Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will

This week’s episode of the podcast was an unexpected opportunity to record a conversation I had with a dear friend and veteran Ron Burns – on Veteran’s Day – in my home.

We usually get together for a beer when he visits, and as we started talking, and he started sharing stories and thoughts about current events, I realized this would make a great episode. On many occasions I walk away from a conversation inspired and touched, and disappointed that I didn't record it. This time I was ahead of myself, thank goodness, and asked if I could hit the record button on my phone.

Ron grew up in the northwest part of Montana, where cold weather means significantly under zero degrees and windchill that can freeze your lungs when you inhale. You could say people there are hardy. Or crazy. Or both.

We met just a few years after my family moved to Montana. Our mutual friend Stephanie introduced us one evening at a bar where a large group had congregated on a winter evening. Five minutes into our very first conversation, he dropped unexpected wisdom into my heart, words I carry with me now, nearly 20 years later. It was about relationships, and his caring, thoughtful words were exactly what I needed to hear in that moment.

Ron wasn't always as self-reflective as he is now, it is something he learned as a result of difficult relationships. At some point he realized that if he wanted healthy, loving relationships, he was going to have to be a person who earned them, a person who learned from his mistakes.

It was a process, becoming a self-listener. Ron learned to take a step back after conversations to reflect on how they went, the good and the bad, and what he might have done right or what he could have done better. Eventually he started taking that step back during conversations, rather than waiting until afterward, so he could see where he was going and make necessary adjustments either to shift the conversation in a more positive direction, or recognize when it was time to cut and run.

This quality is something I noticed early in our relationship, and have always appreciated the thoughtfulness he puts into his language and actions.

I realized something during this conversation: If more people took the time and effort to consider their own roles in communication and miscommunication, people in our communities would be much healthier and happier.

And now... I'm introducing you to Ron Burns for your listening pleasure.

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In my work with coaching clients, I guide people to improve their communication using storytelling as the foundation of our work together. What I’ve realized over years of coaching and podcasting is that the majority of people don’t realize the impact of the stories they share - on their internal messages, and on the people they’re sharing them with.

My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home. The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is now available!

Included with your purchase are two bonus tracks, songs recorded by my band, Spare Change, in my living room in Montana.

306 The Escape of A Good Book

Following the theme of art and how it inspires us, this week is writing. We have all picked up a book that shaped us in one way or another, and maybe we’re still looking for that next book capable of bringing us comfort and escape from our busy lives.

In this episode Sarah Elkins and Adina Edelman discuss the importance of how writing impacts us and how working with authors has given Adina the opportunity to read and contribute to these works of art.

Highlights

• Keep on trying, especially when you fail.
• Even if there is a failure you can still turn it into something better, even if it wasn’t the original idea you had.
• Make sure when you help someone that you are uplifting their voice and not replacing it with your own.

Quotes

“You’ve got to keep on trying it, and even to walk in with that sort of expectation that it is a process and it’s okay if things go wrong, and there will be elements in there that both need improvement, but you know the batter still tasted good. There was still something working there, there are going to be pros and cons at each stage.”

“There are so many analogies with music and writing they just pop up everywhere, as for how it comes into play with working with my clients, well one thing is that just like there’s rhythm in music and so many different ways to play with notes to bring about a certain experience, that’s the same thing with writing. So that sort of melodic tendency in writing in order to pick that up and use that when I’m editing, so you know you could say that they are two separate things but it also could be that they are related.”

Dear Listeners it is now your turn,

I know it’s hard to take the time to pick up a book and read, and what I’m finding is that the more I meet these authors the more I want to dive into their books. So maybe the next thing for you to do if you want to read more is don’t feel like you have to read nonfiction, read something that lights you up, read something that helps you get away from the reality of the world for just a little bit, that gives you a break from it, and those middle grade books are often a great escape from reality, and maybe it’s time to reach out and join a book club and find something that you can really enjoy.

I have some friends that are struggling to connect with other people and they’re living in communities that they don’t feel connected to and everytime I recommend they find the local library and find a book club, because if you want to meet people that are of like heart and not necessarily of like mind, the library is a great place to do it.

And, as always, thank you for listening.

Writers and Books mentioned in this episode

Judy Blume

Joan Bauer

The Inkheart Series by Cornelia Funke

Peter and The Star Catchers by Dave Barry and Ridley Pearson

Even If I’m Not by Devorie Kreiman

Homeward Bound by A. Yarden

About Adina (from her website

​ Adina is an editor based in Baltimore, MD. She works with indie authors and small publishing companies, digging deep to unearth the gold in their books. Adina has worked on over 90 books, and she’s edited for Gatekeeper Press, Mosaica Press, Israel Bookshop, Menucha Publishers, and more. A fiction and poetry editor for the Baltimore Review, she has experience with a variety of genres and writing styles. She majored in English and Creative Writing at Southern New Hampshire University and graduated summa cum laude.

Be sure to check out her website Edelman Edits! As well as her LinkedIn!

About Sarah

"Uncovering the right stories for the right audiences so executives, leaders, public speakers, and job seekers can clearly and actively demonstrate their character, values, and vision."

In my work with coaching clients, I guide people to improve their communication using storytelling as the foundation of our work together. What I’ve realized over years of coaching and podcasting is that the majority of people don’t realize the impact of the stories they share - on their internal messages, and on the people they’re sharing them with.

My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their...

Meg Nocero worked as a prosecuting attorney for 20 years. She saw every kind of human in that work, and yes, after a while the job might have contributed to trust issues.

But when she lost her mom, she felt like a corner of the foundation of her home started to crumble, causing a sense of imbalance, of instability.

Her counselor suggested that she start writing about all of what her mom left her - the legacy she left in her wisdom and stories. What started as a coping strategy turned into a blog with a big audience, and then into a book, The Magical Guide to Bliss.

That book became the renewed cornerstone for her foundation, stabilizing her home, her sense of self, her resilience and strength.

Our conversation was full of laughs, beginning with Meg's hilarious story of being a contestant on The Price is Right while traveling to California as a celebratory trip after graduating from college.

If you're wondering what I mean when I say Meg is magical, you'll definitely want to listen in.

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Meg Nocero, Esq. Award Winning Author, The Magical Guide to Bliss: Daily Keys to Unlock Your Dreams, Spirit & Inner Bliss, 2019 Independent Press Award Winner Inspirational Speaker & Certified Professional Coach, ICF Certifed Chair of S.H.I.N.E. Networking Inc., 501(c)(3)

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About Sarah: In my work with coaching clients, I guide people to improve their communication using storytelling as the foundation of our work together. What I’ve realized over years of coaching and podcasting is that the majority of people don’t realize the impact of the stories they share - on their internal messages, and on the people they’re sharing them with.

My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home.

The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will, will be released in mid-November, and for a limited time, the ebook is just $0.99!

As a special bonus for listeners, the book will include two songs recorded by my band, Spare Change, in my living room in Montana. Keep an eye out for announcements through LinkedIn and via my Elkins Consulting Facebook & Instagram pages, or visit my website to learn more.

Michael sat with his mother when she went to the hospital for breast cancer treatment appointments. He was struck by the compassionate care of her doctors, the fact that they treated her with dignity, kindness, and as if she was far more than a patient or a diagnosis.

He was in high school at the time, and had all kinds of ideas about what he wanted for his future. That experience, though, gave him the inspiration and motivation he needed, and he signed up for pre-med classes the following semester.

When he graduated from high school and started school at Carroll College in Helena, Montana, he was well on his way toward his dream - he would be a doctor.

Michael Fuller and I have been friends for years, thanks to my introduction to his parents. I've always found both Michael and his brother, Joshua, to be thoughtful, considerate people, and that isn't at all surprising, given what I know of their parents.

As he's grown into himself and his future, we've taken opportunities to go for long walks together, sit in coffee shops, and even have a beer together (after his 21st birthday, of course), and have had deeply thoughtful, insightful conversations.

It occurred to me that his story is one many can related to: The decision to go into a specific area of study and work as a result of watching a loved one go through a difficult situation.

