The Positive Pants Podcast

Patience Is A Virtue, So Why Is It So Bloomin Hard!

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Patience Is A Virtue, So Why Is It So Bloomin Hard!

Patience is a virtue right? It is. But it can also be so damn hard to practice!

Patience is something we tend to need in droves when we’re making any big changes or starting or running a business...but it can be one of the hardest things that we do. Go figure!

We want it to happen NOW, NOW, NOW! Many people also lose patience on the journey and give up, often just before a break through.

There’s a great Thomas Edison quote to emphasise this, “Many of life's failures are people who did not realise how close they were to success when they gave up.” Coming from the person who also said “I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work” I really think it’s an opinion worth listening to.

Being patient means that we have to accept that we’re living in a moment of uncertainty and when our brains loooove certainty it can make it feel very difficult.

In the last few years I've really seen impatience being a big issue for business owners, and anyone trying to make a big change too of course.

Think weight loss, new morning routines, diet, exercise, all the things where we know what to do to make the change but we don’t stick to it because it feels too hard.

So take fad diets for example because I always love a weight loss analogy!

So, you lose the weight really quickly through sacrificing certain foods or restricting calories, does it ever actually stay off?

Whereas, if you lose it slow and steady over time and create a lifestyle change that actually works for you, you incorporate exercise that you actually enjoy and it allows your unconscious habits to catch up with you, does it stay off then?

Which process feels better?

But, here’s the thing, it’s not JUST because you’re frustrated at the time it takes for your business to grow. You’re frustrated at what you’re making it MEAN that it’s taking so long for your business to grow.

So...what are you making it MEAN to you that you’re not growing as fast as other people say you should?

That you’re not good enough?

That you’re not cut out for this?

That other people are better than you and judging you for not being further ahead?

Listen to those pesky little thoughts and catch them so you can challenge them, because they’re not true!

Nothing has any meaning except for the meaning you give it.

We’re constantly bombarded with the ‘how I made 6 figures in 6 months and I can teach you my exact steps’ (If you’re not sure how I feel about then head HERE) so we’re seeing how ‘doable’ it is.

Other people have done it right? Apart from all the steps that may have been missed out, the different backgrounds, circumstances etc etc. DOH!

So, because of these messages, we’re expecting that in 6 short months we’re going to be making 6 figures in our brand new business, and if we don’t we’ve failed.

So, hang on, you’re expecting to be able to understand business, marketing, your message, your niche, your ideal client, what products you want to sell, test everything, create your brand, your content, know how you want to work, actually work with people so you have testimonials, build a reputation, tame all the mindset gremlins you’ve had since you were a child, not to mention all the other things you need to learn or create, and make 6 figures...all in 6 months?? With no help??

Impatience clouds your judgement, increases your frustration (which is the biggest driver of quitting!) and makes the mindset gremlins go crazy!

‘Why haven’t YOU done it yet, other people have’.

‘Why aren’t you where they are? They must be better.’

It can really cause you to self sabotage and no...

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Hang in there, you’re doing so great

Hang in there, you’re doing so great.

Urgh, what a highly emotional few days we’ve had in the UK. Across the world too but particularly in the UK.

With the announcement that we won’t be able to mix over Christmas in tier 4 with a few hours notice, emotions are running high.

Of course they are.

People had got excited about having some sort of normality in this crazy year and it got taken away, and taken away very quickly.

People were going to be seeing family and loved ones. Or being able to hold up some traditions that they value. Exchange gifts.

It may not have been handled in the best way, but we also need to remember we never have the full story of anything. We will make our own assumptions and come to our own conclusions.

But we are where we are right now. For me that’s tier 4.

For all the people who are now going to be alone over Christmas my heart breaks for you.

I’m sorry you’re having to go through this but please know you are so much stronger than you think.

I’m so fortunate that we had decided to stay just the two of us (well 3 including Milo) this year so nothing is really changing for us.

We decided early on that we were going to do Christmas in July with my family.

My Dad’s had surgery and is waiting on more treatments so it’s always been the case for me that I'm trying to mix as little as possible so I could see my parents and I accepted that early on.

We’ve got the date in the diary, we’re going to do presents and crackers.

We decided to just shift our perspective on Christmas this year.

I 100% acknowledge how lucky we are.

To be in a beautiful home in the countryside, with each other, with the cosy fire and with the dog. I feel so incredibly fortunate and grateful for the life we’ve built.

In my opinion I have nothing to feel sad about. I’m a very pragmatic person.

I look at what’s in front of me, try to see all perspectives and deal with what can be dealt with.

But if I did feel sad, frustrated, angry, or anything else...that wouldn’t be ‘wrong’. Just because I have it so much better than many others.

You are allowed to feel what you feel.

