54: How to Be a Better Husband & Father with Doug Holt

04/27/23 • 30 min

What if there was a place where men could come to learn how to become better husbands, fathers, and leaders in their community, a place where men could openly talk about their successes and their struggles in their marriages and their lives? In this episode of the Soaring Child, Doug Holt provides that place.

Doug is a father of a beautiful son and daughter and a successful serial entrepreneur who is on a mission to help other businessmen lead their families well. Doug now runs The Powerful Man, with a mission of helping these men save their marriages and become the best men, fathers, and husbands they can be.

In this episode, discover Doug’s advice for both men and women about how to better handle conflict, restore love to a stagnant marriage, and bring that spark back.

Key Takeaways:

[2:52] Doug's story & what brought him to this work

[5:54] Common frustrations of dads & the suicide epidemic

[9:43] 2 common responses to conflict

[14:25] Why many couples go from lovers to roommates

[15:41] An explanation of DEER mode & why men sometimes fall into this

[18:32] How couples can restore love to a stagnant marriage

[21:26] How women can bring up this topic with their husbands

[23:32] Quick things men or women can do to bring that spark back

[26:50] The hidden motives technique

Memorable Moments:

"Marriage actually takes a lot of work. It's not just a checkbox thing."

"I felt like I had a roommate with a ring, rather than a wife. And my wife felt the same way. But of course, we didn't know how to communicate that. We lay six inches apart but were six miles away emotionally."

"Men, just as much as women, want that connection."

“Suicide is the #2 cause of death for men.”

"There's a lot of men that are in this lifestyle of quiet desperation, and what they want more than anything is to be an amazing father."

"Often I hear, 'I feel like a stranger in my own home.'"

"The only people I've talked to that have perfect marriages are liars...If you've never had a problem in your marriage, that's a problem."

"You deserve more than average. This is your life...so don't wait for things to happen. Take action."

"Your energy matters when you bring it into the home."

"A wife wants to be seen, heard, and desired."

“Get to know your partner–who they are today. What are their dreams today? What are their fears?...You married this person for a reason.”

How to Connect with Doug Holt

Website: https://www.thepowerfulman.com/

Dana Kay Resources:

Website: https://adhdthriveinstitute.com/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ADHDThriveInstitute/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/adhdthriveinstitute/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/ADHDThriveInstitute

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/adhd-thrive-institute/mycompany/

Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.ph/adhdthriveinstitute/

Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@adhd_thriveinstitute

International Best Selling Book, Thriving with ADHD – https://adhdthriveinstitute.com/book/

Free Reduce ADHD Symptoms Naturally Masterclass – https://bit.ly/3GAbFQl

ADHD Parenting Course – https://info.adhdthriveinstitute.com/parentingadhd

ADHD Thrive Method 4 Kids Program – https://adhdthriveinstitute.com/packages/

In this episode, discover Doug’s advice for both men and women about how to better handle conflict, restore love to a stagnant marriage, and bring that spark back.

Key Takeaways:

[2:52] Doug's story & what brought him to this work

[5:54] Common frustrations of dads & the suicide epidemic

[9:43] 2 common responses to conflict

[14:25] Why many couples go from lovers to roommates

[15:41] An explanation of DEER mode & why men sometimes fall into this

[18:32] How couples can restore love to a stagnant marriage

[21:26] How women can bring up this topic with their husbands

[23:32] Quick things men or women can do to bring that spark back

[26:50] The hidden motives technique

Memorable Moments:

"Marriage actually takes a lot of work. It's not just a checkbox thing."

"Men, just as much as women, want that connection."

“Suicide is the #2 cause of death for men.”

"There's a lot of men that are in this lifestyle of quiet desperation, and what they want more than anything is to be an amazing father."

"Often I hear, 'I feel like a stranger in my own home.'"

"The only people I've talked to that have perfect marriages are liars...If you've never had a problem in your marriage, that's a problem."

"You deserve more than average. This is your life...so don't wait for things to happen. Take action."

"Your energy matters when you bring it into the home."

"A wife wants to be seen, heard, and desired."

“Get to know your partner–who they are today. What are their dreams today? What are their fears?...You married this person for a reason.”

How to Connect with Doug Holt

Website: https://www.thepowerfulman.com/

Dana Kay Resources:

Website: https://adhdthriveinstitute.com/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ADHDThriveInstitute/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/adhdthriveinstitute/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/ADHDThriveInstitute

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/adhd-thrive-institute/mycompany/

Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.ph/adhdthriveinstitute/

Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@adhd_thriveinstitute

International Best Selling Book, Thriving with ADHD – https://adhdthriveinstitute.com/book/

Free Reduce ADHD Symptoms Naturally Masterclass – https://bit.ly/3GAbFQl

ADHD Parenting Course – https://info.adhdthriveinstitute.com/parentingadhd

ADHD Thrive Method 4 Kids Program – https://adhdthriveinstitute.com/packages/

Previous Episode

53: Building Better Brains for ADHD with Lorraine Driscoll

Think back to when your little one was an infant. Do you remember when he or she first wrapped their little hand around your finger or when that startle reflex was so strong that they would even wake themselves up if they weren't wrapped tight? Both of these things are primitive reflexes.

In this episode of the Soaring Child, Lorraine Driscoll explains how retained primitive reflexes and brain imbalances can affect children with ADHD. Discover the three most common retained reflexes that children with ADHD often have, as well as how parents can integrate brain training technologies and techniques to help build better brains.

