Owning Your Sexual Self

We have an awesome guest on this podcast today! We have talked about this topic before, with Coutney Brame where he took us through his herpes journey and gave us a lot of guidance around all the things. Alexandra reached out to me recently and asked if she could share some more light around this topic.
Alexandra’s life was sent into upheaval when she received a call from her doctor diagnosing her with herpes. She was left scared shitless and with a new mission; to share her story with people just like her, and to let them know that their feelings were normal, natural, and that they were not victims. With that mission in mind she founded Life With Herpes, an online community consisting of a podcast, website, YouTube channel, wellness products to support the skin condition and and online community that provides support, all dedicated to shattering the stigma of living life with herpes.
You hear all the time if you’re careful, you’re not going to get an STI, but sometimes that’s just not the case. Herpes spreads from skin to skin contact, and that is what we do as humans. It’s just part of living, it really doesn’t have anything to do with being careful. It’s common that people don’t even know they have herpes, so the only way to completely avoid it is to make sure you and your partner test before having any sexual contact.
What are the different types of herpes?
There are two types.
Type 1 or HSV1 is most commonly known as oral herpes, cold sores, fever blisters. 2 out of 3 people have this virus, and it most commonly like the oral region, but that doesn’t mean it stays oral, it can move to the genitals.
Type 2 or HSV2 is most commonly known as genital herpes. 1 out of 6 people have HSV2 and it most commonly likes the genital region, but it can move to the oral region.
Getting Tested
They don’t test for it on the regular panel, so you have to ask for it. They don’t have it on the regular panel because so many people have it, and it’s not life threatening. So the aftermath of learning you have herpes ban be far more severe than someone who’s asymptomatic. 90% of people who have HSV2 will never be diagnosed. The majority of people are asymptomatic which means you have the antibodies, you can spread it because of asymptomatic shedding, but you’ve never had an outbreak. There can also be people who have so few and far between breakouts, or breakouts that don’t look or seem like blisters, or blisters that aren’t on the vagina or penis.
Life With Herpes
"I was floundering, I was struggling. There’s no reason to be that, and there’s no reason to feel alone. All the feelings that we feel are very valid. And there’s a way out of it, there’s a way to live with it, and there’s a way through that herpes journey. It was very important to provide information that wasn’t sterile. Making a community that embraced this over ostracizing it. It’s confidential, secret, and to become a friendship. There’s been people who have dated in the community, and there are people from all over the world. We all have our unique story, but the topic is the same thing. Let’s detach ourselves from that stigma and continue living your beautiful life. " - Alexandra

Be compassionate, be understanding, and don’t judge somebody. You don’t know what they’re dealing with.

Connect with Alexandra!
Website: Life With HerpesInstagram & Toktok: @alexandraharbushka
Youtube: Alexandra Harbushka
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Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine
Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise
YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf
Facebook: Rachel Maine
Email: [email protected]

This episode has been a long time coming. It was my decision to get off birth control after reading the book In The Flo by Alisa Vitti, which was honestly a staple in my personal growth and my growth as a woman to learn more about my body.
Through this book I learned that when the body goes through the menstruation for people who are on birth control, it’s not even a real period. That was all I needed to know, I started really taking a closer look at my periods and looking inward.
What are the long term side effects of hormonal birth control?

• Damaged microbiome – hormonal birth control acts just like an antibiotic in your gut, destroying the essential microbiome balance. The impact of the pill on the microbiome will last long after you stop taking it without actions to replenish good gut bacteria. - After being off birth control for a year and a half I’m finally not experiencing any IBS symptoms.
• Increased inflammation – if you are prescribed the pill for common period problems, you should know that those issues result from hormonal imbalance and inflammation in the body. The pill does not treat these root causes, but can mask the symptoms you experience. - When I got off birth control I noticed more inflammation in my body and weight gain. The way your weight fluctuates though your cycle is astounding to me.
• Micronutrient deficiency – hormonal birth control prevents the absorption of micronutrients, vitamins and minerals, which have short and long term impacts on your health. - I now get monthly IV therapy. It has helped put these vitamins back into my body that I was missing from being on birth control.
• Suppressed ovulation – consistent ovulation protects women’s long term health. Hormonal birth control suppresses ovulation. Suppressing ovulation has long term consequences, even if ovulation returns shortly after you come off the medication. - Ovulation should be happening around day 10-14, but it’s been very hard to me to track, likely because of my years of being on birth control.
• Masked reproductive health issues – the pill is not a real treatment for reproductive health issues. Hormonal birth control can help manage symptoms for some women, but it is only a band-aid solution. - This sticks out to me so much. For people who suffer from endometriosis or PCOS, birth control is such an easy thing for a doctor to prescribe and not really hear you or the things you’re dealing with.

