Diary, She Wrote

Having spent time dating Jack, which had been the closest thing to a relationship for me in 5 years. It had made me realise that when I do meet the right person, it’s likely I will want kids to be part of our future. There is endless research you can do when it comes to learning about the fertility of women at various stages of their life. But The British Fertility Society says that ‘At birth, most girls have about 2 million eggs, at adolescence that number has gone down to about 400,000 and at age 37 there remain about 25,000. As I was approaching 36 I made the decision to use my savings to freeze my eggs.

And by no means is freezing your eggs a guarantee of conception, but it does act as a little security blanket. For me, the entire process lasted about 4 months, my clinic closely monitored my menstrual cycles, there were endless blood tests and scans, they prescribed the relevant medication to first get my hormones to the optimum level and to then stimulate my egg growth. I had to inject my own medication and the closer it got to my egg removal date, the more I had to do, some days I’d have 2 blood tests and I’d do 3 injections at various points throughout the day. It was an upheaval on my body, both physically and mentally.

Reading back it was quite a tricky time to reflect on, I was suddenly acutely aware and envious of my friends developing family situations and I think this was one of the loneliest points of my 30’s and where my desire to meet someone was at its peak.

The episode is taken from a 5 month period from Sept 2017 - Feb 2018. You will hear me repeat the last day from Episode 1 - Dexter Turner as the stories cross over the same time period.

Follow Instagram for more extracts from my Diaries: https://www.instagram.com/diaryshewrote/

Key Characters:

Jack - An amazing man who I dated for 2 months

Beth - My best mate

Willow - One of my best mates who I met in my single years

Grace - One of my best mates who I met in my single years

Dawn, Tim - Some of my oldest friends

Simone, Faith, Heather, Chloe, Mel - London friends

Mum - Family

Todd - A guy I dated

Dexter Turner - A guy who briefly entered and quickly exited my life on a number of occasions and unjustifiably has become one of those people who is hard to shake off and annoyingly someone I’m quite fond of.

Locations:

Columbia Road Flower Market
http://www.columbiaroad.info/

Wilton’s Music Hall
https://www.wiltons.org.uk/

Crooked Billet
https://e5crookedbillet.co.uk/

Prince George
https://theprincegeorgepub.co.uk/

House of Hackney
https://www.houseofhackney.com/

Goodhood
https://goodhoodstore.com/

Cultural References:

Grenfell Tower
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-40301289

International Women’s Day
https://www.internationalwomensday.com/

Entertainment References:

Notting Hill Carnival
https://www.thelondonnottinghillcarnival.com/

Happn
https://www.happn.com/en/

Les Enfants Terribles:
https://lesenfantsterribles.co.uk/

Three Billboards Outside Ebbing Missouri
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Three_Billboards_Outside_Ebbing,_Missouri

Medical References:

ARGC Egg Freezing Clinic:
https://argc.co.uk/

Chlamydia
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/chlamydia/

STI
https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/sexual-health/visiting-an-sti-clinic/

AMH:
https://www.createfertility.co.uk/fertility-diagnosis/amh

NHS:
https://www.nhs.uk/

IVF Treatment
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/ivf/availability/

Diary, She Wrote was produced by Liz Beardsell in partnership with Bird Lime Media with original music by Ethan Illingworth.

Despite keeping a diary, I don’t remember all of the first dates I’ve been on, but I do remember my first Tinder date and the story that followed. This is a short story about wrong decisions from both parties, but it’s an important one to share. I faced a similar situation a year later and once again it wasn’t dealt with in the right way but the third time it happened in 2018 the world had changed and I felt comfortable expressing my decision.

