Recovery Elevator

Episode 395 - Can you have fun without alcohol?

Today we have Jim. He is 50, from New York, and has been sober since June 19, 2022.

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Highlights from Paul

Paul and our listeners would like to hear from prior podcast guests. Please send us a note (approximately 200 words) to let us know how you are doing. We would love an update on your sobriety journey. Email: [email protected]

Yes! You can have fun without alcohol. Paul just finished hosting the Bozeman retreat, and it was FUN. One of the highlights was an ecstatic dance party. Imagine 60ish sober people dancing on a basketball court in the afternoon. There was also a silent dance party on the last night. Paul loved watching and participating in pure joy and fun.

Sober fun is a learned skill, but it’s worth it. You learn to have fun without an external substance. Life is like a movie. Consider yourself the director. You can guide or nudge it any way you want. Leave room for other actors in your life and let them act their way. It makes the experience rich. If you are not having fun, check your inner narrative. At times we let external rules guide us when we have fun. Forget those rules and have fun now.

Stay tuned to the end for a poem written by one of our listeners, and today’s outro music was written and performed by Michael P, a member of Café RE.

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[10:02] Jim has been sober for two weeks. He had almost two years and drank, and now he is back on track. He’s had 699 sober days in the last 700. Jim is married with two kids and loves reading on his front porch.

Jim attributes his recent field research to not using his tools.

Growing up, Jim drank in high school with his buddies. The quest for beer was their primary goal. College was more of the same. After college, it didn’t feel as good. Drinking is part of his work culture and was celebrated. His first attempt at sobriety was at age 25. He stayed sober for three months, then returned to drinking. It was part of his job, his social circles, and his life always included drinking. Alcohol pushed back his fears.

In his early 40s, he started to realize he had a problem but didn’t know how to go about quitting. He didn’t love AA. By 45, he knew his drinking had become unsustainable. Drinking was like a low-grade hum that perpetually played for him. He began drinking alone at home, where nobody would bother him, and he could drink like he wanted.

Gradually he began exploring sobriety. He would accumulate a few months and do more field research. He read “This Naked Mind.” When the pandemic hit, he decided to make more efforts to maintain sobriety. He joined Café RE in July of 2020, which was his turning point. Earlier this year, he started traveling more for work. He now realizes he stopped using his tools, including Café RE. He only drank for one day. It was scary; he was a wreck and knew he couldn’t do this anymore.

Jim writes every day. It helps him get the thoughts out of his head and on paper.

[49:33] Paul’s Summary

Paul reads a poem, “Connection,” by Kelley A, Café RE Go Group.

[51:05] Outro Music, The Light Inside, by Michael P.

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Episode 441 – Connection With a Molecule

Today we have Shane, he is 39 from Birmingham, AL and took his last drink on December 25th, 2021.

[00:58] Highlights from Paul:

Many of us share the same response to our first drink. It’s a firework show internally that connects the missing dots. We finally feel connected. Alcohol becomes our best friend.

Now do not beat yourself up if you find yourself in a tightly intertwined relationship with alcohol. Humans are pack animals and need connection to survive. We need partnership. As addiction guru Dr. Gabor Mate would say, congratulations, you found alcohol, you found a way to survive. Yes, there is the disease model, but there’s also the unease model. A deep unrest or lack of connection with others and ourselves.

How do we fix this? Like we learned in last week’s episode, it’s robust social connections that fix this. Some of us have difficulty making deep connections with other human beings but connection with nonhuman souls can help us quit drinking too. Animals help us release oxytocin and serotonin; they help our nervous systems relax. Studies show plants and trees can do the same thing.

To summarize, we connected with a molecule. Which ended up being the most dangerous and addictive molecule thus far recorded, and there is plenty of data to back that up. So, what’s next? Start building connections with other people, places, and things, like your life depends on it. Because it does.

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[08:12] Paul introduces Shane:

Shane is 39 years old, currently lives outside of Birmingham, AL. He is married with two children. He works in the heavy truck parts industry. He has been playing guitar since he was 15.

Shane had no interest in drinking prior to trying it on a beach trip with friends when he was 20. Shane was surround by alcohol while working as a musician and in the service industry. He found that alcohol made it easier for him to talk to and socialize with people. He first recognized that he might have a problem when he realized he was starting to rely on alcohol to alleviate any stress he was having. He met his wife while they were working on a music album together.

Shane started having increasing anxiety and his drinking issues were becoming more apparent to those around him. He was given an ultimatum by his wife to quit drinking. He was able to quit drinking for about five years.

Shane’s father passed away and he ended up taking over the business abruptly. At this point he had already relapsed and would have a series of stops and starts utilizing different programs, but nothing ever stuck. Shortly after his daughter was born Shane made his most recent attempt at recovery after some conversations with his wife. He started attending AA three times a week and this was the first time that he admitted to himself that he could not control this. Shane says he felt huge relief when he realized that.