Getting off of birth control really brought a new level to our sex life. Since I know a person can only get pregnant during the ovulation phase, I’m able to not have penetrative sex during that time. Which means we get to be creative with our sex life.
The biggest side effect I experienced from coming off of birth control was the weight gain. I’ve learned to love my body in whatever condition it’s in.
I’m now able to feel my emotions more. I’m embracing and embodying my feelings, not trying to push it back or push through it, but am really feeling into the emotions.
I can see things brighter. I feel lighter, I can see more, and I feel so proud of myself for speaking up and advocating for myself.
Resources
Sexual Confidence Academy
Flo Living Article
Everlywell Testing Kit

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Connect with Rachel!
Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine
Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise
YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf
Facebook: Rachel Maine
Email: [email protected]

We’ve definitely talked foreplay before, but today I want to get a little more detailed and dive specifically into breast play. This really stemmed from when I was revamping my program Sexual Confidence Academy, and going through the foreplay module.

Breast play is a really great tool for the majority of people when it’s done right. It can be very soft, sensual, and subtle, and it will really set the right mood for you. If you go right into sex before the foreplay process, it can make penetration feel very uncomfortable for us. And it has to be enjoyable foreplay, if it’s not enjoyable, that 15 to 20 minutes basically will not have even happened. If you’re not enjoying it, your body is not responding in the way that you want it to to move from desire to arousal.
You all know what I’m talking about when I say that so much of the time men just love to honk our breasts, and that’s all fine, fun, or cutesy here and there. But when done right, breast play can be such an incredibly fun and engaging tool for foreplay. So how can we make breast play so much more intimate and enjoyable for everyone?

Where should you start?
We all know what breasts look like, and we all know what bras look like, so if you can focus and you want to start stroking and touching around the bra line, that’s really the best way to start.
If you can cup your hand into a U shape, and put your thumb right into the middle, on the sternum, so if you’re making the U shape and pushing up against the breast, you can then gently squeeze your hand.
Then you will start working your hands around the side, to the top, being gentle and sensual. We’re exploring around the breasts, and not pulling and flicking and honking, or just focusing on the nipples.
Another great way to make this a little more erotic for you during your foreplay is by kneeling with the person receiving the breast play in front and the person that’s giving the breast play behind and do all the bra line stroking, touching, and sexual caressing because that then allows the person receiving to see all the things their partner is doing. It also allows your vulva area to be exposed or touched, or have a toy be used.
What about the nipples?
If you're wanting to start some nipple stimulation make sure you ask your partner about it, not everyone enjoys it. Some people have very high sensitivity when it comes to nipple stimulation. You can ask in a very sexual way, by saying something like
'I would love to explore your nipples. Is it okay if I rub your nipples?" "Is it okay give your nipples some attention?" "Is it okay if I touch here?"
When you do get the okay, you don't want to just flick or pull at them. You can trap the nipple between your index and middle finger, almost the same feel as nipple clamps might do. A very soft pinching feel or even just gently rubbing over the nipples.

There are so many things that we can incorporate into our foreplay, and having conversations with our partner about what feels good, is so important. If you haven't listened to my 3 minute game podcast episode, it is truly a great tool. It can help you bring up with your partner the things you do want to explore or try in the bedroom. You can also try my Relationship Regroup and pencil in trying breast play for the sexploration, and spend 30 minutes solely focused on breast play.

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Connect with Rachel!
Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine
Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise
YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf
Facebook: Rachel Maine
Email: [email protected]

This week me and Jordan D'Nelle are having a raw conversation about why intimacy coaching is so important and our personal journeys. Generally you get into this field because you have some sort of history around this, and when we share our own unique stories it can inspire so many more people out there listening.
For me, just from a really young age, I’ve just been comfortable around things sex related. At the age of 14 and I had sex for the first time, and I achieved an orgasm, so I just felt like sex in general was just something I was always “good” at. I discovered my body at such a young age and engaged in that as much as possible.

When Jordan was a child, she always played teacher, and would show her imaginary friends her vulva in a “show and tell”. And then around 10 started humping pillows, and showing her friends, and then “practicing” with her friends how the whole experience would work. She then lost her virginity at 15, but it wasn’t a lovely great story, it was “hey everyone else is doing it, let’s just get it over with so I don’t have this anticipation lingering over me, let’s just make it happen.”. It wasn't until she was 23 that she had her first orgasm with a partner.