Follow Instagram for more extracts from my Diaries: https://www.instagram.com/diaryshewrote/

Key Characters:

James - A guy I dated

Isaac - A London friend and the first man I fancied after ending an 11 year relationship

Jared - A one night stand

Harry - A guy I dated

Julian - A guy I dated

Rowan - One of my best mates I met in my single years

Beth - My best mate

Dan - My ex boyfriend who I spent 11 years with from 2001 - 2012

Eric - A guy I dated

Locations:

White Hart
https://whitehartstokenewington.com/

The Victoria
http://www.jaguarshoes.com/venue/the-victoria/

Ace Hotel
https://www.acehotel.com/london/

The Duke Of Wellington
https://www.frontierpubs.co.uk/your-local/duke-of-wellington-dalston-pub/

Cultural References:

Tippi Hedren - The Birds
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tippi_Hedren

Entertainment References:

Tinder
https://tinder.com/?lang=en-GB

Breaking Bad
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Breaking_Bad

Little Mix - Shout Out to My Ex
https://open.spotify.com/album/4TvPWe1vbrh0hozmCoSFRI

Diary, She Wrote was produced by Liz Beardsell in partnership with Bird Lime Media with original music by Ethan Illingworth

On 31st December 1998 I met a guy called Macey from the year above me at school. I go on to talk about Macey for 116 of the 365 days of 1999. If I heard he was going out, I would go out, I would sit at home imagining he would call my landline, despite him not having my phone number, I learnt his lesson plan and knew that when I walked along the school path between my Psychology and Art classes I would pass him. Every time I would prepare myself to look up, lock eye contact and smile, it’s a simple concept, it makes you look more attractive, but, every time I would fail.

Macey plays a big role in this story, but this is really all about a 17 year old who wants to be noticed, I wanted people to call me pretty, I wanted people to describe me as fun, I wanted people to recognise how hard I worked, I wanted to be rewarded with the role of house captain for my sporting achievements, I wanted to be patted on the back for organising a charity fashion show, and embarrassingly I wanted people to notice my family's wealth.

As I’m 17 I am lazy and use the word ‘cos’ instead of ‘because,’ my writing is quite chaotic and I am also very unaware of my white privilege. I was brought up in a white middle class area, a bubble of security. I’m ashamed to say I thought it was normal to live in a semi detached house, to have annual family holidays, to never have to think about where the next meal was coming from. When I went to university I began to understand that this was not the case, but it still took me a good 10 years to really start to unpick this. I’ve learnt from friends I’ve met along the way, I’ve learnt from reading, listening, following activists and I still have a lot to learn.

Follow Instagram for more extracts from my Diaries: https://www.instagram.com/diaryshewrote/

Key Characters:

Macey - My school crush

Beth - My best mate

Lily, Holly, Georgie, Ashley, Erica, Susie, Ben - Some of my oldest friends

Polly - A friend at school

Mum, Dad - Family

Annabelle - Macey’s school crush

Kev - Another school crush

Locations:

Wetherspoons Cheadle Hulme
https://www.greatukpubs.co.uk/kings-tap-cheadle-hulme?utm_source=google&utm_medium=local_seo_gmb&utm_content=website

Governors House
https://www.greeneking-pubs.co.uk/pubs/cheshire/governors-house/

Zest, Wilmslow
Now closed down

Surrey Institute of Art & Design
https://www.uca.ac.uk/

Bar Med, Manchester
Now closed down

Pizza Express
https://www.pizzaexpress.com/

Renaissance
Now closed down

Cultural References:

UCAS
https://www.ucas.com/

Entertainment References:

Saving Private Ryan
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saving_Private_Ryan

Shakespeare In Love
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shakespeare_in_Love

There’s Something About Mary
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/There's_Something_About_Mary

Prince, 1999
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1999_(Prince_album)

S Club 7
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/S_Club_7

Five
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Five_(group)

Seven
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seven_(1995_film)

Robbie Williams
https://www.robbiewilliams.com/

White Men Can’t Jump
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_Men_Can't_Jump

Bridge Over Troubled Water by Simon & Garfunkel
https://open.spotify.com/album/0JwHz5SSvpYWuuCNbtYZoV

Gatecrasher
https://www.gatecrasher.com/

Kylie Minogue
https://www.kylie.com/

Ally McBeal
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ally_McBeal

Now and Then
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Now_and_Then_(film)

Diary, She Wrote was pr...