Lorraine Driscoll is a brain integration therapist, nutritionist, and the founder of Building Better Brains. As a former teacher, she's passionate about optimally developing the brain so kids can thrive.

Key Takeaways:

[2:48] How Lorraine got into this work

[5:27] Retained primitive reflexes

[7:54] Brain imbalances

[8:14] Potential causes of retained reflexes or brain imbalances

[12:03] 3 common retained reflexes that children with ADHD have

[16:15] The role that brain imbalance plays with ADHD

[20:46] Where to start

[24:03] Brain training technologies that can be helpful for kids with ADHD

[28:48] How this is different than neurofeedback

[29:56] How brain imbalances & retained reflexes affect picky eating

[31:59] What parents can do TODAY to start building better brain connections

Memorable Quotes

"There are a ton of reflexes that infants have, and their purpose is #1 to keep them alive...and then further on in infancy, to assist with gross and fine motor development."

"These reflexes definitely serve a purpose but they should disappear by 3 years of age or sooner, depending on the reflex. And if they don't, basically they create a block."

"With primitive reflexes, they can either be mildly retained or severely retained. And generally, the more reflexes that are retained and the more severely retained, the more severe the condition."

"Most kids who have true ADHD or even autism spectrum typically have an overdeveloped left brain and an underdeveloped right brain."

"The left brain is the gas, and the right brain is the brakes."

Start "with very specific exercises that very much mimic...the movements they would have done when they were an infant in order for that reflex to be integrated."

"The research shows it's best when it's done morning and afternoon or evening."

"If you do nothing else, the best thing you can do is get your child moving."

"Kids who have ADHD where they have poor vestibular function can either sit still or they can pay attention."

How to Connect with Lorraine Driscoll

Website: https://lorrainedriscoll.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/building.better.brains/

Dana Kay Resources:

Website: https://adhdthriveinstitute.com/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ADHDThriveInstitute/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/adhdthriveinstitute/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/ADHDThriveInstitute

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/adhd-thrive-institute/mycompany/

Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.ph/adhdthriveinstitute/

Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@adhd_thriveinstitute

International Best Selling Book, Thriving with ADHD – https://adhdthriveinstitute.com/book/

Free Reduce ADHD Symptoms Naturally Masterclass – https://bit.ly/3GAbFQl

ADHD Parenting Course – https://info.adhdthriveinstitute.com/parentingadhd

ADHD Thrive Method 4 Kids Program – https://adhdthriveinstitute.com/packages/

Next Episode

55: Supporting Teens with ADHD with Carrie Jackson

Do you have a teen or preteen with ADHD? If so, you do not want to miss this episode of the Soaring Child.

We are joined by Carrie Jackson, a PhD and a licensed child psychologist. Carrie is a speaker and an author, working in San Diego, California. She has published over 20 articles and book chapters related to parenting, ADHD, and defiance.

In this episode, discover common signs of ADHD in girls, tips for managing screen time with teens, tools and strategies to help teens be successful at home and at school, some of Carrie’s favorite apps to support teens with ADHD, and so much more!

Key Takeaways:

[2:47] Why Carrie began working with teens with ADHD

[5:15] Common signs of ADHD in girls

[7:37] Tools for working with teens with ADHD

[8:23] Screens & helpful apps

[11:51] Setting appropriate boundaries with screens

[13:08] Other activities outside of screens that teens can do

[15:07] Other tools for parents

[16:04] Self-esteem for teens with ADHD

[18:49] The impact of COVID-19 on mental health for teens

[20:07] Connection between ADHD and eating issues

[22:13] How parents can support their teens with school

[24:14] What Carrie wishes parents knew about ADHD

[25:58] Carrie's program for parents of teens

[27:06] Final tips

Memorable Quotes:

"Screen time use is a huge challenge for teens with ADHD...It's more about learning to work with it rather than against it."

"Teenagers with ADHD may do things more impulsively, including on social media and screens."

"Teenagers with ADHD can engage in more risky driving behaviors, and so, as a parent, to be able to monitor their safety, that's very important."

"What I recommend for parents is that you actually take a look at how your child and teenager are using their screens and to come up with other activities that they can do that are beneficial as well, outside of screens."

"Screens are not inherently bad, based on the amount of time you are using them, but it's just how are you using them?"

"Don't throw the kitchen sink at your teenager. Just look at, what are my child and teenager's biggest challenges right now, and then, how can I address that?"

"When kids and teenagers have more positive self-esteems, it's going to protect them from things like anxiety and depression, so they're going to have a higher quality of life."

"For teenagers with ADHD, they are often receiving more negative messages than those without ADHD."

"One of the things I love to include for teenagers is either mastery or leadership activities into their life."

"A big piece of teenager challenges around school is there is so much to organize and plan for...Parents can really support their kids in planning and organizing by helping them in the early stages of seeing what they have coming up over the upcoming month."

"It will get better, even though it is difficult right now."

"Finding your own support network is huge."

"It's not about you. You're not the problem, but you can be part of the solution."

How to Connect with Carrie Jackson

Website: https://iparentadhd.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr.carriejackson/

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.carriejackson

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@the.parent.therapist

Dana Kay Resources:

Website: https://adhdthriveinstitute.com/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ADHDThriveInstitute/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/adhdthriveinstitute/