152: A Relationship with Yourself: Lessons Learned through Self Reflection

This week’s episode of the podcast was an unexpected opportunity to record a conversation I had with a dear friend and veteran Ron Burns – on Veteran’s Day – in my home.

We usually get together for a beer when he visits, and as we started talking, and he started sharing stories and thoughts about current events, I realized this would make a great episode. On many occasions I walk away from a conversation inspired and touched, and disappointed that I didn't record it. This time I was ahead of myself, thank goodness, and asked if I could hit the record button on my phone.

Ron grew up in the northwest part of Montana, where cold weather means significantly under zero degrees and windchill that can freeze your lungs when you inhale. You could say people there are hardy. Or crazy. Or both.

We met just a few years after my family moved to Montana. Our mutual friend Stephanie introduced us one evening at a bar where a large group had congregated on a winter evening. Five minutes into our very first conversation, he dropped unexpected wisdom into my heart, words I carry with me now, nearly 20 years later. It was about relationships, and his caring, thoughtful words were exactly what I needed to hear in that moment.

Ron wasn't always as self-reflective as he is now, it is something he learned as a result of difficult relationships. At some point he realized that if he wanted healthy, loving relationships, he was going to have to be a person who earned them, a person who learned from his mistakes.

It was a process, becoming a self-listener. Ron learned to take a step back after conversations to reflect on how they went, the good and the bad, and what he might have done right or what he could have done better. Eventually he started taking that step back during conversations, rather than waiting until afterward, so he could see where he was going and make necessary adjustments either to shift the conversation in a more positive direction, or recognize when it was time to cut and run.

This quality is something I noticed early in our relationship, and have always appreciated the thoughtfulness he puts into his language and actions.

I realized something during this conversation: If more people took the time and effort to consider their own roles in communication and miscommunication, people in our communities would be much healthier and happier.

And now... I'm introducing you to Ron Burns for your listening pleasure.

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About Sarah:

In my work with coaching clients, I guide people to improve their communication using storytelling as the foundation of our work together. What I’ve realized over years of coaching and podcasting is that the majority of people don’t realize the impact of the stories they share - on their internal messages, and on the people they’re sharing them with.

My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home. The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is now available!

Included with your purchase are two bonus tracks, songs recorded by my band, Spare Change, in my living room in Montana.