major parenting pet peeve. We ask the audience to share their advice in the comments.

Ryan struggles with being patient. This is a personal pet peeve for him. He wants things to happen quickly and struggles to let Liam jump in and help —which takes longer.

Bekah does not like “mom-chit-chat”. It can feel like comparison between moms which is frustrating. Ryan loves “mom-chit-chat” conversations...

Conclusion: we are all wired differently. We need to be the best version of who we are, so our kids can be the best version of who they are!

Ryan digs into some internet memes on parenting which brings up some personal reflection moments on how Ryan used to be an “arm-chair-parent” before having kids.

[11:20] Playing Inside vs. outside.

Ryan points out that there is a thing called “Nature Deficit Disorder” (according to Psychology Today article).

Ryan and Rebekah share experiences of playing outside when they were kids. We also grew up before video games were a thing.

The challenge for Rebekah and Ryan is: What do you do when you are too tired??

[22:00] Parenting Pet Peeves

Being constantly tired is a major parenting pet peeve. We ask the audience to share their advice in the comments.

Ryan struggles with being patient. This is a personal pet peeve for him. He wants things to happen quickly and struggles to let Liam jump in and help —which takes longer.

Bekah does not like “mom-chit-chat”. It can feel like comparison between moms which is frustrating. Ryan loves “mom-chit-chat” conversations...

Conclusion: we are all wired differently. We need to be the best version of who we are, so our kids can be the best version of who they are!

Previous Episode

004: Bedtime Routines, Plans vs. Needs, and Being Intentional

Normally Ryan takes our 3-Year-Old Liam out for a walk every night in the stroller on a “Daddy Date”. They run some errands, grab some groceries, then by the time they get home, Liam is asleep. No drama. Zero wrestling.

We recently returned from a trip, where we had been able to get Liam to lay down and go to sleep in a new bed without the stroller ride. Now back in LA, we are seeing if we can transition to this new routine at home!

At first it did not go over very well. Liam broke down into tears because he wanted to go on the “Daddy-Date”. The next night, we decided to prep him ahead of time and let him know how the bed time routine was going to go. And it worked!

Ryan did have to wrestle through several delay tactics— multiple trips to the bathroom. Including one trip where he had a “poop” family which he named after mommy and daddy. Flattering.

Ryan started to get frustrated that Liam would not go to sleep. He would not get off the toilet. Rebekah suggests bribing him off with chocolate...right before bedtime...

Rebekah shares how she let Liam get himself dressed for bed by himself, which gave him ownership of the bedtime process. Win!

We discuss how Rebekah is way more patient than Ryan. As a kid, she used to sit until humming birds would land on her. Ryan tells a story about how they lured squirrels to their back door with nuts. Which was great until one bit his grandmother. Squirrels are not your friend.

*** We have to take a small break due to a crying baby ***

We are still learning how to pivot when we have plans but our kids have needs. Plans vs. Needs....a non-stop issue that we need to adjust to.

There is a culture out there that says our kids are in the way of us having a great life. We are excited to have our kids and we are trying to figure out how to do life with them.

Sometimes we have grownup things we need to take care of. Ryan could work from home, but does not, because it would be more difficult for Liam who would not understand why dad can’t pay attention to him.

Rebekah is launching a new company called “Your Generous Home” (www.yourgeneroushome.com). This would potentially allow for our family to spend more time together.

Rebekah and Ryan are both type B personalities, so it is easy to want kick back and relax and let things happen. We have to choose to be intentional and give our children the attention they deserve. We have to be intentional as parents with our time. Sometimes that means we do things along side our kids, sometimes that means we do it on our own. That could mean finding space outside of home, or even staying up late.

We are young in our marriage with young kids (we’ve been married almost 6 years) and we are still learning what is important to us. Ryan talks about how “Freedom” is important to him. He values the ability to choose what to do with his time. It’s not where we are, but what we are working toward. We are still learning how to re-adjust and be flexible.

Send us your questions or leave comments. We want to hear your experiences as parents!

Next Episode

006: Public Bathrooms (“DON’T TOUCH THAT!”), and Work vs. Home Life

We are potty trained! Ryan tries to pull off a terrible dad joke. Boooo.....

Unintended consequences of potty training: using public bathrooms. —using the toilet is great at home.. its our bathroom. its our toilet. Public Bathroom: Not so much. We went to IKEA today and Liam had to go 4 times. Ryan shares his harrowing experiences taking Liam into the bathroom which involves a lot of shouting “Don’t touch that...DONT TOUCH THAT!!!!”

When a toddler tells you “I have to go potty” they have to go potty, RIGHT NOW. Ryan talks about dealing with disgusting toilet seats in the public bathroom. Which ended up with Ryan cleaning the toilet seat off with his bare hands....yep. It’s tempting to just have Liam put on a pull-up...but we don’t. That would be traumatic.

Liam hates the hand driers. Bekah talks about how they recycle “Poo-particles” into the air. Disgusting.

Work Vs. Homelife:

We are still in the early phases of parenthood. Figuring out the balance of family vs. work can be a challenge. We need to figure out how to be intentional with everything.

Ryan feels the limitation of hours in the day. Ryan talks about why he does not work from home even though he can. It’s important for him to separate home life from work life.

The frustrating thing is that Ryan ’s best hours are spent on work, and he feels like the kids and family get second best. It’s tough, and we do not know necissarily how to change it.

Ryan asks Rebekah how it affects her.

Rebekah talks about how she spends the majority of her time serving the needs of her family. She does not have the “perceived” freedom that some might think.

Bekah talks about how she has been seeking out valuable input. Trying to figure out how to make the parenting experience meaningful, and “not just getting through it”. This is her life’s work.

Rebekah is starting a new venture: Your Generous Home [LINK]

The most difficult part of Ryan not being around during the day: Not having someone on her level around to talk to (she is with kids all day).

So Rebekah has been finding different women on instagram (bloggers) who are putting out solid, positive empowering advice. The big things she is coming across is “simplifying your life, so you can be more intentional with your motherhood. And How do you integrate your work life and your family life as a mother

Phylicia Masonheimer Website: https://phyliciamasonheimer.com Instagram: @phyliciamasonheimer

Phylicia is a very well put together woman who is doing a lot of things with 2 toddlers. She credits her success to a lifelong fascination with productivity.

Ryan and Rebekah talk about how “working” happens at the office and at home. Work has developed a negative connotation. Traditionally work is trading time for money. But work is ultimately something you can find meaning from.

Rebekah talks about how “achievement” kind of work that we are compensated for that we value over home-life or we feel like victims of the system — which we are not. Ultimately we have to make choices on what we are going to focus on.

Ryan talks about how It’s important to make choices about what is important and what you will spend your time on. Does your job allow you to be available to your family? It’s a conversation we are constantly having and wrestling with. It’s a real struggle.

Bekah is working out processes in her life to make home-life more successful.

One great resources is Allie Casazza

Allie Casazza Website: http://alliecasazza.com/Instagram: @allie_thatsme

Minimalism saved Allie’s motherhood. When you let go of the things you don’t need, it gives you more time for your family.

LINK: How Getting Rid of My Stuff Saved My Motherhood by Allie Casazza

Rebekah talks about a study that Allie brought up that gets into the science of clutter in the house raising the stress levels of women. Ryan talks about how clutter shuts him down and makes him less present with the kids.

There is a movement of “New Homemakers” helping women redefine homemaking in positive ways.

Add your comments and tell us your stories and feedback!! How do you balance work vs. home-life? Any crazy pubic bathroom stories -- please share!! We might even add it to the show (with your permission of course!) Listen to the podcast at: Apple Podcasts: