101. I’m Here Because I’ve Been There

01/31/22 • 44 min

This week me and Jordan D'Nelle are having a raw conversation about why intimacy coaching is so important and our personal journeys. Generally you get into this field because you have some sort of history around this, and when we share our own unique stories it can inspire so many more people out there listening.
For me, just from a really young age, I’ve just been comfortable around things sex related. At the age of 14 and I had sex for the first time, and I achieved an orgasm, so I just felt like sex in general was just something I was always “good” at. I discovered my body at such a young age and engaged in that as much as possible.

When Jordan was a child, she always played teacher, and would show her imaginary friends her vulva in a “show and tell”. And then around 10 started humping pillows, and showing her friends, and then “practicing” with her friends how the whole experience would work. She then lost her virginity at 15, but it wasn’t a lovely great story, it was “hey everyone else is doing it, let’s just get it over with so I don’t have this anticipation lingering over me, let’s just make it happen.”. It wasn't until she was 23 that she had her first orgasm with a partner.

In my undergrad years, going for my degree in social work, that I started working at a place called first step which was an agency for sexual and domestic abuse survivors, and I was a survivors advocate for them. Essentially, my job was when someone experienced sexual assault and if they had reached out and went to law enforcement, or went to a hospital, I would be the one to meet them there and go over their options with them, and letting them know that they had the choice to decide what is right for them. That job kinda messed with me for a bit. Seeing sex in such a negative light like that. That really was a turning point for me, especially when I learned that sex therapy was a thing I could do.

In middle and high school, Jordan was always the girl that was doing all her projects on STI’s, Plan B, and abortion, she was the one helping and going with her friends when they needed to go to planned parenthood, or answering questions about their body. She then went into PA school, and she always knew she wanted to work with women specifically. As a Pure Romance consultant, she was helping all these women with learning about their bodies, and giving women a safe place to do that with her podcast.
In my role now as a coach, I take people through the journey of discovering themselves
What happened in your past that got you to be the sexual person that you are today?
What about that sexual person is it that you love?
What about it do you want to make better?
From there we can play on the strengths that you already love about your sex life, and I can give you the tools and education that you need to get your sex life, your self pleasure life, and your overall sexual confidence to the point that you desire.
There are so many different things that people experience, and having a safe place to go is so important. This kind of sex coaching is doing the work, and having the person that knows what questions to ask, and what tools to give you.
We’re going to teach you all of the really really right ways to do the things.

We both have personal journeys that really led us to become a sex and intimacy coach. There are certain things that have happened in our lives, and things we have learned through this that amplified our sex lives beyond what we could have imagined.

Connect with Jordan
IG & Facebook @Jordandnelle
Podcast: Vaginas,

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Connect with Rachel!
Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine
Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise
YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf
Facebook: Rachel Maine
Email: [email protected]

Connect with Jordan
IG & Facebook @Jordandnelle
Podcast: Vaginas,

Support the show

Connect with Rachel!
Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine
Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise
YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf
Facebook: Rachel Maine
Email: [email protected]

Previous Episode

100. The Breakup That Changed My Life

I’m being vulnerable and emotional with you this week. I've been discovering what parts of my past and my experiences helped me get to this place today, a place that I’m able to now hold space for other people who are going through something similar. This experience that I’m going to share with you today truly helped me design the masterpiece that is my Sexual Confidence Academy.
There is not one single thing I would change about my past, because had it not been for this experience, this situation, I wouldn’t be where I am today.
How has my sexual confidence changed my life?
I have a voice in the bedroom. I had the freaking balls to leave my government paid job to pursue a career in sex therapy and sex coaching full time. I’m able to set better boundaries with family and with friends, I’m able to have more fulfilling relationships with them. I’m able to walk into rooms where I only know no one with confidence.
Okay, now to the story.
I remember it clear as day. I’m sitting in my apartment, super cozy, surrounded by Christmas lights. My boyfriend at the time walks in and says that essentially our relationship was over after 5 and a half years. He was going to be moving out, and that was that, it was completely one sided. I really had no idea it was coming.
This relationship was what I would call a loveless relationship. Was there love on my end? Yes, I told this person often that I loved them, but not once did they say it back. That is so hard for me to say, to think about the girl I was then, the lack of confidence I had then. That I stayed in that relationship, even though I was giving and giving in this relationship, and never got it back.