Shane says that within the first six months of sobriety his sleep improved, he was able to do more by not planning his life around alcohol. Exercise has been very helpful to Shane as well. He is open with friends and family around his recovery and has no issues being around alcohol. Shane feels the next step for him is leaning into the service aspect of recovery.

Shane’s favorite resources in recovery: RE podcast, AA, SMART Recovery

Shane’s parting piece of guidance: “just stop drinking”

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It all starts from the inside out.

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Episode 420 – The Most Prolific Trap

Today we have Matthew. He is 49 from Phoenix, AZ, and has been a sober rock star since 12/15/2006.

Our next Ditching the Booze course is starting Monday March 20th. It is free for Café RE members. You can learn more about the course and Café RE by clicking this link.

[03:00] Highlights from Paul:

As humans, we are prone to the trap that things will be better, or we will feel better after x, y or z happens. If we are constantly attaching happiness to accomplishments, checklists, or sobriety clocks, then eventually this surface level happiness fades and doesn't last nearly as long. Diffusing this trap is our most important task as a species at the moment. To find inner peace regardless of what is going on outside.

The first thing we can do to confront the trap is recognize it and then try to find happiness in the present moment while working towards the goal in mind. This is being okay with being okay or being okay even if you feel like dog crap. You are not doing sobriety, or anything wrong, if you have a bad day or 50.

To be fair, we do feel better when we make positive change in our lives, but it’s the balance we are going for. And not to place 100% of happiness to a future date, which is never guaranteed.

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[11:37] Kris introduces Matthew:

Matthew has just past 16 years of sobriety. He is married and they have two teenage sons. He spent many years as a radio and TV personality all over the country, but recently left the business to do podcasts, motivational speaking and is the head coach of a local high school hockey team. He enjoys doing this as well as taking advantage of the hiking opportunities near where he lives in Phoenix, AZ.

Matthew was first exposed to alcohol at a very young age when his dad would share sips of beer with him. He grew up in a family where drinking was a part of the landscape at all gatherings of any kind.

He didn’t really drink a whole lot until he was in his late teens. Later in his twenties, Matthew’s career found him doing a lot of appearances where he was expected to be the life of the party and ensure that everyone present was having a good time. This involved large bar tabs and many after parties that he occasionally had too much and couldn’t function well for his job the next day.

His drinking increased a lot after his father died. He was attending therapy to deal with the great loss and how it happened. He ended up leaving his family and traveled around the country with his career eventually meeting his wife. Things were going well and then there were major changes at work which ended up with him being unemployed while his wife was pregnant. He says that he spent a lot of time drinking at that point.

The moved again shortly after that and it was after a work Christmas party that Matthew found his rock bottom moment. That night he didn’t want the party to end but was unable to find an open bar. He ended up buying some wine and walking home. It was a three mile walk in the snow to his house. His wife and son were both crying when he got home and he just went to his room and passed out. When he woke up, he wrote a letter to his wife and son saying that he will never have another drink.

When he decided to quit, he knew he couldn’t do it by himself. He went to therapy to help him uncover the “why”. He told everyone that he was not going to be able to attend any alcoholic events for a while. Learning why he was drinking was the most important piece. He believes in living a life that he doesn’t want to escape from.

[01:02:15] Kris’ summary:

Kris reflects on the power of connection with people that you can let your guard down with. It’s important to feel seen and community is a great way to do that.

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We are the only ones that can do this, RE

But we don’t have to do it alone.

I love you guys

Episode 331 – we hear from Laura!

Community is so important. It is so important to connect with ourselves, our source energy, or other people. All those things get disconnected with addiction. Reconnecting with the world is an important part of recovery.

On today’s podcast we have Laura who is from Austin, TX and took her last drink on September 16, 2019. This is her journey of living live alcohol free (AF).

Headlines

• Laura’s Amazing Journey [16:04]– you will hear about Laura’s story, and she has some great insights for all of us along this journey to gaining or maintaining sobriety.
• Paul Churchill is back! He is using his Kermit the frog impression. He missed us all and is so grateful to Odette and all of us for giving him a break this past year. Listen to his insights about his key learnings during the last year [11:20]. Paul describes being sick, mentally physically and spiritually. He is dedicated and energized to continue Recovery Elevator (RE).
• Season Three!
  • 52 episodes – Paul will do 46 intros; Odette will do 6 and welcome Chris who will do an interview every month
• RESTORE
  • 13 session alcohol free Dry July course!
  • com/restore
  • 75-minute sessions on Monday, Thursday and Sunday with homework sessions including:
  • Calming the mind
  • Building accountability
  • Dealing with intense emotions
  • How to have fun without alcohol
  • Addressing unhealthy thoughts
  • Sound Healing
  • AF Free beverages and more!
  • Day 1 or more and Patrick and Odette are coaching with Paul.
• Odette Rocked It and she is still here!