The good, bad and the ugly.

I always look at things from the point of view of gratitude and perspective. It’s how my brain is wired. It didn’t used to be.

I was wired for catastrophising, for feeling like the world was against me. For feeling like every little thing was the end of the world.

That Fran wouldn’t have handled Covid very well at all so i’m incredibly grateful for the work i’ve done.

I also know first hand how horrible it can feel to be in that place.

It’s not your fault.

Remember, whoever you are and wherever you are right now. You’re doing great, keep going.

Whenever something big happens there’s always a lot of noise and opinion. The anger about a situation gets projected onto other people.

What’s ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ gets debated.

You can be left feeling confused and invalidated.

Or worse, guilt and shame for what you feel. Or don’t feel.

If you want to look for gratitude in the situation do that.

If you want to see the positives, do that without fear of being told you’re practicing ‘toxic positivity’.

There will always be opinions that aren’t the same as yours and that’s ok.

But all I hope for people at the moment is to just be kind to themselves and to other people.

Just think for a moment. What’s my intention here? Is it to make myself feel better? Is it to m...

Stop Listening To Everyone

Show note links:

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• For more information or to apply for The Proactive Pants Mastermind: https://www.franexcell.com/proactivepants
• Book in a discovery call to see how I can help you:
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Stop Listening To Everyone

Stop listening to everyone, because you’re hearing no one.

The online business space is LOUD and the noise can be deafening at times, especially if you’re listening to multiple people, multiple voices and multiple, often conflicting advice and points of view.

Listening to and following everyone causes you to have too many things and too many voices swimming about in your noggin which leads to all the gremlins rearing their ugly heads.

Cue overwhelm, self doubt, procrastination and all their friends.

Which is not the best mindset to be when you’re running a business and trying to get stuff done.

Everywhere you look there will be someone telling you that their specialism, platform or strategy is THE one thing you need to get you where you want to be, that without it you ‘don't have a business.’

It’s exhausting.

I remember when I first started my business I was absorbing all the things. I was trying to be on all the platforms, listen to all the free advice, investing in all the programmes and...doing not a whole lot of anything to be honest.

I was confused and felt pulled in all directions with no one clear focus.

Thankfully I recognised it fairly quickly.

I recognised that to get to where I wanted to go I needed to cut out the noise and find ‘my’ people.

There are a lot of ‘guru’s’ in this industry who don’t always have the best of intentions and will use all those sleazy tactics that you’re avoiding doing because it gives you the ick.

It’s time for an audit!

I regularly check in with who is taking up space in my feed, groups, my inbox and serving me ads to make sure the noise levels are right for me, and it’s from the right people.

It’s not going to happen overnight but when you really start to analyse if who you’re following are a good, positive influence on you and your mindset...or a negative one then things will become much clearer, more focussed and more strategic, and you’re more likely to actually take action with a few less gremlins in the way.

Pick your own platforms.

Where are YOUR ideal clients?

I know everyone and his wife are saying Linkedin is the new buzz platform for 2019 for example...but if that’s not where YOUR ideal client is and you’re not looking for corporate gigs, then is it the right platform for you? Probably not!

So there’s some noise you can cut out.

It doesn’t mean you’re saying you’re NEVER going to use it, it’s just not right for you right now.

Also where do YOU like being?

What is YOUR favourite platform to be on? If you like using it guess what? You’re more likely to use it!

If you’re trying to do things and be in places because other people say you ‘should’ but really you don’t want to...guess what’s going to happen?

Pushing water uphill time and your friend procrastination is going to get in your way big time!

Choose people based on your values.

What do you value in a person or in a business?

For me it’s honesty, authenticity and integrity, what you see is what you get, which for me creates trust.

That’s not going to be the same for everyone, but that’s what I look for in a person to follow.

The second I get a feeling in my gut that someone doesn’t fit that bracket they’re on my unfollow list.

I was at a big business seminar for 2 days last week and it was honestly, so refreshing.

The majority of speakers sold high ticket items from the stage but they were so HONEST about it!

They didn’t try to dupe, guilt or bully anyone into buying, they didn’t try to pull the wool over anyone’s eyes, they made fun of a lot of the sleazy tactics ...

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What Would You Do Differently?

This week’s episode comes with a little trigger warning, talking about themes of death so if that’s sensitive for you right now then come back to this when you feel ready.

It can be hard to talk about, and sometimes feel a bit morbid, to think about our own or loved ones' mortality but I feel like this is an important conversation to have, and a perspective to potentially live by that can actually lead to some really positive changes.

And I know that’s what you want for yourself, because you wouldn’t be here if you didn’t.

As you’ll know by now I’m a big believer in sharing things that impact you and the way you think, in case it can have the same impact on someone else and might make a big difference to their day, week, month, life...you get the idea.

