How to Stop Self-Sabotage

06/29/20 • 10 min

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EP 91 Stop sabotaging yourself

It's hard to change, especially when that habit or belief system has been ingrained in you for years, decades, or a lifetime.

Today’s mantra Monday and intention for this week is to bring awareness to your habits to stop self-sabotage.

Only you know how you’re sabotaging yourself. It could be second guessing yourself, questioning your actions or skills, not believing in your abilities, comparing yourself to others, doing things you know you shouldn’t do, or doing things you know you should do.

Self-sabotage is knowing what you want and how to get there, but doing the opposite, undermining the thing you desire.

Personally, for example:

I know that Yoga is good for me, but I don't do it. During quarantine I've done yoga three times in three months, which is crazy, because I always complain how I don’t have enough time to get to the teachers I love. And now, all the teachers around the world who I love are accessible online.

I also know that eating healthy will get me to how I want to feel in my body - healthier, fitter, stronger, more confident, but more often than not fat kid Freddy takes over and sabotages my eating habits.

The biggest self-sabotage that I’m currently experiencing is in my business. I want to create a business and brand that is successful and meaningful, and I know that consistency of content is key to building that. But I sabotage this dream by finding other things to do instead of what I need to do, and I’m also very critical of myself, which causes doubt, fog and inertia. Perfectionism stops me from creating. And then, I feel like a failure for not creating. It’s a bad cycle.

I'm not sure why we sabotage the very thing or feeling we desire.

A few things I'm learning as a parent is that a child will subconsciously reenact their bad behavior as a cry for help to heal old wounds and patterns that are out of their control. For example, a toddler may hit because she doesn’t have the emotional intelligence or maturity to stop herself or express her big emotions of fear, overwhelm or stimulation in a healthy way. Or maybe she’s had a negative experience with a caregiver, so she will recreate that bad behavior reenacting it with that person as a call for help to heal her emotion and that pattern, asking that person to step in and stop her, because she can’t stop herself. Once it’s done in a healthy and loving way, usually that negative pattern is broken.

Similarly our emotional brain is used to patterns so we reenact negative behaviors because they are comfortable as a subconscious cry for help.

Sometimes the known is easier and more comfortable than the unknown, even if that known is not what we want. So we easily revert back to ways that are easy and comfortable and sabotage what we desire. That path is well worn.

Unlike a child who doesn’t have the emotionally developed brain that can rationalize and make sense of her big emotions and behaviors, our brain can make sense of our actions and emotions, and through awareness, we can begin to understand ourselves deeply and consciously choose again.

Take a moment and think about one way you've been sabotaging yourself, your dreams, and how you want to feel. It could be anything - big or small.

Of course it’s easy for me to tell you, “hey, just stop being that way,” but for our emotional brain, it’s very hard to break our habits that are comfortable, even if we don't like these habits.

Change starts with awareness.

Commit this week to being more mindful of when your subconscious brain takes over and hijacks the very thing you desire.

In that moment, notice it, then label it and choose again. You have the power of choice.

Release any fears and habits that block you from receiving the love and support you desire.

I’m gonna do this with you, because I want to feel productive and in flow, but I sabotage my productivity by getting distracted, feeling uninspired, losing focus and being highly critical of myself. So, this week, I will notice when I feel overwhelmed, put pressure on myself to be perfect, and compare myself to others. Instead of doing what I normally do, which is going into the fridge to numb my emotions and distract me from the present moment, I will pause, notice, and label how I’m feeling and what I’m doing and choose again.

By bringing awareness to how I’m feeling, I can take care and honor myself. I may choose to take a break, nap, journal, move my body, or shift my mindset to be more compassionate so I can create without criticism.

You have the power of choice.

Notice when you start to sabotage
Label your emotions or actions to bring it into consciousness.
Then choose again.

Be present in that moment, CHOOSE, then let go and move on to the next moment.

It’s not e...

EP 91 Stop sabotaging yourself

It's hard to change, especially when that habit or belief system has been ingrained in you for years, decades, or a lifetime.

Today’s mantra Monday and intention for this week is to bring awareness to your habits to stop self-sabotage.

Self-sabotage is knowing what you want and how to get there, but doing the opposite, undermining the thing you desire.

Personally, for example:

I'm not sure why we sabotage the very thing or feeling we desire.

Similarly our emotional brain is used to patterns so we reenact negative behaviors because they are comfortable as a subconscious cry for help.

Take a moment and think about one way you've been sabotaging yourself, your dreams, and how you want to feel. It could be anything - big or small.

Change starts with awareness.

Commit this week to being more mindful of when your subconscious brain takes over and hijacks the very thing you desire.

In that moment, notice it, then label it and choose again. You have the power of choice.

Release any fears and habits that block you from receiving the love and support you desire.

You have the power of choice.

Notice when you start to sabotage
Label your emotions or actions to bring it into consciousness.
Then choose again.

Be present in that moment, CHOOSE, then let go and move on to the next moment.

It’s not e...

Previous Episode

How to Deal with Your Racist Family + Friends

How to deal with your racist family and friends

I was asked by a good friend to do a podcast episode on the topic of how not to get triggered by our racist friends and family. We can all agree that we are a very divided country – we’ve been for a long time. And it doesn’t help that many people cling so tightly to their beliefs, don’t take responsibility and blame others which create a bigger chasm between us.