In my undergrad years, going for my degree in social work, that I started working at a place called first step which was an agency for sexual and domestic abuse survivors, and I was a survivors advocate for them. Essentially, my job was when someone experienced sexual assault and if they had reached out and went to law enforcement, or went to a hospital, I would be the one to meet them there and go over their options with them, and letting them know that they had the choice to decide what is right for them. That job kinda messed with me for a bit. Seeing sex in such a negative light like that. That really was a turning point for me, especially when I learned that sex therapy was a thing I could do.

In middle and high school, Jordan was always the girl that was doing all her projects on STI’s, Plan B, and abortion, she was the one helping and going with her friends when they needed to go to planned parenthood, or answering questions about their body. She then went into PA school, and she always knew she wanted to work with women specifically. As a Pure Romance consultant, she was helping all these women with learning about their bodies, and giving women a safe place to do that with her podcast.
In my role now as a coach, I take people through the journey of discovering themselves
What happened in your past that got you to be the sexual person that you are today?
What about that sexual person is it that you love?
What about it do you want to make better?
From there we can play on the strengths that you already love about your sex life, and I can give you the tools and education that you need to get your sex life, your self pleasure life, and your overall sexual confidence to the point that you desire.
There are so many different things that people experience, and having a safe place to go is so important. This kind of sex coaching is doing the work, and having the person that knows what questions to ask, and what tools to give you.
We’re going to teach you all of the really really right ways to do the things.

We both have personal journeys that really led us to become a sex and intimacy coach. There are certain things that have happened in our lives, and things we have learned through this that amplified our sex lives beyond what we could have imagined.

Connect with Jordan
IG & Facebook @Jordandnelle
Podcast: Vaginas,

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Connect with Rachel!
Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine
Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise
YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf
Facebook: Rachel Maine
Email: [email protected]

This week I’m talking all things healing and spirituality with Serena Rose, the Spiritual Sex Coach. Who’s here to show other people what is possible, by showing up as loving, authentic, and vulnerable as she can in any given moment, or in honor of what that looks like.
What led her to this work?
As a child, she experienced a variety of unique experiences from trauma-based to spiritual occurrences that guided her to where she is now. She helps people embrace their kinky side, while healing their relationships with authenticity and deeper sexual awareness. As a teenager she started studying self development and self growth and really started working on herself, so it unraveled from there. “The deeper and deeper I got into this work and myself, and my abilities, and challenges and all of it, I realized how connected everything is. My sexuality, my spirituality, all the experiences that led me to the point that I am right here and right now in this present moment.”
What does it mean to see spiritual beings?
We all have these abilities, it's one of our senses, we just don’t always tap into them, or even believe in them. There’s a lot of spiritual beings that we can see if we allow ourselves to, we’re surrounded by spirit guides all the time. Spirit is around us and in everything, it doesn’t have to take shape that we can logically see or understand.
It’s so much about believing that this work that you’re doing is going to work in the healing process and to take you to that next level self.

What are some practices for someone who is wanting to tap into their spiritual side?
Awareness is the key to absolutely everything, bringing awareness to what is going on in and around you is step one.
You can pray, and speak to your higher self, your spirit guides, your angels, your protectors, your ancestors, whatever you feel called to, and ask for guidance, direction, and just be curious.
There’s an audio book that really helps to understand the nuances of energy and spirituality called Energetic Boundaries by Cyndi Dale.

Where does sex play a part in this healing process or a connection with the spiritual side?There’s likely some role or some playing that could be done in the bedroom that would be fitting for each person. There is spirit and energy moving through you, and transmuting and healing, and it feels so good because there’s also pleasure involved. Bringing awareness to these intricate parts of yourself and your experiences and learn how to move with them and move the energy.

What resources would you recommend to start getting someone into a kink mindset, and helping them figure out what sort of kink to get into that can help serve them in a healing way?
BDSM Kink Test - Not only do you go through it and discover some kink symbols that you might relate to but there’s also short, easy to understand descriptions.
Alexa Martinez's That Sex Chick Podcast, The ABC’s of Kink with Bryn Daylor - Personal relatable stories, go into the most common kinks, but also kinks that are a bit more taboo.
Existential Kink by Carolyn Elliot, PhD Which goes into the shadow play of kinks.

2021 has brought a lot of openness to us all because of what we’re experiencing collectively, so what a time to dive in and do this work, and to have the time and space to do so. There’s not one person listening that doesn’t feel like they have something to heal at this point in their life. It doesn’t always have to be a sexual thing that you’re trying to heal, but we all know the power behind healing sexuality.

Con

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Connect with Rachel!
Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine
Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise
YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf
Facebook: Rachel Maine
Email: [email protected]