The Skillful Podcast

This episode is an overview of the core Interpersonal Effectiveness skills in DBT, focusing on clarifying objectives, DEAR MAN, GIVE, and FAST.

There are a lot of acronyms in the Interpersonal Effectiveness module! Memorizing what each letter of the acronym stands for, especially DEAR MAN, can help you access the skill when you most need it. The best way to memorize the DEAR MAN script is to write it out again and again until you’ve mastered it.

For full show notes, visit our website: https://bayareadbtcc.com/podcast

GIVE

FAST

Validation

We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.

Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.

Today I’m talking with Dr. Kelsey Harper, a clinical psychologist and DBT therapist who works with trauma, PTSD, and chronic emotion dysregulation. With over a decade of work spanning varying settings and clientele, Kelsey has established a private practice in Santa Monica and observed time and again, that many clients reported extensive histories of trauma leading them to seek therapy and healing in their adult lives. With her own personal recovery as a survivor of sexual assault and experience working with the unique needs of survivors in their recovery journey, she built a new community called Warrior Reclamation to offer survivors support, connection, and skills for reclaiming their lives.

Kelsey talks about her own experience of isolation and confusion following sexual assault and how this inspired her to create a space so others don’t have to go through this alone. Listen in as we discuss DBT skills, sitting with emotions and how to survive rape culture.

To learn more about this podcast and full show notes, go to bayareadbtcc.com

We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.

Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.

Do you know how important it is to feel validated? Validation lets us know that we have been heard and understood. We all have the need to be understood by others, especially those closest to us. Today Marielle and Ed discuss the importance of validation in all interpersonal relationships. They describe the different levels of validation and they take a look at the detrimental effects of being invalidated by someone. Tune in now to find out more.

Validation is a necessary part of all relationships, from the most intimate relationships to friendships and work relationships. Marielle and Ed start today's episode with a definition of what invalidation is to give a sense of what it looks like and talk about how painful it feels to be on the receiving end of it. Listen in today, to find out what validation is and why it matters so much in relationships.

Show Highlights:

• Marielle explains what invalidation is and what it looks like.
• Being invalidated feels painful and it can cause people to become defensive and angry.
• It is possible to validate someone's experience without having to agree with them.
• What validation is and why it matters so much in relationships.
• Validation is the best way to connect and understand someone else's personal experiences.
• Why and how validation acts as a social lubricant.
• Differentiating intent versus impact.
• How validation can prevent defensiveness.
• How validation differs from simply agreeing.
• The benefits of starting hard conversations with validation.
• The different levels of validation.
• Paying attention is the first and most basic level of validation.
• The next level of validation is reflecting back what you have heard without judgment.
• The third level of validation is called “reading minds”. This is a more advanced level of validation. It involves noticing and sensing what is going on with the other person without them having to tell us. It is powerful but it can also be tricky.

Links:

www.bayareadbtcc.com

We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.

Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.

Today’s episode focuses on the emotion of fear. At its most fundamental, fear keeps us safe. It guides us to fight, flee, or freeze in the face of danger.

Often, though, fear can be chronic, manifesting as anxiety, worry, or tension even when we are safe. This episode helps you identify fear in all its manifestations and provides tools to help you cope with it.

• Build Mastery and Cope Ahead
• Check the Facts

We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.

Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.

Are you highly sensitive? And do you struggle with very intense emotions that sometimes overwhelm you? Today, for the first episode of The Skillful Podcast, Marielle will be talking to Ed Fowler, who works with her at the Bay Area DBT and Couples Counseling Center, providing individual DBT therapy, skills group, ACT, and EMDR for the treatment of trauma. In today's episode, Ed and Marielle will be discussing the concept of emotional dysregulation. Listen in to find out more.

Today, Ed and Marielle define emotional dysregulation and they talk about what it feels like to live with really intense emotions. They also discuss the bio-social theory of the foundational concept in DBT. Tune in today, to discover ways to reduce your emotional suffering, improve your relationships, and become more present in your life.

Show Highlights:

• Sometimes, our emotions can become so overwhelming that it leads to a sense of numbness.
• Some people who relate to being emotional dysregulated know what they're feeling all the time, while others are just overwhelmed and go to a place of numbness.
• Some people describe emotional dysregulation as being highly sensitive.
• There are lots of positive aspects to being very sensitive emotionally.
• It's easy for people who feel their emotions very strongly to become overwhelmed by them.
• Emotional dysregulation can be felt when our emotions become overwhelming and we don't know what to do with them.
• It can take a really long time for the extreme emotions to go away and this can cause a lot of suffering.
• It can be really difficult to focus on anything or get anything done when you're feeling these extreme emotions.
• Mood dependent behavior means that your current mood dictates what you're doing.
• People with strong emotions can tend to get into patterns of procrastination or avoidance and sometimes people can feel really stuck or trapped.
• Life becomes chaotic if your current emotion is dictating what you're doing, so that creates a challenging life.
• DBT offers really effective ways to express your emotions.
• DBT helps people feel better in a way that they won't regret the consequences of what they've done to make themselves feel better.
• Extreme emotions sometimes feel as if they will never go away.
• Judging yourself and feeling bad about feeling bad just makes things worse.
• With DBT you learn that things can change and you don't have to be a victim to your strong emotions.
• Other people might not understand the extreme emotional experience of a child and this could lead to the child being invalidated and developing patterns that do not work for them. This can cause confusion and a number of other problems for the child.
• There is almost always a sense of shame associated with either imploding or exploding.
• Ed explains why he really enjoys doing the work in DBT.
• Most people don't have good language around emotion.
• Any kind of childhood abuse is inherently invalidating and messes with the child's sense of reality.
• Caregivers who invalidate a child's intense emotions regularly can actually end up reinforcing more dramatic or explosive behavior in the child.
• A wide range of tools can help people to regulate their intense emotions.
• DBT teaches us that emotions are neither good or bad- they just give us information.

Links:

You can find us online at https://bayareadbtcc.com/

For more information about DBT skills: https://www.guildord.com/author/Marsha-M_Linehan

We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.

Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.