27. BDSM for Beginners

03/16/20 • 64 min

Better in Bed | A Sex & Sexuality Podcast with Sarasense

Is your perception of BDSM and kink informed by the infamous Fifty Shades of Gray?

Even though the Fifty Shades franchise does a lot to bring BDSM to the mainstream, it also get a lot of things wrong. Particularly one of BDSM’s key principles, negotiating consent.

Sara and co-host Kat sit down with Jannus of KinkBites — a veteran kinkster, community organizer, and Hong Kong dungeon manager — to lament the Fifty Shades effect, and the myths and misconceptions around BDSM that it perpetuates.

We talk about how the “church of kink” is full of variety (and not all about pain) and how kinky people come from all walks of life. Jannus’s shares his own personal introduction to kink – when his desire to learn how to do better drag resulted in a fateful encounter with Mistress Decima, Hong Kong’s “Godmother of Kink”.

Jannus provides recommendations to beginners and newbies who want to get started with BDSM. He sheds light on common BDSM terminology, what toys one can start with, dating as a kinky person and how to introduce a vanilla partner to your kinks. All in a fun, non-threatening, consensual manner.

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For more sex-positive resources, visit Sarasense

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Detailed show notes for this episode here.

P.S. If you’ve gotten value from this podcast, I’d really appreciate it if you subscribed and left a review. :)

Is your perception of BDSM and kink informed by the infamous Fifty Shades of Gray?

Even though the Fifty Shades franchise does a lot to bring BDSM to the mainstream, it also get a lot of things wrong. Particularly one of BDSM’s key principles, negotiating consent.

---

How confident a lover are you? Take the quiz

For more sex-positive resources, visit Sarasense

Or follow us on Instagram

Detailed show notes for this episode here.

P.S. If you’ve gotten value from this podcast, I’d really appreciate it if you subscribed and left a review. :)

Previous Episode

26. Sex and Disability - Breaking the Taboo

Do people with disabilities have a right to be sexual? And what can they teach able-bodied people about intimacy and sexuality?

On this episode, Sara and co-host Kat talk to Carmen Yau, a registered social worker with a PhD from Hong Kong Polytechnic University and founder of erotica collection, “Sugar’s XXX Stories”.

Having been born with spinal muscular atrophy, Carmen is an iconic spokesperson for the sexual equality of people with disabilities and women. She is very vocal about breaking the taboo of people with disabilities often being considered asexual, as well as debunking other myths.

Armed with her own personal experiences living in a traditional Asian culture which focuses on “infantilising” people with disabilities as a form of protection, she shares how she was able to explore her sexuality, in spite of her physical limitations.

In particular, she talks about the creativity that people with disabilities use in terms of coming up with unique sex toys, sex positions, and even how their bodies can sometimes develop heightened senses that can lead to “abstract orgasms”

This episode will challenge your idea of what is considered “normal” in sex and sexuality. Listen in as Carmen shares an empowering message for everyone, whether disabled or able-bodied -about loving one’s body and valuing oneself. She believes that how you perceive yourself impacts how you conduct yourself with others, and how fruitful your life will be.

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How confident a lover are you? Take the quiz

Detailed show notes for this episode here.

P.S. If you’ve gotten value from this podcast, I’d really appreciate it if you subscribed and left a review. :)

Next Episode

28. Everything I wished I learned in Sex-Ed

What were you taught in sex-ed, and what do you wish you had learned? Often there’s a big difference between the two!

Sara and guests Jules Hannaford, teacher and host of the Hong Kong Confidential podcast and comedian Elena Gabrielle of Story Party, talk about the sex education we received, which was shrouded in fear, abstinence and shame.

We share our early sexual experiences, and reflect on what we wished we’d known about STI’s, consent and responsibility at that time.

We also talk about how we learned about sex and intercourse from a biological standpoint, but there never seemed to be enough focus on the social and practical aspects of sexual relationships.

Jules gives some guidance for parents on how to speak to their children about sex from a young age and encourage a healthy sexuality. We conclude that sex education shouldn’t just start and end in school, it can be an ongoing journey of learning for adults too.

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How confident a lover are you? Take the quiz

Detailed show notes for this episode here.

P.S. If you’ve gotten value from this podcast, I’d really appreciate it if you subscribed and left a review. :)