So let’s start with a little context for why I'm talking about this today.

Full credit goes to a friend of mine who I caught up with this last week. Someone who played an unexpectedly big role in my own healing this summer for which I'm hugely grateful for.

We were just catching up and talking about all the big things still going on in my personal life and big decisions I still have to make and he just said to me, ‘Can I give you some advice? Just be happy. Do what makes you happy. Tomorrow isn’t promised.’

Now, him saying tomorrow isn’t promised isn’t new, he already thinks that way.

But it hit particularly hard because his best friend had recently been killed suddenly in a road accident.

Sometimes things happen, to you or other people, that just put things into perspective. Context matters.

He also said that he’s not even thinking about the future right now and just living in the moment and taking every day as it comes, which is an easy thing to talk about, a lot of people do.

To the point the message gets lost I think. But again, I think it hits different within the context of the words and the situation they’re said in.

If you really lived like that, knowing that you might not get tomorrow and to totally be in the moment, even if it was just for a day, what would you do differently?

How might you think differently?

What would you just drop because you realise it’s just not important.

What would you let go?

What decisions would you make?

What would you make sure you did?

What would you want to experience?

Who would you reach out to?

What would you say?

How might you throw caution to the wind?

What would make you feel like you’re really living, not just existing?

Pay attention to your first answers to these questions, they’ll tell you a lot. Maybe pause, grab y...

It’s OK To Change Your Mind

Show note links:

• Grab your FREE ‘Stressed To Success’ meditation https://franexcell.lpages.co/stressed-to-success/
• Make sure you’re following me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/imfranexcell/ and tag me into your key takeaways!
• Book in a discovery call to see how I can help you:
• https://calendly.com/franexcell/20min
• Email me at hello@franexcell.com with any questions or take aways!
• For more, head over to: www.franexcell.com/

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It’s ok to change your mind in business, the world won’t stop.

If you’re just starting out and choosing your niche....it’s ok to change your mind.

If you’ve been in business a couple of years and something just isn’t sitting right anymore and feels heavy, it’s ok to change your mind.

If you’ve been in business for years but you just don’t love it anymore, it’s ok to change your mind.

I see so many people tying themselves up in knots in all of these scenarios. I get it, I really do.

But you aren’t locked in, married, signed sealed delivered, this is it forever-ed in to anything in your business.

You’re really not.

The whole point of having your own business is SO you have more control over it.

You get to make the decisions based on what’s right for you. Not someone else.

There will always be consequences to your decisions but that doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing.

I’ve been reassessing E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G throughout this whole pandemic and I know a huge amount of other people have to.

Sometimes you need to burn something to the ground just a little in order to build something bigger and better in its place. Sometimes that’s what it takes to scale up.

And yes, it’s scary. Yes, it’s uncomfortable. Yes, it could be a mistake...but if you only believe in lessons then you’re covered there ;-)

Let’s start with the most common place I see this, choosing an ideal client and a niche when you’re early on in your journey.

Oh goodness do people tie themselves up in knots with this one!!

Myself included at the start.

The message is that you absolutely HAVE to know your ideal client and niche down straight away. You need to know it on an intimate level.

If you don’t have a niche you don’t have a business!

Which is true to an extent.

It makes marketing easier. It makes self identifying for your client easier. If you don’t have one you do have a business but getting sales and traction will be harder unless you’re doing a personal outreach or networking strategy.

But let’s release the pressure valve a little shall we?

Firstly, in my opinion, you really don’t KNOW who your ideal client is until you’ve started working with people, this applies mainly to the coaching industry.

Start with an idea of who they are...not an attachment to who they are.

I had an idea of who my ideal client was, got one and it was a nightmare because they weren’t invested in the results.

So I tweaked it as I went along. It evolved as I went along and I allowed myself the time to get clearer and clearer and niche down further.

The thing with niching too is people seem to think it means that no one else will see or resonate with your message. It’s not true.

I think of it like a dart board. You’re aiming for the bullseye but there are lots of other ways to score high points around the board.

For example my niche is female business owners who self sabotage.

I still attract men to work with me.

I still attract a lot of people without businesses to work with me.

A lot of people come to me because they want a big life change. So even though I talk about everything in the context of business and I have a top ranked business podcast...I still get people who don’t have businesses. Because it’s relatable to both people. Same issues, different context.

So don’t worry about cutting certain people out.

You can also have different products or services for people at different stages. I work with people just starting out...and I work with 7 figure business owners!

So what i’m saying is, firstly, you aren’t married to your niche. You get to change it. Same with your ideal client. You get to change it.

Yes it may make things take a little longer than if you just cracked it first go (which let’s be honest...no one does!) but rather that than end up in a niche that it turns out you don’t...