The Refined Collective Podcast

Sisterhood of the Traveling Kaftan

• Liz and I met at the Wild Hearts Conference. When we were in the green room backstage, I literally asked her if I could try on the dress she was wearing. Yes, that was the start of our friendship.
• I never thought a kaftan would look good on me, but it did! And this dress fits all sizes from 0 to 16. How incredible is that?
• “I didn’t think I was going to kaftan evangelize, at least not this early in the podcast.”

Enneagram Insights

• Is anyone else obsessed with personality tests??
• We come to the conclusion that if you’re a bit uncomfortable with your enneagram score, it means you probably got the right score. Wanna know what numbers Liz and I are? You gotta listen to the episode!
• Enneagrams help Liz to recognize everyone’s unique contributions to this complex world we live in. “I am delighted by difference.”

Growing Community

• “Come be a part of what we’re doing, but don’t do it out of pity or charity. Do it out of a sense of camaraderie and excitement about the future that we’re building together.”Sseko Designs has a Fellow program where people in the United States can be involved with the brand by hosting events and representing Sseko in their own community.
• Liz found that there was a need for opportunity for women in the United States as well as East Africa.
• Recently Sseko Designs brought 10 United States Fellows to Uganda. The women of Sseko and the fellows got a chance to share their stories with one another. How powerful is that?
• “You’re not going on a mission trip, you are going to meet your colleagues that are alongside of you and that are co-creating a brighter future with you.”
• Liz is constantly asking herself, “Are we doing this in a way that is consistent, true to the core of our mission, and our why?”

For those of you who are inspired by what you’ve learned here today, you can make a difference. Liz loves to see inspired women inspire other women. It starts a chain of fulfillment and passion for life. “If she can do it, why can’t I?”

I hope you’re feeling as absolutely inspired as I am. Liz is such a genuine soul and I had so much fun talking with her. If you enjoyed this episode, I want to invite you to subscribe, rate, and review the podcast. It would mean so much!

This episode is brought to you by the free PDF guide called “While You Wait.” It is full of resources that I personally found to be very helpful while I was finding my ‘why’ behind waiting until marriage to have sex.

XO,

Kat Harris

Links:

Sseko Designs Website

Sseko Deigns Fellow Program

Sseko Designs Kaftan

‘Meet the Women’

Sseko Deisngs Instagram

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We Are Not Invincible

• Right at the time when all of these tremendous accomplishments were happening in her life, she was hit with a diagnosis of a rare form of melanoma and the subsequent surgeries needed to remove it.
• As a first generation immigrant and woman of color, Komal has always felt the need to push through everything, but this was not something she could push through on her own.
• Komal opens up about her vertigo and partial vision loss she woke up with one morning and talks about her healing process.

“There Were Whispers”

• Looking back, she sees warning signs that she was on her way to that breaking point. “I had developed a version of myself that only knew how to run.”
• She sees connections back to her past, including witnessing abuse and violence as she was growing up.
• She recognizes that she can’t place blame on herself for any of it. “ I did not do this to myself, but I can recover from it in the ways I can.”

The Healing Process

• We talk a lot about something that I relate to personally: the connection between the physical, spiritual, and emotional health.
• Komal found healing by practicing self-care: meditation, using a mindset coach, and seeing her doctors. “Doing the really tough things that build a strong foundation in our lives, within which, once that’s done, facials and manicures can actually make you feel good.”
• We discuss the idea of cutting out the bad in life. While that’s a good practice, you have to make sure to have the hard conversations where needed.
• She emphasizes that you have to allow your self to feel all of your feelings (especially the bad ones), because they are valid and you need to understand them in order to move through them. “What different perspectives can we give to the memories that are haunting us?”

Thanks for listening, tribe. This episode was sponsored by our very own Patreon Tribe! You can join our Podcast Tribe at www.patreon.com/therefinedcollective and support our Podcast for as little as $5/month with first access to the podcast!

XO, Kat Harris

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Heart Behind Her Book

• Bianca’s third book, How To Have Your Life Not Suck, is a sort of manual for her 25-year-old self that was facing life’s challenges.
• “If you are not dead, God ain’t done, sister.”
• She looks back on these lessons and sees how they apply to her life even today.
• “It’s your story, it’s your pain, it’s your loss, it’s your tragedy, it’s your trauma, it’s your success, it’s your wins, and no one can take that from you.”
• We love the up and down journeys of characters in films, but when we experience the downs in life, we want none of it. But we need it to become who we are.
• “We want the progress without the process and it doesn’t work like that.”

Confronting Expectations

• When Bianca turned 25, she looked back at the goals she set for herself several years earlier and found she was not where she wanted to be.
• “I’m willing to step into the hard, I’m willing to be responsible.”
• The difference between girls and women is not a matter of age, it is a matter of choice. Choosing to step into the hard work makes you an adult.
• “There is beauty in the work.”

On Wanting Sugar Daddies

• “We can wait around hoping, wishing, praying that Prince Charming will come and rescue us but the truth is that if we are believers in Christ we’ve already been rescued.”
• Bianca challenges us to prove to ourselves that we can take care of ourselves.
• She warns us to not take it too far, though. “In our independence we can push people away.”
• If we are open for relationships, are we making that known? Like lights on taxis, we need to indicate if we are open or shut down to the possibility.
• “We want to complain about things that we actually have control over.”

Bianca’s Love Story

• Bianca was in her late 20’s and waiting for God to bring a man to her doorstep.
• She ultimately started an online dating profile on eHarmony, where she ended up meeting her current husband, who had previously been married and had two children.
• She was confronted by the opinions of society, her family, her friends, and her church.
• “We have an opportunity to play a part in someone’s redemption story. That is a gift. That is an honor. But let me say this: that is not easy.”
• “When you choose that person, you’re choosing their entire life.”
• Ruth was a widow, was barren, could no longer have kids, and went to work and caught the eye of an amazing man who loved her.
• “The moment you walk in in this servitude of ‘I can’t believe you’ve seen me, woe is me,’ is the moment you forget who you are. Child of God, you are fearfully and wonderfully made.”
• If you are in that mindset, it will take work and therapy to achieve a healthy mindset.
• “There are beautiful things that grow out of really dry and barren places so don’t give up.”

Now I’m not divorced, but did this talk with Bianca make me cry? YUP. I am so grateful for Bianca, her friendship, her book, and her story. Her book just came out yesterday and you can buy it on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, or any brick and mortar shop. You can get more info at BiancaOlthoff.com or on social media at @biancaolthoff.

If you like the podcast, I want to invite you to subscribe to the podcast and leave a rating and review. It helps us to get the episode out to more people and means the world to us! We’d love to hear your reactions to this specific episode and what topics you want to hear more of!

Hey, single ladies— are you frustrated by the dating world? This episode is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources helped propel me from sitting on the couch to ...