You may think of me as a calm yoga teacher, but I’m a very sensitive and emotional person. I cry a lot and can fly off the handle easily, especially when I deal with people I deem ignorant or mean.

I think that’s why discussing politics, religion, race, sex or anything that is highly emotionally charged can be so confrontational, causing feuds at family gatherings.

Right now, we are going through some major historical events:

this global pandemic: those who are worried about health and those who are worried about businesses,

racial protests and riots – those who support black lives and those who support macy’s.

the fight for the rights of LGBTQ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer) people -- some may totally be on board with equality and others not so much.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but how do we NOT get triggered by those opinions that differ from ours?

I hate to break it to you, but you’ll never get rid of triggers, nor will you be able to stop the other person from triggering you.

Today on the podcast I’ll share with you 5 ways that help me deal with people who trigger the F out of me and see their different beliefs as portals to my own growth.

Triggers are teachers.

In episode 80 I talk all about triggers. Triggers are all around us. We can’t avoid being activated by someone or something.

You know you’ve aligned with your ego when you feel inferior or superior to someone else. You’re stuck in comparison or judgement.

Rather than pointing the finger and being upset with that person, what are you learning about yourself and about them?

Our relationships are direct portals to our wounds,

and

awareness of our triggers can be portals to our growth.

If we can view our triggers as our greatest teachers, we can then heal our inner world to affect our outer world.

Ironically, we are most often highly triggered by those we care about or are closest to.

The challenging work is to watch and witness your thoughts. Most of our thoughts are recycled from our conditioned thinking.

We are triggered when the reality is not how we think it should be.

When I feel resentment, offended, hurt, or any kind of hot emotion, it’s an opportunity to turn inward, not lash outward.

Sit with the sensation so that the boiling emotion comes to a simmer.

Trying to avoid the sensation just creates more suffering.

In fact, reality has no emotional charge. The present moment is what it is.

An event.

A feeling.

Some words.

An action.

It’s us humans that create the emotional charge behind reality. Something about that thing activates something within.

Taking responsibility for how you show up and changing your beliefs by watching your thought patterns lead to freedom.

Anything that causes you to be in an emotional state is your spiritual teacher.

Invite them in.

Detach from the outcome:

How do you detach from the outcome when you’re triggered, hurt and outraged at a friend’s beliefs and actions? It’s hard.

This is the work, my friend.

Detaching doesn’t mean you avoid the conversation or become numb or check out.

One of my favorite quotes is “When you’re upset, don’t eat.” Wait. No. That’s for another episode.

My favorite quote by Bryron Katie that I live by, especially when I’m triggered is, "There's your business, Other people's business and God's Business"

Most of the time I’m in someone else’s business that’s out of my control.

We spend too much energy replaying someone else’s actions and trying to influence someone else’s life, when in reality it’s their life and their choice of how they want to show up. We have no control over them.

Detach from the idea of converting anyone. You will never change anyone by forcing your own opinion and criticisms on them.

These battles about race, politics, humanity, and equality or any other disagreement are like a game of tug-of-war, where our Egos hold so tightly to what we believe to be true.

The more you pull and think you’re right, the harder the other person pulls to prove their right.

But...If you let go, you win.

The Ego wants to be right. Our heart wants to be understood.

Intentionally listening

<...

Next Episode

You're in Resistance When You're About to Transform

Last week the mantra Monday’s intention was to be aware of when you self-sabotage.

This week’s intention is to learn from resistance.

Why do we resist what we know will help us?

For example, you know eating healthy and moving your body is good for you, physically, mentally and emotionally, but you’re in resistance to something that will benefit you.

In my soul school online course, a few of the women shared that they loved each week’s coursework, but they were resistant to watching the next week’s course and doing the work. They know how it was benefitting their lives, they were feeling more confident, positive and loving towards themselves, so why after a few weeks, were they resistant to something that made them feel good about themselves?

We all resist what we know is good for us, because change is hard.

That comfortable path is well worn and easy, even if we don’t want to be on that path.

Progress is messy and uncomfortable.

It’s going to take effort and time to create a new path. That’s why we’re in resistance.

We fight it because our Nervous system is dysregulated and overwhelmed. We’re not used to being balanced. We’re used to feeling stress, overwhelmed, busy. A stressed system is what it’s used to, that’s why change is so hard.

So, when we feel overwhelmed in our body, mind and spirit, this turns into resistance to change and transformation.

But what if resistance is a clue that you’re on the brink of a breakthrough?

Like you’ve been climbing through a forest and you’re about to quit. It’s hard and challenging, but what if there was a sign that said, “hey you, just around the corner you’re gonna see the most amazing view!”

Would you keep going?

Resistance is that sign, momma!

This week’s mantra is: “I’m in resistance because I’m about to transform.”

When you start to feel overwhelmed and are in resistance:

place your hands on your body that feel tight or need loving energy.
Take 3 deep belly breaths to help you drop out of your mind and into your body.
Identify resistance in your thoughts and agitation in your body.
HONOR YOUR BODY through POWER OF CHOICE. Our triggers and old reactions don’t go away.

But the more you practice, you will build your awareness muscle and will begin to regulate your nervous system.

The more you practice sitting at the edge of resistance, being with it instead of running away from it and learning from it and listening for the next steps, the more confident and trusting you will get in your ability to move through it.

LMK how this has helped you on my blog and instagram. Also, thank you always for sharing and reviewing his podcast!