Ways To Increase Communication With Your Athlete Daughter

08/23/22 • 12 min

Communication between parents and athletes is important, there’s no denying that. But what if they start to communicate less?

Some parents conclude that this situation comes with age. As their children get older, they tend to communicate less. That’s true. Another reason why they communicate less is because we’re not asking better questions.

What can we do when that situation arises?

Dive in to learn about simple ways to increase your communication with your athlete daughter!

Giving The Opportunity for Your Daughter to Open Up

I want to share with you a comment from Nicole, one of our Elite Competitor Program moms, that she shared after working through our Powerful Pep-Talk phase. If you’re not familiar, it is part of our Elite Competitor Program, a mental training program for female athletes, and in that program we train both the athlete and their moms on how to have Powerful Pep Talks.

Here’s what she said,

“I love this lesson and the reminder of my role as a parent and to keep it simple. I'm also grateful for more dialogue that's opening up with my daughter, who came to me this weekend saying: you said to let me know if there's something you can do better to support me. And honestly, it would be helpful if you smile more at me. Even when something doesn't go well on the court, it makes me feel positive.”

This is a result of our mental training program. Learning is power. We teach moms what to say before, during, and after competitions and how to strengthen their mental game, how to work on their own confidence, because we know how it influences their daughters.

Their daughters also work on themselves through the athlete modules.

I’m setting it as an example of what happens when moms give their best to learn how to support their daughters in a better way.

Two Keys to Know What Your Daughter Needs

By giving the opportunities to train her mental skills, Nicole’s daughter learned to be vocal and specific about what she needs from her mom, and that’s how Nicole opened up this opportunity for her daughter to open up.

How can you help apply this with your daughter?

There's two keys here:

Shape the environment. When we talk about shaping the environment, we're talking about your verbal and your nonverbal communication with your daughter. We teach things that we can say to build long term confidence in your daughter and how you show up for her as her role model. So, make sure that you’re investing in opportunities to learn how to shape the environment for your daughter, and not just guessing what to do.
Provide the opportunities. Provide opportunities for her not just outwardly, but also inwardly. Give her the opportunity to understand what she needs from you to get where she wants to be.

Overall, a simple thing that moms can do to increase communication with their daughter is by opening up the opportunity to ask:

“What can I do to support you?”

“What is helpful for me to say and do?”

Good communication happens when you give opportunities for your daughter to learn how to advocate for themselves and how to develop those mental skills.

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Helpful Links:

Join our FREE training for Sports Moms - How To Strengthen Your Athlete Daughter’s Mental Game Without Being Pushy Or Saying The Wrong Thing.

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Communication between parents and athletes is important, there’s no denying that. But what if they start to communicate less?

What can we do when that situation arises?

Dive in to learn about simple ways to increase your communication with your athlete daughter!

Giving The Opportunity for Your Daughter to Open Up

Here’s what she said,

Their daughters also work on themselves through the athlete modules.

I’m setting it as an example of what happens when moms give their best to learn how to support their daughters in a better way.

Two Keys to Know What Your Daughter Needs

How can you help apply this with your daughter?

There's two keys here:

Shape the environment. When we talk about shaping the environment, we're talking about your verbal and your nonverbal communication with your daughter. We teach things that we can say to build long term confidence in your daughter and how you show up for her as her role model. So, make sure that you’re investing in opportunities to learn how to shape the environment for your daughter, and not just guessing what to do.
Provide the opportunities. Provide opportunities for her not just outwardly, but also inwardly. Give her the opportunity to understand what she needs from you to get where she wants to be.

Overall, a simple thing that moms can do to increase communication with their daughter is by opening up the opportunity to ask:

“What can I do to support you?”

“What is helpful for me to say and do?”

Good communication happens when you give opportunities for your daughter to learn how to advocate for themselves and how to develop those mental skills.

**********

Helpful Links:

Join our FREE training for Sports Moms - How To Strengthen Your Athlete Daughter’s Mental Game Without Being Pushy Or Saying The Wrong Thing.

Previous Episode

Helping Your Athlete Navigate Disappointment

Whether we like it or not, all athletes are going to face “disappointment”. So, if it is inevitable, how can we help our female athletes navigate through disappointments?

In the past weeks, we recently talked about disappointments inside our sports mom inner circle, a group for moms of the athletes going through our Elite Competitor Program, and we specifically talked about what to do when your athlete didn’t make it to her dream team.

How do you show up as a parent in that situation?