You'll hear that Michael finished his bachelor's degree and has been accepted into a few medical school programs. He hasn't decided yet where he'll go. I know that whatever his future holds in terms of a career and location, he will contribute an extraordinary amount of courage, kindness, compassion and healing to those fortunate enough to find themselves in his care.

And if I'm lucky, I might just get a hold of his brother for another episode of Your Stories Don't Define You.

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About Sarah:

In my work with coaching clients, I guide people to improve their communication using storytelling as the foundation of our work together. What I’ve realized over years of coaching and podcasting is that the majority of people don’t realize the impact of the stories they share - on their internal messages, and on the people they’re sharing them with.

My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home.

The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will, will be released in mid-November, and for a limited time, the ebook is just $0.99!

As a special bonus for listeners, the book will include two songs recorded by my band, Spare Change, in my living room in Montana. Keep an eye out for announcements through LinkedIn and via my Elkins Consulting Facebook & Instagram pages, or visit my website to learn more.

368 Choose To Step Up And Step In

It’s a strange and frightening world we are living in right now. With divisiveness and anger seeming rampant, it falls to us to maintain our community, to show up with a heart of love and understanding for each other and ourselves, to save our village from burning and refusing to let a lack of empathy and communication drive us to destruction.

In this episode Sarah Elkins and Erin Miller discuss the vital importance of community and taking care of one another, of building bridges and allowing our differences to strengthen us instead of divide us, as well as accepting when a bridge cannot be built and an olive branch is refused and trying to find peace with the results.

Highlights

• What is your moment of satisfaction or awe in what you do?
• Are you giving or just taking?
• Sitting down and talking to someone who’s different in some way. Building bridges as opposed to burning them.
• Celebrate our differences, do not let them drive us apart. But acknowledging when you cannot build a bridge, and seeking to find peace.
• The Cause and Effect of what changes individuals.
• It’s okay to sit down and let your community help you.

Quotes

“Yes we are individuals, but we are also a collective. If you don’t feed the collective, if you don’t nurture the collective, the collective won’t nurture you.”

“Give what you want to receive. If you want community, you have to give community. If you want patience you have to give patience, and if you want respect and so on and so on.”

“The problem is we’re not talking to each other, we’re not communicating, and we’re not willing to hear.”

“We need to be able to sit down. We’re adults, we can do this, I believe that we can, and we have the capability to sit down and have discussions.”

“Once I extend an olive branch, if the person burns it, I let the ashes fall where they may. I just let them fall.”

Dear Listeners it is now your turn,

What are you going to take from this conversation? Who will you reach out to, to go and have a cup of coffee without having the intention of changing their mind but with the intention of listening to their story? Find out what matters to them and have a conversation. I would love to hear what happens for you when you choose to step up and step in.

And, as always, thank you for listening.

About Erin (from her website)

Erin Patrice is the heart and creator behind The Breaking Bread Village, a space intentionally created for people to come together and have transparent conversations with no judgment so ideas and perspectives may be heard respectfully.

Erin is a conversationalist and a Midland, MI, resident and native to Cincinnati, Ohio. She is a mother and wife and has been a community advocate for twenty years.

Erin has an incredible gift of storytelling and connecting with others of all ages. She shares her story in a way that draws people closer rather than apart. She has a unique teaching style that resonates with all who experience it. Erin has years of life experience, training, and facilitating conversations through empathy, strategy, and storytelling.

Erin is dedicated to being a voice for those with no voice and helping the unseen to be seen.

She believes that everything we do within our small communities changes the world because every good deed causes a ripple effect that will eventually impact the world.

Erin shares her teachings as a community engagement ambassador by facilitating workshops, keynote speaking, panels, and conversations nationwide.

Be sure to check out Erin’s LinkedIn, and her website Breaking Bread Village! As well as the article about her from the Midland Daily News!

About Sarah

"Uncovering the right stories for the right audiences so executives, leaders, public speakers, and job seekers can clearly and actively demonstrate their character, values, and vision."

In my work with coaching clients, I guide people to improve their communication using storytelling as the foundation of our work together. What I’ve realized over years of coaching and podcasting is that the majority of people don’t realize the impact of the stories they share - on their internal messages, and on the people they’re sharing them with.

My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns tha...