Better in Bed | A Sex & Sexuality Podcast with Sarasense

Do people with disabilities have a right to be sexual? And what can they teach able-bodied people about intimacy and sexuality?

On this episode, Sara and co-host Kat talk to Carmen Yau, a registered social worker with a PhD from Hong Kong Polytechnic University and founder of erotica collection, “Sugar’s XXX Stories”.

Having been born with spinal muscular atrophy, Carmen is an iconic spokesperson for the sexual equality of people with disabilities and women. She is very vocal about breaking the taboo of people with disabilities often being considered asexual, as well as debunking other myths.

Armed with her own personal experiences living in a traditional Asian culture which focuses on “infantilising” people with disabilities as a form of protection, she shares how she was able to explore her sexuality, in spite of her physical limitations.

In particular, she talks about the creativity that people with disabilities use in terms of coming up with unique sex toys, sex positions, and even how their bodies can sometimes develop heightened senses that can lead to “abstract orgasms”

This episode will challenge your idea of what is considered “normal” in sex and sexuality. Listen in as Carmen shares an empowering message for everyone, whether disabled or able-bodied -about loving one’s body and valuing oneself. She believes that how you perceive yourself impacts how you conduct yourself with others, and how fruitful your life will be.

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Ever felt self-conscious about your body during sex? Studies show that shame and anxiety about one's body lead to the avoidance of physical intimacy and reduced sexual satisfaction.

On this episode, Sara and co-host Kat follow Curvasian.com founder and body positive advocate Bertha Chan through her journey that led her to thrive as a plus-size woman in Asia.

Having never been able to find a dress to fit into growing up—not to mention having to endure judgement from those who were dear to her—a fateful encounter with a plus size and body positivity community on Instagram inspired Bertha to take an active role in empowering millions of women just like her around the world.

Bertha touches on why its so important that body positivity starts with self acceptance, and not relying on other people to validate you.

She also shares some of her strategies around becoming more body confident in the bedroom, including how to have an open conversation with one’s partner and also how she asks her partner to shower love on the specific body parts she feels insecure about during sex.

This is a brave, vulnerable conversation about resisting the challenges and pressures that society places upon us to look a certain way or fit a certain mould. Regardless of what size or shape you are, we learn what can be done to cultivate a stronger sense of body positivity as a practice in our day-to-day lives, and of course, our sex life!

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How do we keep that initial passion for sex and intimacy alive for the long-haul?

Highly sought after sexual/marital psychotherapist and founder of The Academy of Lasting Love, Nikki Green shares some illuminating lessons with Sara and co-host Kat from over 20 years of experience primarily working with women in Hong Kong.

She believes that great sex can definitely survive over the long-haul however it’s a myth that it will just happen spontaneously and naturally. Sex is usually full of passion early on in the relationship, but the reality is that this addictive “dopamine high” gradually drops as time passes, and extra effort is required if a couple wants to maintain a healthy sex life.

Nikki emphasizes being deliberate around keeping that spark alive throughout your relationship, regardless of desire. In her view, relying on desire alone isn’t enough to keep a relationship consistently juicy as desire goes up or down at any time.

Instead, making sex in a relationship last is about a commitment to connection, adventure, intimacy and requires a whole different mindset. A big part of which includes scheduling and showing up fully. Listen in as Nikki lays out a roadmap to make this a reality in any relationship!

Download Nikki’s free Spice of Love mini-course – Conversations for Deeper and more Fulfilling Intimacy, which includes questions you can ask each other to immediately improve intimacy and erotic satisfaction.

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We all love orgasms because they feel good, but are we actually using them to their full potential?

Life and business coach Ying Han Cheng or “Hani” from YOLO Abundance believes that we can harness powerful orgasmic energy to create abundance and success in the rest of our lives – including our careers, business and personal lives.

On this episode, Hani shares the philosophy behind the YUMMY orgasm, a unique practice brought about by orgasmic meditation, which combines mindfulness and orgasm. The goal of this practice is not orgasm per se, but rather tapping into our transformative life force, and expanding our experience of pleasure, fulfillment and vitality.

Things start getting considerably juicier as Sara and co-host Kat then demonstrate a 5 minute orgasmic meditation on-air together with Hani, who breaks it down step-by-step.

Want to learn more about transforming your life with YUMMY orgasms? Hani has created a free mini-course especially for Better in Bed listeners with practical secrets and strategies on how to get started.

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How has the global pandemic affected your sex and love life? And how can you ‘corona-proof’ your relationship against the stress, uncertainty and conflict?

A crisis like the one we find ourselves in accelerates the dynamics of any relationship, and you may feel more intense emotions for each other or reach breaking point more quickly.

We’re all concerned about staying physically healthy during these times; but it just as important to keep your relationships safe, strong and healthy too.

Sara chats with clinical psychologist Dr. Kimberly Carder, as we discuss practical strategies and solutions to answer the following crowdsourced questions from followers:

1. How do I reduce anxiety for myself, and comfort and reassure my partner during this crisis?
2. I’m around my partner all the time, and we don’t have much desire for sex right now. How can we spice things up and re-capture that sense of excitement?
3. We’re both stuck at home at this intense time, which is driving us to nitpick and fight with each other over lots of small things that wouldn’t normally bother us. What can we do?
4. My partner and I are stuck in different cities, and I’m feeling lonely and bored now that we’re separated. What can we do to feel more connected?
5. My partner thinks I am over reacting and minimizes my fear of the coronavirus, how can I get them to take it more seriously?
6. Is it even safe to have sex these days?

Kim and Sara talk about why the power of “teamwork” is more essential than ever during these times, and the need for the 4Cs – creativity, communication, connection and commitment – to strengthen any relationship, and keep things hot and sexy!

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Want more tips on corona-proofing your sex and love life? Get Sara’s online training

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Detailed show notes for this episode here

P.S. If you’ve gotten value from this podcast, I’d really appreciate it if you subscribed and left a review. :)