This week's episode is taken from April 2014 and is about the highs and the lows of dating in London. Dating apps were just beginning to really take off, but it wasn’t rare to still meet people in real life. This story features another guy who plays a big role in my life, but of course when I first met him, I didn’t know the impact he was going to have and I love that I have my first impression of him captured in my diary.

Follow Instagram for more extracts from my Diaries: https://www.instagram.com/diaryshewrote/

Key Characters:

Ashlee, Lily, Dawn, Tim - Some of my oldest friends

Beth - My best mate

Eric Taylor - The God who solved my vaginismus

Heather, Brittany, Jacob, Katie, Matt, Atlas, Caroline, Dillon, Adina, Dave, James, Mick, Marie - London friends

Sam - A guy I dated

Dan - My ex boyfriend who I spent 11 years with from 2001 - 2012

Rowan - One of my best mates who I met in my single years

Mum - Family

Isaac - A London friend and the first man I fancied after ending my 11 year relationship

Johnny - A one night stand

Locations:

The Spurstowe Arms
http://www.thespurstowearms.com/

The Prince George
http://www.theprincegeorgepub.co.uk/

Voodoo Rays
http://voodoorays.com/

Royal Free Hospital
https://www.royalfree.nhs.uk/

Floyd’s
Restaurant on Shacklewell Lane, Hackney, now closed

Towpath Cafe
https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Towpath-Cafe/118939978161114

Shacklewell Arms
http://www.shacklewellarms.com/

HBV Dalston
https://www.hackneyicare.org.uk/kb5/hackney/asch/service.page?id=WV1aOPYUtQ0

Euston Station
https://www.nationalrail.co.uk/stations_destinations/eus.aspx

Trangallan
https://www.trangallan.com/

Scolt Head
https://www.thescolthead.co.uk/

Efes
Snooker Club on Stoke Newington Road, now closed

The Alibi
Club on Kingsland High Street, now closed

Rita’s Dining
https://www.ritasdining.com/

Oslo
http://oslohackney.com/

Dalston Kingsland Centre
http://www.kingslandshopping.com/

Entertainment References:

Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin consciously uncouple after 10 years of marriage
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/shortcuts/2014/mar/26/conscious-uncoupling-gwyneth-paltrow-chris-martin-separation

The Grand Budapest Hotel
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Grand_Budapest_Hotel

The Ice Bucket Challenge
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ice_Bucket_Challenge

Tinder
https://tinder.com

David Gandy
https://www.instagram.com/davidgandy_official/?hl=en

Jack Guiness
https://www.instagram.com/jackguinness/?hl=en

Alexa Chung
https://www.instagram.com/alexachung/?hl=en

Friday Night Lights
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Friday_Night_Lights_(TV_series)

Glastonbury
https://www.glastonburyfestivals.co.uk/

Medical References:

Vaginismus
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/vaginismus/

Diary, She Wrote was produced by Liz Beardsell, and edited and engineered by Ethan Illingworth

If you’ve listened to the other 23 episodes of Diary, She Wrote, you may have picked up on some of my insecurities. These mainly centre around not feeling intelligent enough and not talking enough in social situations. After a therapy session and with the therapists comments in mind I read back over my time at school and it became obvious how year after year my school’s class rating system and some teachers' comments were no doubt partly responsible for installing my perception of my intelligence which in turn impacts my confidence when it comes to talking up in social situations. I had been aware of my insecurities all my life but they only really started to surface and to become a hindrance in my mid 30’s, so in order to try and figure out how to better deal with them I went to see said therapist.

Follow: https://www.instagram.com/diaryshewrote/

Key Characters:

Rowan - One of my best mates who I met in my single years

Flossie, Ryan, Nina & Cara - London friends

Paula - My therapist

Dan - My ex boyfriend who I spent 11 years with from 2001 - 2012

Eric - A guy I dated

Diary, She Wrote was produced by Liz Beardsell in partnership with Bird Lime Media with original music by Ethan Illingworth and artwork by Robbie Porter.