Embracing Imperfection: Why You Need to Let Go of the Need to Fix Your Teen

01/10/23 • 24 min

Did you know studies show that over-involved parenting is associated with anxiety, depression, life dissatisfaction, and emotional dysregulation? In today’s episode, we talk about what everyone guilty of over-involved parenting wants to know. If we’re not meant to fix the problem or behavior, what are we supposed to do?

This episode's takeaways:

Influence. The biggest shift happens when we switch from a manager role to an advisor. Instead of giving directions, ask questions and provide emotional support.
Relationship. Focus on being present in your child’s discomfort they may be experiencing without taking it away. Your child is like a kite in the wind; you are the person on the ground holding the string.
Truth without a relationship leads to rejection. Rules without relationships lead to rebellion. Discipline without a relationship leads to anger and resentment. Focus on the relationship, not the behavior.
Stay consistent with discipline.
- Immediate consequences, short-term, remain loving when giving discipline.
- Non-emotional parenting.
- Show up mature, loving, and consistent. Modeling what the behavior looks like.

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About Through The Hard:
"Through The Hard" is proudly presented by Pathways to Hope Network—an empathetic non-profit organization committed to providing free support and nurturing a sense of community for parents navigating the challenges of teens in crisis.

Explore Additional Support:

Delve into our website: Pathways to Hope Network (Subscribe for weekly encouragement)
Access local and national resources: Pathways Resources
Read insightful articles on our blog: Pathways Blog
Find answers to common queries: Pathways FAQ

Connect with Us:

Join our community on Facebook: Pathways to Hope Network Facebook
Stay connected on Instagram: Pathways to Hope Network Instagram
For personalized support, reach out via email: [email protected]

This episode's takeaways:

Influence. The biggest shift happens when we switch from a manager role to an advisor. Instead of giving directions, ask questions and provide emotional support.
Relationship. Focus on being present in your child’s discomfort they may be experiencing without taking it away. Your child is like a kite in the wind; you are the person on the ground holding the string.
Truth without a relationship leads to rejection. Rules without relationships lead to rebellion. Discipline without a relationship leads to anger and resentment. Focus on the relationship, not the behavior.
Stay consistent with discipline.
- Immediate consequences, short-term, remain loving when giving discipline.
- Non-emotional parenting.
- Show up mature, loving, and consistent. Modeling what the behavior looks like.

___________________________________________________________________________

Explore Additional Support:

Delve into our website: Pathways to Hope Network (Subscribe for weekly encouragement)
Access local and national resources: Pathways Resources
Read insightful articles on our blog: Pathways Blog
Find answers to common queries: Pathways FAQ

Connect with Us:

Join our community on Facebook: Pathways to Hope Network Facebook
Stay connected on Instagram: Pathways to Hope Network Instagram
For personalized support, reach out via email: [email protected]

Previous Episode

Strengthening Your Realtionship with Your Teen

Show-notes Episode 27

Strengthening Your Relationship with Your Child

If life as a parent is less than perfect right now, if you feel like you are on a hamster wheel, living the same life over and over again, it may be an indication that it's time to make some shifts in your parenting.

In today’s episode, we will talk about three practical ways you can begin to change your parenting style to better support your relationship with your teen.

Learn about:

1) Switching from a model of Punishment to a model of Discipline

2) Switch from Lectures to Discussions

3) Switch from a parenting model of Telling to a parenting model of Sharing

Your to-do list:

Make a list of 5 things to do to make you feel good and put them in your calendar. Take a hot bath, have coffee with a friend, watch a reality show, exercise, or take a walk. Find a way to pour back into yourself.

Remember to take things one day at a time.

Resources:

Book quoted:

Raising Teens in a Contrary Culture by Mark Gregston

Article quoted:

Sharing vs. Telling by Vince Gowmon

Pathways website: https://pathwaystohopenetwork.org/ (Remember to Subscribe!)

Local and national resources: https://pathwaystohopenetwork.org/resources/
Blog: https://pathwaystohopenetwork.org/blog-2/
FAQ: https://pathwaystohopenetwork.org/f-a-q/

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Unyielding is brought to you by Pathways to Hope Network. A non-profit organization that provides cost-free support and community to parents with youth facing criminal allegations.

Learn more about Pathways on our website: https://pathwaystohopenetwork.org/

Discover the community and connect by following us on Facebook and Instagram.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pathwaystohopenetwork

Private Facebook Community:https://www.facebook.com/groups/hopeformothers

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/pathways_to_hope_network/

For support, email: [email protected]

Next Episode

A Look at Teen Behaviors: Isolating

Today's episode is part 1 of a 3-part series where we will be looking into some common teen behaviors that you might be witnessing in your child and dive a little into you why it happens, what about it creates challenges for us, and what we can do in response.

The behavior we are focusing on today is isolating. What are some things you can do if you are concerned about isolation?

This episode’s takeaways:

Teens' brains and bodies are trying to figure out this influx of hormones, and it will take some time to work it out.
It's developmentally normal for teens to retreat from their parents and engage less. It's a practice of self-governance.
Examine your own behaviors and emotions that are triggered by your teen's actions. What can you learn about what you're feeling?
Try asking fewer questions and making more observations when your child is less than chatty.
Use technology as a way to stay connected.
Create opportunities for fun and laughter together.
Watch for warning signs of unhealthy isolation and consult a professional when you see them.

Books quoted :

The Teenage Brain

Articles studied:

Motivation and What Really Drives Human Behavior

Understanding the Effects of Social Isolation on Mental Health

Other Resources:

Feelings Wheel

Nate Bargatze Comedy Clip

John Crist Comedy Clip

Jim Gaffigan Comedy Clip (one explicit word in this clip)

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Explore Additional Support:

Delve into our website: Pathways to Hope Network (Subscribe for weekly encouragement)
Access local and national resources: Pathways Resources
Read insightful articles on our blog: Pathways Blog
Find answers to common queries: Pathways FAQ

Connect with Us: