290. Helping Kids Navigate Grief and Loss (with Annie F. Downs)
02/11/25 • 45 min
I loved getting to have Annie F. Downs back on the podcast again! Annie’s new children’s book, Where Did TJ Go?, was written as a practical resource to help kids better understand and process grief.
Grief can be a heavy topic, but this episode isn’t all dark and gloomy, trust me! We start out with a funny discussion on Bone Broth Hot Cocoa (yes, for real!) and how to not have it taste like chocolate beef. Plus, protein and getting older and even menopause. 🙂
And then we move to Annie sharing her unexpected journey of writing this book and walking the road of losing her precious nephew, TJ. I appreciate Annie sharing so openly about the deep loss and challenges and also the beautiful moments of TJ’s life. We discuss how to better love others who are going through grief and loss and some of the hardest parts of this experience for Annie personally.
This is truly an emotional yet uplifting conversation that reminds us all of the importance of holding space for both grief and joy and supporting each other through life’s most difficult moments and you will not want to miss this conversation. I also highly recommend Annie’s new book, Where Did TJ Go?: A Book for Kids on Grief and Loss!
In This Episode [0:35] – I welcome my friend Anne F. Downs back to the show! [1:45] – Annie shares having mistakenly bought the wrong bone broth for a hot chocolate recipe, resulting in beef flavored hot cocoa. 🙂 [7:25] – Cottage cheese, protein, good intentions, and menopause. [9:06] – The inspiration behind Where Did TJ Go? [11:53] – Unable to find resources for grieving children, Annie wrote Where Did TJ Go? for her nephew Sam, TJ’s brother. [14:39] – TJ miraculously survived for 56 days! Annie shares some of his life and memories with him. [20:06] – I talk about losing two siblings as a child. [23:03] – Annie points out some beautiful things illustrator Jenny Poh included in the book. [25:35] – I compare The Hope of Heaven to Where Did TJ Go?, appreciating their shared message of hope. [29:36] – Annie reflects on having signed over 300 bookplates in loving memory and recognizing families’ need for remembering their loved ones by name. [31:49] – Annie sees how TJ’s death reshaped her family and her perspective. [34:30] – Hear how grief overwhelmed Annie after TJ’s death but that writing the book helped her process it. [37:07] – Although she is still grieving, Annie finds healing in writing and trusting that pain can have a purpose. [40:22] – It’s important to continually check on grieving friends, even years after the loss. [42:04] – Comparing TJ to a friend’s child was difficult, but the book’s personal details bring comfort.Links & Resources
The Crystal Paine Show – 246. The Best Way to Encourage Your Single Friends
Books
I loved getting to have Annie F. Downs back on the podcast again! Annie’s new children’s book, Where Did TJ Go?, was written as a practical resource to help kids better understand and process grief.
Grief can be a heavy topic, but this episode isn’t all dark and gloomy, trust me! We start out with a funny discussion on Bone Broth Hot Cocoa (yes, for real!) and how to not have it taste like chocolate beef. Plus, protein and getting older and even menopause. 🙂
And then we move to Annie sharing her unexpected journey of writing this book and walking the road of losing her precious nephew, TJ. I appreciate Annie sharing so openly about the deep loss and challenges and also the beautiful moments of TJ’s life. We discuss how to better love others who are going through grief and loss and some of the hardest parts of this experience for Annie personally.
This is truly an emotional yet uplifting conversation that reminds us all of the importance of holding space for both grief and joy and supporting each other through life’s most difficult moments and you will not want to miss this conversation. I also highly recommend Annie’s new book, Where Did TJ Go?: A Book for Kids on Grief and Loss!
In This Episode [0:35] – I welcome my friend Anne F. Downs back to the show! [1:45] – Annie shares having mistakenly bought the wrong bone broth for a hot chocolate recipe, resulting in beef flavored hot cocoa. 🙂 [7:25] – Cottage cheese, protein, good intentions, and menopause. [9:06] – The inspiration behind Where Did TJ Go? [11:53] – Unable to find resources for grieving children, Annie wrote Where Did TJ Go? for her nephew Sam, TJ’s brother. [14:39] – TJ miraculously survived for 56 days! Annie shares some of his life and memories with him. [20:06] – I talk about losing two siblings as a child. [23:03] – Annie points out some beautiful things illustrator Jenny Poh included in the book. [25:35] – I compare The Hope of Heaven to Where Did TJ Go?, appreciating their shared message of hope. [29:36] – Annie reflects on having signed over 300 bookplates in loving memory and recognizing families’ need for remembering their loved ones by name. [31:49] – Annie sees how TJ’s death reshaped her family and her perspective. [34:30] – Hear how grief overwhelmed Annie after TJ’s death but that writing the book helped her process it. [37:07] – Although she is still grieving, Annie finds healing in writing and trusting that pain can have a purpose. [40:22] – It’s important to continually check on grieving friends, even years after the loss. [42:04] – Comparing TJ to a friend’s child was difficult, but the book’s personal details bring comfort.Links & Resources
The Crystal Paine Show – 246. The Best Way to Encourage Your Single Friends
Books
Previous Episode
289. Lessons Learned from 22 Years of Marriage and 20 Years of Parenting
January has truly felt longer than ever, and in this episode, Jesse and I are back to reflect on the wild start to our year. From celebrating 22 years of marriage and 20 years of parenting to taking on unexpected challenges (including a basketball injury that led to a surprise concussion diagnosis and a late-night flood in our home), we have really had no shortage of adventures!
Listen in as we share what we learned from Silas’s recovery process, how Tennessee’s concussion laws helped us with his school accommodations, and why this experience gave us a fresh perspective on parenting, patience, and gratitude.
We also touch upon an unexpected upside to our household flood (my decluttering goal for the year got a big boost!) and discuss a book that has deeply challenged me to rethink family rhythms and intentional parenting. Jesse also shares what he has been reading lately, from Civil War history to a fascinating biography about former president Teddy Roosevelt.
Since big milestones naturally bring about reflection, Jesse and I also take a moment to look back on our marriage and how we have grown over the years - what we have learned about communication, grace, and the little things that keep a relationship strong, even when there is chaos! Whether you are here to hear us share some life updates, book recommendations, or just a little encouragement, we hope that you will take away something meaningful in today’s episode!
In This Episode
[0:35] - We are reflecting on 22 years of marriage and 20 years of parenting!
[2:29] - Silas suffered a basketball accident, requiring hospital visits and later revealing concussion symptoms.
[4:10] - Hear how Silas struggled with a math quiz, leading to a concussion diagnosis and recovery restrictions.
[5:39] - Silas struggled with boredom during recovery but was ultimately cleared for school with accommodations.
[8:33] - Hear how a bathroom flood accelerated my decluttering goal, though we had to discard many items.
[10:42] - We are grateful for minimal damage after the flood, again having used it as an opportunity to declutter.
[12:57] - Jesse has struggled to resume reading but has enjoyed historical fiction, especially books on Civil War battles.
[14:52] - I am enjoying the book Habits of the Household and find it challenging and convicting in family rhythms.
[17:00] - I appreciate the book’s flexible approach to family rhythms, focusing on intentionality and grace.
[18:67] - We segue into parenthood, with Jesse expressing that parenting lessons must be learned through experience, not advice or hindsight.
[19:35] - David’s progress has helped me change perspective, celebrating messes as signs of growth and learning.
[22:23] - I value the importance of perspective, teaching her kids that accidents aren’t worth stressing over.
[24:00] - Micah offered a sincere apology about something which reminded me of life’s gifts of grace and love.
[27:32] - Jesse admits to struggling with apologizing but sees humility as important for personal growth.
[28:08] - I highlight owning one’s actions in marriage and communication, avoiding silent treatment, and always learning!
Links & Resources
Books
The Killer Angels: The Classic Novel of the Civil War (Civil War Trilogy) by Michael Shaara
Gods and Generals: A Novel of the Civil War (Civil War Trilogy) by Jeff Shaara
Next Episode
291. Breaking the Patterns That Break You (with Tori Hope Peterson)
Tori Hope Petersen is the author of the book Breaking the Patterns That Break You: Healing from the Pain of Your Past and Finding Real Hope That Lasts! Tori’s journey is nothing short of inspiring! In our conversation, she opens up about growing up in the foster care system, dealing with trauma, and the powerful transformation that began when she truly understood God’s love for her.
Tori shares how having broken free from patterns of self-doubt and striving for approval became so integral to her healing, and we discuss the unspoken lies that we often believe about ourselves and how those beliefs shape the way we live. Tori reflects on how recognizing these patterns, such as the need to prove our worth or seek validation from others, can be the first step toward truly finding healing and freedom from limiting beliefs and lies. She also offers up some practical advice on how to stop living to prove ourselves and start living from a place of knowing that we are unconditionally loved.
This episode of the show is for anyone who has struggled and/or is struggling with feelings of unworthiness or been caught in the vicious cycle of seeking validation from others. Tori’s story and wisdom encourages you to stop trying to earn God’s love and instead embrace the truth of how God did a good job of making you! I can almost guarantee you are going to walk away from this episode feeling encouraged and inspired!
In This Episode
[0:35] - Tori shares how we first connected -- something I'd completely forgotten about!
[2:34] - Growing up in foster care, Tori struggled with feeling unworthy until she embraced God’s love.
[5:28] - Tori feels that Christians often mistake self-hatred for humility but that honoring God’s creation isn’t prideful.
[6:37] - We learn that Tori's upbringing taught her that love had to be earned, but she has since learned that it’s freely given.
[9:36] - Therapy, writing, and mentors helped Tori process trauma and overcome fears of repeating abuse.
[12:59] - I discuss someone having asked me recently how to identify and unpack their negative thoughts.
[13:25] - Reading and hearing others’ stories helps Tori reflect, grow, and better understand herself.
[14:45] - Tori's new book reinterprets familiar ideas to help trauma survivors embrace God’s love.
[17:42] - Understanding God’s love as personal transformed Tori's relationships and helped break unhealthy cycles
[22:20] - A savior complex can stem from personal wounds rather than pure intentions to help others.
[24:44] - Tori points out that God's approval frees us from seeking validation.
[27:21] - Tori has learned to assume the best in people, despite past trauma.
[29:24] - For Tori, encouraging her kids' potential means balancing high expectations while also allowing them individuality.
[32:07] - Hear how an unexpected apology helped Tori appreciate a flawed but ultimately safe and supportive program.
[34:39] - Tori shares that she and her husband prioritize apologizing, believing that it encourages reflection and accountability in others.
[36:05] - Sharing our stories can lead to healing and connection.
[38:28] - I encourage people to read Tori’s first book Fostered before Breaking the Patterns That Break You.
Links & Resources
Books
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