185: What Happens When You're the Child of Survivors of Significant Trauma?

Jeff Furman is an extraordinary combination of his parents. He has the gift of intense observation of people and surroundings, while also demonstrating significant empathy. The two together allow him to predict student behavior in the classroom, making him a highly effective educator.

He shared a story of clarity: Watching his girlfriend (many years ago) standing in the shallows of the ocean, hesitating to dive into the large waves, he had an insight as he observed her stepping forward and then stepping back. He asked "are you the child of Holocaust survivors?" She was.

How did he know that? Because his parents were fiercely protective of him, his mother was especially fearful of potential physical harm, and he recognized the effects of that kind of upbringing in his girlfriend.

This conversation was especially fascinating to me because of how his parents differed in the way their protectiveness was demonstrated in their words and actions. I was also highly curious about how Jeff sees the current impact of growing up like that on his life now, as a near-retirement aged professional.

We discussed current research around generational PTSD, and I mentioned an episode of this podcast featuring Rajkumari Neogy where we referred to the studies around intergenerational trauma and epigenetics.

If you're a regular listener of this show, you'll be especially pleased to hear Jeff's answer to my standard request: Tell us something about yourself that most people probably don't know. Hint: It's another musical reference!

Our conversation included a lot of references to the music that lights Jeff up, history related to WWII, and a few locations in and around New York City. Here are some links to satisfy your curiosity:

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A few notes from Jeff:

This is a 7-minute mini-documentary with Suzanne Vega that I’m sure you’ll like. She’s filmed in a cab in Manhattan on her way to the Fast Folk pasta dinner, where she is talking about how she is a little afraid of performing a new song in front of Jack Hardy and his peers, who will give constructive criticism. I met Jack Hardy also when he played at our college, and when I moved to Greenwich Village in the 80s, I got to spend some time with him. A lot of the singer-songwriters I interviewed were part of his circle. He was a very talented songwriter and very good singer and performer, but he became more known especially for helping providing the venue (Fast Folk) that others spring-boarded from, especially Suzanne Vega, Lucy Kaplansky, The Roches, and Shawn Colvin. I loved all these talented people and it was a very rich experience for me meeting and interviewing them for the Bergen Record (leading New Jersey newspaper) and Performing Songwriter Magazine. Publishing these articles helped me get my first book contract.

https://youtu.be/2TzVQOjfE_U

Here is Tom Russell performing the song he wrote: “MANZANAR” about the Japanese internment camp, from the perspective of a Japanese American who was imprisoned there after the attack on Pearl Harbor. I selected this song from Tom’s albums for the interview I did with him for Performing Songwriter Magazine.

https://youtu.be/0BW3rFEdCxY

And my favorite of all the folk groups part of the Fast Folk scene was The Roches (3 sisters: Terre, Suzzy, and Maggie Roche). I think this is one of their best songs/videos: “Mr. Sellack.” It captures their writing, singing, humor and charm really well.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQMwU3TrVE0

Connect with Jeff on LinkedIn, visit his website, and check out his series of project management books here.

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ABOUT SARAH:

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