There are powerful parenting analogies that I shared with the moms in that talk, and I wanted to share that with you today. So, if you’re looking for tips on what to say and do when you’re female athlete is facing disappointments, this is for you.

The Lawnmower Parent

Some of you have probably heard about the “lawnmower parent” analogy. This analogy stemmed from the “helicopter parent” analogy, which is a parent that’s always checking in and doing things for their kids. It’s an analogy for an overly involved parent.

The lawnmower parent does almost the same thing, it’s that kind of parent that cuts down any obstacles in their child’s way. Just like a lawnmower, they mow all the things that could be in the way of their child’s path, to make it easier for their child.

The River Guide Parents

The “river guide parent” analogy was birthed from our trip to Costa Rica. A couple of months ago, we went on a mom-daughter retreat to Costa Rica with the athletes and their moms. We went for a canyoning adventure in a big jungle rainforest canyon.

We went through seven waterfalls, and none of us in the group has the professional skills to do it. So, we had our guides to help us. The guides supported us as we went down the waterfalls.

But here’s the thing — they GUIDED us, they DIDN’T DO it for us.

It’s a perfect example of how we can show up for our kids when they’re struggling. Just like the river guides, we can be there for them without taking away their chance to experience disappointments. When we allow them to go through it, we are actually developing their confidence and the skills they need to navigate through disappointments on their own.

The Victim Mindset Trap

Oftentimes when we try to fix things, we blame other people to make our daughters feel better and that’s a wrong move. Whenever parents do that, they’re actually teaching their daughters NOT to take ownership over what’s going on in their lives. As much as possible, avoid blaming other people.

Allow her to process, and then after a certain amount of time, we can start to guide her forward.

Moms who invest in their training to learn how to support their daughters through their athletic journey do better.

“Children do better when their parents do better.”

Athletes who have the competitive advantage also have moms who are doing and saying the right things to support them.

To be a better parent, learn to let her experience disappointment, don’t be like the lawnmower parent who removes all the obstacles in their daughter’s path. Invest in training to be that river guide parent, and support her while allowing her to experience, learn and grow.

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Helpful Links:

Join our FREE training for Sports Moms - How To Strengthen Your Athlete Daughter’s Mental Game Without Being Pushy Or Saying The Wrong Thing.

Next Episode

Wingin' It Wendy vs Game Changer Gabby...Which Sports Mom Are You?

There is no manual on how to be a sports mom. Your female athlete may receive extensive coaching, but how many coaches do we as mothers receive to assist our daughters?

Female athletes go through a lot of phases. The most common situation that they're going to face is having a hard time coming back from mistakes. A lot of athletes beat themselves for those mistakes. They focus on the one mistake and it goes downhill from there. Navigating the obstacles that your daughter faces as an athlete is difficult.

What kind of mom can navigate through these challenges?

Today, I'm going to share with you these two types of sports moms and help you figure out where you fit in between the two.

I'm going to talk about what these two moms do and how they approach these very common issues that their athlete daughters face.

Which Mom Do You Identify Yourself With?

What do you do when your daughter is struggling out there with things that every athlete struggles with: pressure, nervousness, making mistakes, feeling like she let the team down, and not knowing how to recover from mistakes?

If your daughter is going through these things, there is nothing wrong with her.

However, it is your responsibility as her mother to equip her with the necessary skills to navigate this.

If you're "Winging it, Wendy," you're just winging it. You'll go to Google. You're simply telling her to be self-assured. You're telling her to unwind. You're telling her that everyone makes mistakes.

Here's the thing: “Telling is not teaching.”

Your daughter needs to practice these skills to manage her emotions and achieve her goals. And, fortunately, your daughter has an opportunity right in front of her. If you haven't already, go to trainhergame.com and look at the training where I go more in-depth with this.

"Winging It Wendy" literally means "winging it." Because she takes a different approach, "Game Changer Gabby" changes the game for her daughter. She is not like other mothers who are winging it. She is very deliberate in her approach to her daughter. She is very deliberate about the opportunities she gives her daughter to improve her own mental game. She is very deliberate in what she says to her daughter. She is deliberate in what she says to herself aloud. And she's very intentional in all of these areas, which changes the game for her daughter as well as their relationship.

Ask yourself today...

“Am I winging it and being Wendy?” If yes then, “How can I become more like Gabby?”

Strengthen her mental game and what you can do to support her, making sure you're saying and doing things that will help her rather than just telling her to be confident.

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Helpful Links: