25. Keeping the Spark & Making Love Last

02/13/20 • 62 min

Better in Bed | A Sex & Sexuality Podcast with Sarasense

How do we keep that initial passion for sex and intimacy alive for the long-haul?

Highly sought after sexual/marital psychotherapist and founder of The Academy of Lasting Love, Nikki Green shares some illuminating lessons with Sara and co-host Kat from over 20 years of experience primarily working with women in Hong Kong.

She believes that great sex can definitely survive over the long-haul however it’s a myth that it will just happen spontaneously and naturally. Sex is usually full of passion early on in the relationship, but the reality is that this addictive “dopamine high” gradually drops as time passes, and extra effort is required if a couple wants to maintain a healthy sex life.

Nikki emphasizes being deliberate around keeping that spark alive throughout your relationship, regardless of desire. In her view, relying on desire alone isn’t enough to keep a relationship consistently juicy as desire goes up or down at any time.

Instead, making sex in a relationship last is about a commitment to connection, adventure, intimacy and requires a whole different mindset. A big part of which includes scheduling and showing up fully. Listen in as Nikki lays out a roadmap to make this a reality in any relationship!

Download Nikki’s free Spice of Love mini-course – Conversations for Deeper and more Fulfilling Intimacy, which includes questions you can ask each other to immediately improve intimacy and erotic satisfaction.

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Detailed show notes for this episode here

P.S. If you’ve gotten value from this podcast, I’d really appreciate it if you subscribed and left a review. :)

How do we keep that initial passion for sex and intimacy alive for the long-haul?

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How confident a lover are you? Take the quiz

Detailed show notes for this episode here

P.S. If you’ve gotten value from this podcast, I’d really appreciate it if you subscribed and left a review. :)

Previous Episode

24 Bold & Body Positive in the Bedroom

Ever felt self-conscious about your body during sex? Studies show that shame and anxiety about one's body lead to the avoidance of physical intimacy and reduced sexual satisfaction.

On this episode, Sara and co-host Kat follow Curvasian.com founder and body positive advocate Bertha Chan through her journey that led her to thrive as a plus-size woman in Asia.

Having never been able to find a dress to fit into growing up—not to mention having to endure judgement from those who were dear to her—a fateful encounter with a plus size and body positivity community on Instagram inspired Bertha to take an active role in empowering millions of women just like her around the world.

Bertha touches on why its so important that body positivity starts with self acceptance, and not relying on other people to validate you.

She also shares some of her strategies around becoming more body confident in the bedroom, including how to have an open conversation with one’s partner and also how she asks her partner to shower love on the specific body parts she feels insecure about during sex.

This is a brave, vulnerable conversation about resisting the challenges and pressures that society places upon us to look a certain way or fit a certain mould. Regardless of what size or shape you are, we learn what can be done to cultivate a stronger sense of body positivity as a practice in our day-to-day lives, and of course, our sex life!

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How confident a lover are you? Take the quiz

Detailed show notes for this episode here

P.S. If you’ve gotten value from this podcast, I’d really appreciate it if you subscribed and left a review. :)

Next Episode

26. Sex and Disability - Breaking the Taboo

Do people with disabilities have a right to be sexual? And what can they teach able-bodied people about intimacy and sexuality?

On this episode, Sara and co-host Kat talk to Carmen Yau, a registered social worker with a PhD from Hong Kong Polytechnic University and founder of erotica collection, “Sugar’s XXX Stories”.

Having been born with spinal muscular atrophy, Carmen is an iconic spokesperson for the sexual equality of people with disabilities and women. She is very vocal about breaking the taboo of people with disabilities often being considered asexual, as well as debunking other myths.

Armed with her own personal experiences living in a traditional Asian culture which focuses on “infantilising” people with disabilities as a form of protection, she shares how she was able to explore her sexuality, in spite of her physical limitations.

In particular, she talks about the creativity that people with disabilities use in terms of coming up with unique sex toys, sex positions, and even how their bodies can sometimes develop heightened senses that can lead to “abstract orgasms”

This episode will challenge your idea of what is considered “normal” in sex and sexuality. Listen in as Carmen shares an empowering message for everyone, whether disabled or able-bodied -about loving one’s body and valuing oneself. She believes that how you perceive yourself impacts how you conduct yourself with others, and how fruitful your life will be.

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How confident a lover are you? Take the quiz

Detailed show notes for this episode here.

P.S. If you’ve gotten value from this podcast, I’d really appreciate it if you subscribed and left a review. :)