Dear Men: How to Rock Sex, Dating, and Relationships With Women

Ever had these kinds of thoughts?:

• “If I didn’t initiate sex with my woman, we’d never have it.”
• “My partner doesn’t want sex as much as me.”
• “I sometimes feel like she only has sex with me because she feels like she has to."

If so, you’re not alone. This is a painful problem in a relationship. When you feel like your partner is constantly turning you down, that rejection button just keeps getting hit over and over. It can be excruciating.

Why is this happening and what can you do about it? Here, we break down the pattern, where it can stem from, and steps you may need to take. The truth is, if you constantly feel anxious, depressed, or stressed due to your relationship, it may not be healthy.

If you’re longing for more intimacy — not just sexual intimacy, but closeness — in your marriage or committed relationship, give this a listen.

When you're in a relationship, how do you navigate the really hard conversations — the ones where you know you could be risking everything by even engaging the topic. Like, for example, "I want kids" when you know the other person doesn't. Coordinating moments or even long periods of tension in a relationship with grace is part of what a healthy relationship is about. But it turns out you need to have a strong relationship with something else to even be able to do that in a romantic partnership. Listen for what that is.

Benjamin & Azrya's site: https://www.beqoming.me

Their IG: @beqoming

Ever wished sex were easier? As in, that you could feel totally comfortable in your body, fearless in your sexuality, easily ask for what you want, and facilitate hot sexy experiences with women you feel attracted to?

Maybe you contend with premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, or porn addiction. Maybe you're ashamed of how much you want sex or don't even go after women you really want because you're unsure you'll be able to perform sexually. Maybe you're with a partner but feel like you two could have a way better sex life.

If any of this feels familiar, questions can come up like, "Why am I this way?" And, "How do I grow beyond this?"

A lot of the men we work with are survivors of developmental trauma, aka little-T trauma. Big-T trauma tends to be more "obvious" (domestic violence, sexual abuse, war, etc.). But little-T trauma (developmental trauma) can have equally as big an impact on your nervous system and mind.

And it affects not only how you feel about yourself, but how you operate sexually. One thing that can help these kinds of patterns dramatically is sexological bodywork — a modality that specifically helps with sexuality and overcoming trauma. Here we outline what sexological bodywork is and isn't, as well as somatic sex education.

Yep, we're talking about how to overcome erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, or delayed ejaculation. We're talking about how to stop feeling ashamed of wanting sex, or of feeling like a bad man for even thinking about it. Want to overcome childhood trauma and thrive sexually? Listen on, my friends.

Sites mentioned in this episode:

• Chris Muse's site: www.chris-muse.com
• Alyssa Morin's site: www.alyssamorin.org
• The Verdant Collective: www.theverdantcollective.com (for those who identify as women)
• Directory: https://sexologicalbodyworkers.org/

Ever felt like a woman was testing you, pushing your boundaries in annoying ways, or giving you a "shit test" (not a great term, but one you may be familiar with)? Here's a hint: if you don't want negative emotional tension, you may need to become skilled at positive emotional tension.

Whether you're in a dating relationship, long-term marriage, or somewhere in between, the feminine is mysterious. Many men are baffled by how to relate when it seems like what he's doing is never enough. Why can't she just be satisfied? Why does it feel like she's always poking at you, overreacting to something small, or picking a fight? Why isn't sex easier?

Here, we go into what women are often thinking or wanting in those moments. We outline positive emotional tension (aka conscious tension), and how it can actually strengthen your relationship. And we cover the difference between tussling — healthy, positive emotional tension, which can actually be fun — and unhealthy abuse. This includes knowing the signs of Borderline Personality Disorder and how to avoid partners with BPD. We also go into how loving, conscious dominance can lead to hot sex. ;)

A few memorable quotes from this episode:

• "Having a PhD really didn’t help much when it came to my relationships!"
• “If I've got you arguing with me, at least I’ve got your attention.”
• “We all get needy.”
• "How can a man tell, 'Is it ever going to be enough for her?'"

Resources mentioned on this episode:

• Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) - an evidence-based treatment for Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)
• The Wisdom of No Escape by Pema Chodron

Sick of getting ghosted or having other not-so-great experiences on dating apps like Hinge, Tinder, Bumble, etc.? While the apps are an important part of the sex and relationship landscape these days, there are lots of other stimulating ways to meet dating and relationship partners. Camille Virgina, author of The OFFline Dating Method: 3 Steps to Attract Your Perfect Partner in the Real World, breaks it down. We also get into how to overcome by social anxiety and loneliness — two common obstacles to dating. Whether you're looking for a new sex or dating partner after a divorce or other breakup, wanting a new polyamorous connection, or just to make new friends, you'll get something out of this candid and uplifting convo on connection.