A little background on me, and my issues.
I have been a serial monogamous dater. Up until that point, I had never been single, I had also never been broken up with. This was the transition for me, this was the starting point of me figuring out who the fuck I am.
This forced me to be single, this forced me to figure out who I was, this forced me to really know and understand who it was that I wanted to become.
In the six months that I gave myself to be single and really work on me, I was treating myself the way I want others to treat me, treating myself the way I know I deserve to be treated. Ultimately I believe that's what allowed Danny to reenter my life. And from the moment we reconnected, and he kissed me for the first time, I just knew that Danny was my person.

Previously in my life I was like a chameleon I morphed myself to do things to appease other people. If you know me personally, you know I now do what I fucking want.
With my signature program, Sexual Confidence Academy, this is what I help you do. This will help you figure out the pieces of your past in regards to sex. All the things that shape a part of who you are today. So instead of you being on a nine plus year journey to figure out all the pieces, I’ve put all these things together for you. When you can get your sexual confidence on lock, that is going to allow so much more confidence to show up in all areas of your life.
I am damn proud of the person that I am today. I am so fucking proud that I have the opportunity to create things like this to help other women feel proud like this, and feel confidence like this.

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Connect with Rachel!
Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine
Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise
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Email: [email protected]

Next Episode

102. How to Initiate Sex

Initiation is something a lot of people struggle with. So many of us have a fear of rejection which often comes up when you’re thinking about initiating sex. So this week I'm going over the five different initiation styles directly from my Come As You Are book by Emily Nagoski.
The five different initiation styles:
Provocative Seduction Style - You want to see their desire for you with a little skin, signs of arousal, undressing or posing for your delight, being approached with provocative teasing, playful hints or words of desire.
Sensual Touch Style - Physical touch is what you need. Caressing the neck, getting a massage, even direct contact to the genitals.
Emotional Connection Style - You respond to sweetness, romantic gestures, or connecting conversations. Demonstrations of love and sharing are essential to you moving into the erotic relm.
Sex Talk Style - Whether it’s being told how sexy you look, or being told what your partner wants to do to you, direct sexual words are what really opens up a context to erotisism for you.
Power Play Style - You’re bold. Maybe you like to dabble in bondage, kink, or bdsm things. The focus and attention in creating a power differential, either being in control, or being controlled. Being approached with confidence and urgency is key for you.
Just as we have with the desire styles, most people are going to be a mixture of more than onet. This is a great exercise to do with your partner and see what works for you as an individual, what works for your partner, and what works for the two of you together.
What techniques can you do for each style?
Provocative Seduction Style - Send or show a sexy picture, take a provocative post, show more skin, hint at or joke about sex, engage in sexual planning, wear or don’t wear types of clothing, undress for their partner, tells their partner directly that they want to have sex
Sensual Touch Style - Caress all body parts including the non-sexual parts, kiss or caress on the neck, start slow, give soft gentle kisses, touch the back and butt, wake up with kisses or sexual touch, stroke the chest and nipples, and give a massage.
Emotional Connection Style - Act genuinely interested in what they have to say, arrange quality time such as a romantic dinner or event, address concerns or worries that they might have, make them laugh easily and a lot, engage in deep romantic conversation, tell them how much you love them, do something genuinely caring or thoughtful
Sex Talk Style - Tells them how sexy they am or how much you desire them, tell them the things you want to do to them, talk dirty to them, send a sexy message
Power Play Style - Pushing up against a wall or a bed, taking charge of the situation, is rough or forceful, demand you have them immediately, approach them from behind, surprise them, or be spontaneous.
When it comes to your sexual pleasure you do not have to wait for the mood to strike. If you’re waiting for the mood to strike, for the stress to go away, you might be waiting forever because even though one stressor might be put out, there’s always going to be another. So stop waiting for the *right* time. The more you wait, the more frustration you’re going to feel, the more that isolation is going to happen, you’re worry will build up between your partner, you might start to think some intrusive thoughts. A great way to really help your partner’s blockers turn off is to make sure they feel attractive, supportive, admired, and there is no obligation to want sex. In couples that they

Support the show

Connect with Rachel!
Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine
Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise
YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf
Facebook: Rachel Maine
Email: [email protected]