Paul gave many stats about how a podcast survives in a pandemic. Paul also learned so much from listening to Odette take the from seat on the podcast. His discoveries among many include:

• Focus on wholeness
• Be honest
• Be vulnerable
• Time has its own timeline
• Understanding your relationship with food
• Expand your team (you are not in this alone)
• Have Fun! Sobriety is not a curse.

Laura’s Story

[16:04] Odette welcomes Laura

Laura’s last drink was September 16, 2019. Laura feels great and has ups and downs and is present and grateful. She lives in Austin, Texas where she owns a spa and does bodywork and energy work. She is working with Supernatural Recovery. She is a single mom to an 8-year-old daughter and loves meditation and yoga.

[17:40] Tell us about your path with drinking

Laura grew up in an alcohol abusive family. She started smoking pot and LSD at 14. She didn’t want to drink because of her parent’s drinking. She was raped at 16 and started drinking to overcome her panic attacks.

She was imprisoned, tortured, and sexually abused for two years. She escaped from her abuser at 18, went to college and her PTSD symptoms became really apparent. She was hospitalized until she could become mentally stable. She continued drinking for 20 years. She was often functioning and often not, it swung back and forth. She didn’t have any rock bottom moments, she lived in rock bottom for several years. After several false starts she was able to stop drinking in 2019.

[20:57] What was your inner dialogue when you started using alcohol?

Laura realized if she was drunk enough, she didn’t have a panic attack. She was doing things that weren’t healthy, but it was how she survived. She is also in recovery for an eating disorder. As part of that journey, she realizes she developed a lot of maladaptive coping mechanism that were survival instincts to help her disassociate.

[23:27] How was sharing your abuse with the world?

Laura said she didn’t share very much. She minimized her early trauma. Integrating her alcohol recovery with heavy trauma therapy has helped her and as her sobriety time increases, more memories surface surfaced. The heavy trauma therapy helped her understand why it was so difficult for her to get sober. Her trauma and alcoholism to hand in hand.

[25:29] Have recurring memories of trauma been a trigger for you?

Laura said sobriety has been an awakening process. She has discovered some radical truths and uncovering new information about her trauma and her family of origin. Her therapist has helped her reconcile those awakenings.

[26:35] How did you approach your healing journey?

Laura wrote a book about her journey which is part of Supernatural Recovery. There are four cornerstones including: caring for your physical body (nutrition, hydration, exercise), trauma relief (body work, energy work, plant medicine, acupuncture), calming your nervous system (finding new ways to handle your body when her nervous system was activated), forgiveness and self-compassion which been the part of it. She is learning how to enjoy her life and ...

Episode 403 – Hello Universe

Many

Today we have Pat. He is 38, from Georgia, and he took his last drink on February 22, 2022.

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Highlights from Paul

The opposite of addiction is connection. Near-death experiences often connect us to a higher power and make us question where we go after we die. In today’s episode, Paul shares his views on spirituality and connecting with a higher power.

Addiction disconnects us from the external world and from within. Paul reminds us we are not alone: we are connected to every living on the planet. Love, connection, inclusivity, and wholeness.

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[13:14] Pat got sober on 2/22/22 and planned his sobriety date as a military child who has lived in many places. He is married, loves archery, plays guitar, writes music, and sells hearing aids.

Pat began experimenting with alcohol at 15. He learned in college he could drink a lot. He was frequently the last one standing. Initially, he drank to get a buzz. He avoided eating to enhance his buzz. In college, he got a DUI. Pat drank to feel normal. He never had a true rock bottom moment.

In 2020, Pat stopped drinking for six months, knowing he and his wife wanted to conceive. He switched from whiskey to beer. Quickly it snuck back into his life.

Pat’s wife began going to Al-Anon. He burned the ships on social media and garnered support from friends and family. After a physical, he had some bad results, including elevated liver enzymes. He was encouraged to go to inpatient rehab. He ultimately tapered. His doctor prescribed medications to help him overcome anxiety. The first two weeks of detox were painful. After the physical challenges dissipated, things became much more manageable. His family and friends supported him. He realizes he doesn’t need alcohol to get through the highs and lows of everyday life.

The RE podcast, audiobooks, and the Café RE Facebook group are his favorite recovery tools, and he is excited that he and his wife are expecting their first child.

[49:20] Paul’s Summary

Book recommendations

Reality Unveiled: https://amzn.to/3CxrVQg

The seat of the Soul: https://amzn.to/3z0phBJ

Many lives many masters: https://amzn.to/3rQ6QLS

The concepts in these books help Paul to feel connected. The knowledge is the precursor to feeling the way Paul needs to feel to stay sober.

Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:

• You can find more information about our events

Resources

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

Recovery Elevator-

Go big because eventually, we all go home.

I love you guys.